R.A.D. Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Question: I have had R.A.D for the longest time.... and I am at the point I am not sure how to deal with it. I have been in the same relationship for about a year now... he and I are married... and he is finding getting along with me is really hard right now..... just because I am so picky about things... or I look for reasons to get upset at him..... There are times I feel like he is interested in other people or I feel like he is going to hurt me like my ex-husband did.... and my bio-logical family did...... I feel like if I don't let down my gard then he won't hurt me.... but I feel that i have pushed him further away then I wanted him to be. I don't want to hurt him... I just don't want to be hurt.... what can I do to fix this with out being on medication. We are trying to have more kids... I have 2 already... and I find myself being really hard on them to... What can I do to make things easier for my husband and my kids so we aren't at each others throats anymore.

Answers:
RAD is something that causes symptoms which usually persist into adulthood. It is something that is best fixed with the help of a great therapist. Medication is not necessary usually, unless you are really depressed or anxious. It is great that you are recognizing how your past is affecting your relationships now. Your family as a child is your blueprint for how you interpret other people and how you interact with them. Dealing with people can be difficult if your biological family caused you great trauma or feelings of abandonment.

My boyfriend I believe has this problem as well and it is a struggle everyday. We have been together over 9 months and he still won't tell me he loves me. It is so hard for him to connect with his own emotions or connect with other people.

I would definitely suggest some therapy for you as an individual and maybe some family or couples therapy. It can work wonders and it sounds like you could benefit from it quite a bit. Make sure you keep trying until you find a therapist you like. Good luck!

Here's an Adult Reactive Attachment Disorder support group online: http://adsg.syix.com/adultrad/forum/index.htm

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I think you just have to learn to just let go of everything and let the chips fall where they may. Just relax. Be supportive of your family's every day activities and when you ind yourself feeling the old feeling of thinking that you might want to start to be nit-picky, just forget about it. Is it really that important? It's probably not. I think that if you loosen your grip on your family, you will find them closer to you than ever before.

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