How should I deal with my mom smoking?

Question: I recently came out as GLBT to my mother, and she took it all well, but she took up smoking again as a way to deal with stress right after. I am very proud of her for being supportive of me, but she knows I can't support her smoking (i can't even be in the room with her with my lungs if she is smoking). I argued this very point of not smoking with my grandmother till the the day she died of lung cancer, and my mom seems intent on following her to the grave. I tried talking to my sister and my mom's friends to try to find support to get her to stop, and they told me she's smoking more than I thought, and it's a losing battle arguing with her. I feel like tihs is my fault for causing this strain on her, and I don't know what I can do. I just stormed out of a fight with her over it...it upsets me so much i can't even stand to look at her smoking. Those things gave me lung problems from second hand smoke, took my grandparents, and now have thier hooks in her. What can I do? Any Advice?

Answers:
I am an ex-smoker.

No amount of discussing the matter with your mother, or arguing with her will change her on it.

And she does not smoke more because of you, or anything you said or did. Smoking more to relieve stress is just a temporary phenomenom for addicted smokers - she'll revert to her normal usage down the road.

Accept your mother as a smoker, and find a way to deal with it until or unless she is ready to try to quit (and she may never reach that point). Accept that you are not going to change her.

It is the toughest addiction.

Other Answers:
She is a grown women..if she wants to smoke, its her biz!

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Talk to her calmly and if you cant tell her to think about herself and the things shes missing out on. maybe she's missing something. Help her find it

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I feel for you. It is hard living with a smoker. You mother is only smoking because of her addiction. It may seem like she is selfish and not willing to change for you, but she has an extreme addiction to tobacco. I suggest addressing her your concerns. Tell her how much you love her. Tell her that you don't want her dying from lung cancer. Inform her of the long term and short term dangers of smoking. Tell her that you have sensitive lungs that easily get irritated by cigarette smoke. I think the best time to tell her this is maybe out at dinner. Invite her to a nice family place, and discuss this with her. I hope your relationship with your mother remains stable and happy. I wish you best of luck. I hope your mother quits smoking.

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Oh its very unfortunate situation with you. Smoking is worst than the "drinking alcohol" habit. This you can explain to your mom. She do have the example of her mom right in front of her and still she is continued her habit. I think you have to take her for the counselling. Before that you can try the other alternatives such as some threatens that if she did not leave the smoking you will do or you will not do this or that. Other alternative is that you may asked her to reduce her smoking stepwise. Lesser and lesser by 10% per week. Wish you all the best!!

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