Eye Contact..I don't get it...?

Question:

I am 15 years old and I am not sure what the unwritten policy on eye contact is. I feel if I don't look them in the eye then I am showing a lack of confidence and if I DO then they feel like I am 'staring them down', trying to show superiority, or staring at a paticular facial feature that is not formed to perfection. So what I do is glance up at them bout every 4 secs and nod my head and then look down or sdieways but it still doesn't feel right..What am I supposed to do? LOL, do I hhave social anxiety? Where do I put my eyes, them damn things??!!?

Answers:
I have the same problem you do about social anxiety, for years I struggled with similar questions as yours, and I have come to realize that as long as you are being sincere, and coming from an honest open place when speaking with someone, direct eye contact is always appreciated. If anyone actually thinks yer trying to stare them down during a conversation and you are not, that is their own insecurity issue & not yours so do not take on others problems, just be yourself, your wonderful unique self that ONLY you can be--anyone who is worth your time will see that you are who you are, accept & love you for it...just be yourself hon--don't worry about that other stuff anymore, no need to at all:)

Peace,
Jill A
PS just saw your new post, OK heres the deal for reals...the harder you "try" to be calm, relaxed, or whatever the harder it will become, and then you will def. NOT be able to be calm & just be YOU--stop trying to relax, just be you--if you need more help talk to your dr. about some of the newer meds out there for social anxiety-Ive heard some good things about them from friends who have similar issues.
Good luck!
Just be you, relaxed or not--thats all you need to be!

Other Answers:
You are thinking way way too much. No one cares that much about where your eyes are. Just relax and try to be more confident with yourself and realize you don't always have to be conscious of every little thing.

hmm..

you should look people in the eye and then alternate by looking at something past them like a car driving by or a nearby object. You dont have to continuously look at someone in the eyes, that would make anyone foolish.. Goodluck.

Just relax... there is no rule. Be yourself

If you have really pretty eyes, look them right in the face

its awesome

LOL!

Hi Martin, you are still young, so it's not too late for you to learn the "game." Martin, I promise you if you read these books I suggest, you will be more confident, and will have the necessary skills to deal with others.
1-How to Talk to Anyone.
2-How to Work a Room.
3-Winning Office Politics. (It's too soon to read this one, but when you are around 21, read it!).
Now, for eye contact, maintain a good eye contact, and use the "looking away" time to gather your thoughts before picking up the conversation. Don't look down to long, and don't appear unsure of yourself. Good luck.

the first guy that answered is right. but sometimes feel the same way you do. so what i do is just look at them or look behind them or use hand motions or look to the side i just look anwhere and also at them but not like a stare. just dont pay attention to it and it'll work. i dont really know what else to say but hope i helped!

wow please dont gauge out your eyes! just look at them for a few seconds, then look past them. see what THEY look at. maybe they dont feel comfortab with eye contact either. maybe look at your nails like your messing with them

Look at the bridge of the nose. To the other person it looks as though you are looking into the eyes. And I guarantee it is impossible for them to sus out what you are really looking at

try blinking one in awhile... people want you to look them in the eye.. shifty eyes suggest lies...
but if they feel like you are staring them down then maybe you are... blink for heavens sake... look at their faces too..dont concentrate only on their eyes... but keep your gaze steady when you speak.. and blink... dont appear as though your looking for zits or ingrown hairs or something... if they think this than you are looking at them too hard which means you are concentrating too much on making the eye contact....

if they make you nervous just imagine them standing in front of you in their underwear, try not to laugh. they will see you smiling and chuckling, and not only think you calm and cool but think you have a good sense of humour and are friendly.
p.s. our secret, you must never tell them what you are imagining. This is an old contract negotiators trick, it works.

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Eye Contact..I don't get it...?

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