Scared of sex at 25?
Question:
I masturbate regularly and use vibrators and I feel like I want to have sex - I spent the night with a guy recently, we went to bed together, both naked and I wanted to have sex with him, but whenever he started touching me down there I got really scared and asked him to stop.
A few guys have tried to touch me down there, and it's weird - I WANT them to, but then when they do I freak out and usually end up getting really upset about it.
What can I do to get over it? Because it's really frustrating me now! I do have some anxiety problems and I see a psychiatrist but I'm too embarrassed to talk to her about this. Is this normal or should I try to talk to her about it?
Answers:
you may have some issues about your body and feeling normal or your sex education experiences may have frightened you. you are not alone with this problem but yes you must talk to your psychiatrist. if you hold stuff back the treatment won't work. this suggests your problem is one of trust and you can be helped. you write very explicitly about sex but the reality may not live up to the fantasy.
Other Answers:
Find a mate who will take his time with you. You don't have to be in a hurry. Sooner or later it will happen.
you should wait until you are married. Talk to her about it - I expect she has heard it all before, she can advise you or refer you to a different therapist.
Do try and seek help - sex is the most incredible thing with someone you love and trust, you have no idea what you are missing, woman!
It may sound cliche, but I suspect you were sexually abused as a child.
I suggest telling your therapist what you're dealing with so that he/she can help you work through it gradually.
In the meantime, maybe try explaining the problem to a guy that you really love and trust, and see if he will let you control the pace. It might help if you're the one in control.
.Best of luck to you; I hope everything works out.
simple answer is yes .you may have Been told when you were younger that it was wrong to b touched down their as you say or something upset you to make you feel that way so i suggest you talk it out to free yourself of this problem .masturbating and actual sex are two different things a vibrator is controlled by you ,you are afraid to let someone else take control of the situation. you need to talk to some one or it will be this way for along time
Next time your with a guy and feel like having sex, why don't you try touching yourself and he can watch or touch himself and then if you feel comfortable, once you get excited, maybe he could try touching you.
Or maybe you like sex but not men..
you really should talk to your dr about this, that is what she is there for
Well, if I were you I would tell the person that I really want you to touch me there, honest, and I would appreciate it if you would go easy on me, when i tell you to stop please do it. I sort of have a problem with people touching me down there, but since I want you to do it, do it, but please be agreeable if I tell you to stop. I would say this because then you don't have to feel mad or sad of yourself because your letting them do it and your just taking it one step at a time!
good luck !
It's not normal and I feel for you, but in a way you're lucky, Because when you finally get to be intimate with someone(and you will) It will be with someone who's cared enough about you to be patient with you, and you will know you've just had sex with someone who truly likes you and not just someone who wants to get in your pants.
The other thing that's crossed my mind is that if you freak out so much when men try to touch you down there then maybe it's not men you're interested in..just a thought.
this is definitelly not normal, please make yourself a favor, and seek some profesional help. However, don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever thought that you might not like men? just an opinion but that's all these answers are right?
i think because your telling yourself that your scared and no one can touch you, you tense yourself up so much you make it stop. before a guy thinks of touching you down there, in your mind you've already stopped him, am i right?
instead of thinking i cant I'm scared. think i can i will.
most of all don't just do it with any one.
your virginity is precious, lose it to some one you love and loves you.
sex is important in a relationship, its what holds a couple together.
if you're truly in love it will be like super glue, if your not you'll feel used he won't want to see you again because you only have paper glue.
hope that makes sense for you. Was you brought in a strict religious upbringing? Maybe this might have something to do with it. It is important that you talk through all you anxieties with your doctor otherwise you will never find the root of ur problem n so overcome it.
It is also very important that you are ONE HUNDRED PER CENT aroused when beginning to have sex. In the meantime don't put so much emphasis on ''losing ur virginity'', instead explore urself sexually with ur boyfriend fingering you instead, take your time, don't rush, spend hours on forplay and make sure you feel relaxed with ur boyfriend as ur anxieties is probably why u ''clamp'' up, making it near impossible to have sex, instead why not speak to a sex therapist instead to help you realise what it is you are afraid of. Good luck!
its ok if u dont want sex. take ur time it aint much to it anyways. discuss with ur therapist, its ok
your therapist will nt tell u to have sex, but will advice u to make urself comfortable and build ur confidence and sefl-esteem
SEX is a compicated thing indulge only wen ur mentally ready, being 25 i would guess ur body is fisically ready.
GOOD luck Are you American? Is your familly religious? It sounds to me that you've been indoctrinated with ideas that sex is bad.
I suggest seeing a counseller who coul dhelp you get your ideas back in line.
its a strange thing,if you are on medication it can effect your feeling towards sex,i am on medication and can freak out when being touched,im on a antidepresant,when ive had my medication changed ive noticed the difference,please speak to your phychiatrist and find out if the medication can effect the way you feel towards sex good luck chloex
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