Should I just move on? (please be respectful)?

Question: I was intentionally trying to anger my bf and his response was to throw a light fixture at me and then choke me when I was taking his property for collateral for the money he owed me. I accept that I was wrong for trying to anger him and then for taking his stuff. I also realize that physical violence is never acceptable and that I didn't deserve it. So I decided that because we were both in the wrong and that he felt embarrassed about what he did that we could continue in the relationship but see each other less until both of us had space and time to figure things out. Recently when I talked to him after I said You shouldn't have choked me in a conversation his response was Well you shouldn't have touched my f'n guitar then he told me that he doesn't understand why I'm making such of a big deal about things because he didn't even leave a mark. Well I thought that if he realized what he had done and we both went to counseling that things would be ok. Why is it so hard to move on?

Answers:
I think it can often be hard to leave someone that we are with, even if we know we should. That said, you should leave this situation. It will only get worse. I think we females sometimes hope things will change and if we are "there for them", etc., they will realize how much they need to change and then we can live happily ever after. It isn't going to happen. I waited around six years thinking it was going to change. Trust me when I say it doesn't and it only gets worse. You have to believe in yourself, accept the fact that you are going to not be in a relationship and that not being in a relationship is okay - even good & fun (you can spend more time with your girlfriends) - and be strong about it. I know it is hard, but don't fool yourself into thinking you are staying because you love him. True love isn't like the situation you described. You may love the idea of what things might have been, but they aren't that, so you need to let it go. Time will make things easier and you will be able to see the situation in better perspective. My advice is to not see him or talk to him at all for a long time (4 months? 6 months?) and then see what you think.

Another thing, it seems like neither one of you is bringing out the best qualities in the other. (I behaved badly with my ex as well and I was often really ashamed of the things I did). When two people are in a healthy relationship, they should bring out the best in each other. I am not saying that you would never fight, but the majority of your relationship should be good, healthy interactions that build each other up rather than drag each other down. Sometimes when we are with the wrong people, it is hard to be the best that we ourselves can be.

I don't mean to sound callous; I have been there and I do know how hard it is. You deserve the best that life can give you - don't accept any less. I wish you the best of luck.

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Yes, move on. Both of you were wrong, and I think you'd both be better off without each other.

He's completely wrong for physically accosting you in a violent manner. A man would only need to do that to me once for it to be the last time. I'd never give someone who did that a second chance. If they do it once, they'll do it again.

But looking at your actions, you were no angel yourself, per your own admission that you were intentionally trying to anger your BF. (Thank you, btw, for your openness and honesty.) It sounds like there's not a lot of love or tenderness between the two of you (because otherwise why would you try to intentionally anger him?), so I think it's best for the both of you to just walk away from each other and move on.

I wish you well in finding a person with whom you can have a kind and loving relationship. Remember you need to be kind and loving to get that in return.

Good luck to you, girl!

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He sounds like a jerk. You can do better.

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