Why can't I orgasm?
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I tried for years (alone and with partners) and couldn't until someone taught me and I think I can pass on the secrets to you (and the others here).
First of all, just so we know we're talking about the same thing, an orgasm is when the muscles inside you squeeze tight over and over – there's a pulling up feeling inside, like a reflex, and it lasts about 30 seconds. That and a really, really great feeling outside and all over.
Secondly, it's difficult to have an orgasm with just vaginal sex if your partner doesn't know what they're doing. And oral sex also takes someone who really knows what they're doing and/or a lot of guidance from you. The way to find out what will make you have one is to experiment on your own or to have a really patient, loving partner who you can talk to the whole time and who will do exactly what you need them to do.
Once you figure it out, you can experiment with variations, but until you get it, try the following using just your own hand (it's the best because you can really control the speed, location, and pressure very accurately). Be sure it's quiet and private, and give yourself as much time as you need so you can concentrate and relax. You already know about the buildup feeling, so you must be doing something right.
Once you're doing the thing that gives you that feeling do not vary what you're doing one iota – especially do not speed up! When you get excited you may automatically do that, but part of the key is to be totally consistent with what you're doing that feels good (and to not get overstimulated – it's better to go slow to medium and relatively soft pressure rather than hard and fast when you're first trying to have an orgasm). Pay close attention to the build up so you know your body and exactly what cause that build up.
Sometime into that build up you will start to feel that pulling up inside feeling – it's a tightening, squeezing feeling, kind of a full feeling, too. It can be subtle at first, so pay close attention and notice that feeling when it begins. At that time, gently push your muscles out, just like you're trying to pee (you won't because your body cannot do both things at the same time) or like you're trying to push something out of you.
I know it sounds wierd (and it feels a little odd, too), but I'm telling you the honest truth, it works for just the thing you're experiencing – getting almost all the way there, but not being able to go over that edge fully. What you're doing is actively resisting that pulling up feeling by pushing out. You don't have to push hard – just enough to cause a different sensation (the build-up will get more intense and you'll know you're doing it right).
As it builds up, don't stop the gentle pushing, stay consistent with what you're doing with your hand, just be patient, and keep concentrating. It will get hard to concentrate because the feeling will become even more intense, but I assure you, if you hang in there, the orgasm will happen if you keep pushing out in that way. At some point it will just take over and you won't want to resist it anymore and won't really be able to – you'll know when it happens.
Once you've made it happen, keep practicing with the same technique. Once you get really familiar with this, you'll be able to experiment with all kinds of other things (including teaching someone else how to do it with their hand or mouth). Be patient and gentle with yourself no matter what and don't accept any less than that with a partner.
I have a very similar problem and unfortunatley have no answer for you. I sure hope someone can help us though!
I have had and still have this same problem and I can't reach that point either truthfully I have given up on it. I hope someone has some answers for you because I am going to keep taps on ur question.
I've had the same problem as u..i think our body needs xtra stimulations..and for a longer period of time..every body is different so the time to xplore urself and find out the spots u r most comfortable with.Our erogenous zone differs frm other people..not liek what is mostly being mentioned-breast,arms etc..so enjoy touching urself and u may orgasm more! :-)
WARNING: I'm not saying or advocating that you should use this, just debating an academic point.
My problem was solved as an accident. One day I smoked up some green stuff with the bf, and then had the sex and FINALLY my first AWESOME orgasm. Mind you, we were in Amsterdam at the time, so it was perfectly legal to do so.
Years after, I heard from 2 other women who had the same exact experience. So, before everyone reports me and stuff, don't smoke that pot/herb/grass and try for an orgasm. It's illegal, addictive, and bad for you just like the government says ;) ;) ;)
there are many reasons that being orgasmic can be difficult. you may not be ready. there can exist more stress than comfort or pleasure. there could be a lack of sleep, food, fun or peace of mind. if a woman, you may be menopausal. may not have the right partner. may be taking medications that interfere with your response levels. you may have an illness - chronic or systemic or otherwise - which is putting your body through {many} changes. if a woman, you may be pre-menstrual or post-menstrual or pregnant.
trying to hard your stressed(and dont even know it) b/c you want to hit that point of pleasure so bad.dont concentrate dont worry about what state of mind you are in just forget everything!
"Usually, when I masturbate, I get a great buildup feeling, then get hot, then have a small amount of time where it feels great. I keep going, and I can't make myself go anymore. It almost hurts to do so, even if I try to keep going."
The whole feeling great part and then having to stop...
that IS an orgasm. Maybe not a great one. But an orgasm, nonetheless.
Every body has a different chemistry. So, not being able to cross a particular point is observed quite often. You just can't do anything about it. You just have to relax and hope like hell that you are able to cross the barrier some day. It is advisable for you to try and achieve satisfaction from the level you can reach. Also, you have said that 'it hurts'. Which means, probably you are more harsh than what is normally required. try to be easy with the instrument you are using for the purpose. God willing, it should help. Best of luck.
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