I had a miscarriage about a month ago and I'm taking it out on my boyfriend. I know its not his fault?
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I understand your situation. I had a miscarriage about 18 months ago. It led to a lot of difficulties in my relationship with my husband, and only recently has our relationship gotten back to a good level.
You need to slow down and realize that this wasn't just a miscarriage-it was the death of your child. If your child or another close family member died, would everybody expect you to be normal in just one month? NO! You need to cry, you need to grieve, you need to talk to sympathetic people about this. You need to talk to your boyfriend about this, and you need to give him room to grieve too-he also lost his child. Talk to people at your church (if you go), talk to other couples who have gone through this, and talk to a counselor if needed.
You also need to realize that you are still highly hormonal right now. After a pregnancy ends, it takes at least three months for hormones to normalize, and I would say give yourself even more time.
Also, you need to look into your own heart and face what is there and stop beating yourself up. My pregnancy that miscarried was unplanned and another child would have caused a lot of financial strain on my family. So, it was rather convenient for me that I ended up having a miscarriage. So, I beat myself up for this, and felt completely awful that I benefited in some way from my child's death. Though I did nothing to cause the miscarriage, I felt as guilty as if I had. I spent a lot of time praying, and have learned that God does have grace for me, and that I am not guilty. Maybe you are in a similar boat?
You have been hurt, and you need time and grace to heal, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Your boyfriend needs the same.
Sweetie, Just pray--all will be alright. God Bless You.
Please don't blame your self for what happen, it's not your fault, and it's not his fault, no one know why these things happen. Take some time to sit down together and express your feelings to one another, perhaps the reason why your fighting so much is because you both are not communicating, remember without communication it's impossible to know what someone is thinking or feeling. What happened to BOTH of you is horrible take the time to comfort each other in this difficult time. Remember you BOTH lost not just you and not just him no one is to blame.
Listen to yourself. You KNOW that he is not responsible for the miscarriage, so go with what you know. Stop putting so much trust in your feelings. I also think that you would not be having this difficulty if you were married. Until that time your relationship will be weak. Avoid pregnancy until marriage.
its ok. your going through some rough emotions right now. what you can do to keep your relationship is go see a relationship therapist. They really do help. they can get you two, to talk without rushing tears and screaming. and believe me hun this will only make your relationship stronger.
Get some help. You are grieving the death of a child. It's normal not to know how to handle the emotion.
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