Depression is killing me...?
Question:
Today is really bad, not sure why, or what triggered it, but I feel just fuckin horrible, and frankly I am getting so sick of it! Why can't I just be happy, I have no reason too be upset, I am with a great man, escaped my abusive husband a few years ago, i feel like im moving on about the death of my mother, I have a good paying job, work long hours, but get paid well. But I still think of all the negative stuff, guilt, pain, paranoid, I turn too booze for release, lost all friends, dont want to talk to anyone..ugh i hate it. Death seem's to be my only escape..Why can't the pain just go away, I want to be normal again. Sorry this wasnent really a question, just needed to vent, i hope someone can understand this sh*t.
Answers:
ive been there before. You can take medication to chemically alter the hormone levels in your brain. Its like doing manually what your body does automatically baised on diet/health/emotion.
Or, you can decide to move on and get over it. I come from a family of atleast three generations of clinically depressed women. Its nothing more than a weakness in your character that you dont want to deal with.
Trust me, its easier to just be sad and miserable than to not be. But eventually you're going to have to choose between slipping into that state, and fighting it. Whether on your own or with drugs.
You're already dependant on on a medication so to speak. Alcohol alters your body chemistry just the same as any medicine would. The side effects of that are worse than anything you had to begin with in the first place.
You need to start with your head and finish with your body. Decide to change how you think about things. Killing yourself is the single most selfish thing you could ever do. There are people in your life, and people who need to be in your life that depend on your for their own survival and happiness. Taking that away from them leaves the same gap in their lives that you have now.
You can decide that your worthless and no one needs you and you cant get anything right anyway, or you can realize that there are people you come into contact with EVERY DAY who need your compassion. How many times have you told yourself "if someone will just smile at me today, i might be able to make it through.."? Youre that person to someone every day, you just dont know it. You're not the only one secretly depressed and wasting away.
As long as you have breath you have purpose. Sitting around feeling sorry for how you feel only makes things worse.
So get out there. Work in a soup kitchen, take up a cause. Whatever your interests are. You like people? do something for someone. You like kids? Do something for a kid in need. You like dogs? take on that cause.
I dont care if you're living in a box in an alley with one change of holey cothes and a stench that can make cheese melt. There is still someone out there who needs you to make their day better some how.
If no one would notice that you were gone, its because you wouldnt allow yourself to be noticed while you're here.
You dont have to be a social butterfly if you dont want to. You just need to be.
Honestly, if you want to see people more miserable than yourself, go visit a local nursing home. You dont need an appointment. Walk in and visit with the first old spaced out lady you find. its very humbling.
Start doing things for other people, and you'll find you dont need so much to make yourself feel better. You just need to learn to turn your head off. Just because you think something doesnt make it right.
I have been here, with the pills in my hand, witht he knife in my hand, on the edge of the bridge, ive been there. you're the only person who can decide to change it.
Dont waste your life when theres so much that the world needs from you. You werent just born for the hell of it. You were born to fill a gap. dont cop out of that.
Lastly. You need to eat right, so you hormones and chemicals and balance out. Stop eating porcessed foods, put down the fast food, dont eat foods that come wrapped in crinkley sounding plastic.
Eat a salad once a day, with a glass of water. Start there. eat anything else you want, but eat that damn salad every day, with a glass of water.
Take a complete multivitamin. every day.
And walk, every day, EVERY DAY. i dont care where or how long. go outside in the sun, during the day and walk. EVERY DAY.
You can choose to waste your life, or you can choose to live it. You own that body of yours, it has to obey you. even the voices that tell you you suck. You live there, they cant. tell em to shut up.
Find yourself a purpose. get help with your drinking if its become a problem, otherwise, you dont get to drink unless you're at a party and someone else you know and trust is pouring them for you.
email me if you want. amosunknown@yahoo.com. Iam not giving that to you so we can have a pity party, you can email me and i'll listen, and kick your butt until you get motivated to live.
i know what its like to be here.
You definately need meds and need to stay on them. Keep going till you find the right med. Life is so much clearer and brighter and better all around, when you are on the right meds and you feel better.
Dont think about having to take meds as something you gotta do or rely on.....be glad that something helps.
I wish you much happiness. Take a look at your life, your family....and realize the things you have are so precious.
I live with depression and take meds, Im much happier and am so glad theres something that helps me. I was suicidal too.
such things happens when one has done certain things against her/his will,
Now do not worry accept the reality and think only of others and meet family members frequently . Every thing will be normal soon you realize that you are wanted by every one .
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