Have you ever thought of taking your life and if so why?
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I thought about it briefly when I was seven years old, my father was overly protective and kept me in my room, I was allowed out for meals, school and sometimes the bathroom, at school people including the teachers were too scared to talk to me, so it wasn't until my parents divorce when I was 7 that I became able to live like a normal child.
In my room I had monsters, one under my bed which made me petrified to leave my bed or go near the edges of my bed, there were also what I believed were giant bugs in the ceiling that would get me, these were actually shadows cast by the light fitting but I used to spend hours watching them in case they moved – I was a child, you know what it is like for monsters in the dark ideas. I could see and hear other people my age playing in the streets, I knew what was happening to me wasn't normal, I didn't like being alone and I didn’t like not being able to tell people what I was thinking or feeling, I could barely talk even if I did get a chance to speak to anyone to tell them how I was feeling.
My first school was very Christian, I knew there was a Jesus although always Pagan I thought I'd have a go at asking him for help, I had tried asking everyone else to help including Santa Clause, in sobs of tears right then I decided I wanted to die and thought about how to do it – I figured jumping out the window, but in my strange child-mind I was too scared in case I'd upset my dad if I left my room.
It amazes me how mind worked as a child.
But that was then, this is now, I think the fact I went through that and other traumas since then as a result of how I lived in my childhood made me a very strong person who can face pretty much anything. I pretty much had to learn socialisation, and other things people take for granted like reading and writing about 7 years later than everyone else and that was hard – I'm proud of that fact, so ending my life after all this hard work, no matter how bad things may be (I'm very very rarely depressed, although occasionally a little down due to lifes evils, problems brought about by this abuse as a child, and ongoing health problems), would be a waste of all I put into my life.
Who hasn't?
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