For people with social anxiety?
For those who also have social anxiety and even those that don’t any advice would be appreciated. So I am in grad school and doing well except in this one class. Everyone in the class is extroverted which makes it that much more difficult. The other day I went out of my way to talk to people but it only made me feel more awkward (they responded to my small talk with one word answers which didn’t help). Should I continue to go out of my way to talk to these people or should I just keep to myself? I don’t want to come across desperate but I also don’t want to be the odd man out. Any advice would be appreciated.
Is there help around for fear?
Answers:
You seem to be taking it personally when other people do not react to you in the way that you expect them to. Learn how to stop doing that (taking it personally), and you will have solved your problem (it worked for me).
First of all, how people react to you probably has more to do with them, and the kind of day that they were having so far, than it does with you. If you tried a couple of times to make small talk with someone, and they really don't respond, then tell yourself that they are probably having a bad day, or perhaps they are introverted themselves, and go talk to someone else. Do not allow yourself to dwell on it, and refuse to make a big deal about it (If you overreact to the fact that they were not in a talkative mood, not only does it bother you un-necessarily, but the other person senses it too, and they will continue to act awkward around you in the future because they will take it personally that you seemed to make a big deal about it). If the person was shy or having a bad day themselves, they will probably come find you later, if they notice that you are a friendly, talkative person who mingles with other people easily (makes you look approachable), and apologize if you give them the time to get over their bad mood.
By the way, if you seem needy, overly shy, too awkward, or too nervous around people, then they will feel hesitant about speaking to you because they will feel like you are a person who is easily offended, and they will feel nervous talking to you. Approach people with a self-confident smile that implies that you already know that they will like you, and it becomes a self-fulling prophecy since your positive attitude will be catching. Make sure that you make consistent eye contact, because that implies interest in the other person (always flattering), and it implies self-confidence (the opposite of fearful & needy). How do you develop self-confidence and get over being nervous? Glad that you asked.
Do you consider yourself to be a good person? Of course you do. You consider yourself to be a good, loyal friend? Be honest. I'm sure that you are. So, if a person doesn't want to talk to you, then who loses out, your or them? They do. You are a great person, and you make a great friend, so don't worry about it if just one crazy person wants to deprive himself of your company. Act as if it is no big deal (and it isn't, because the opinion of just one person doesn't matter), and go talk to the next person. Smile, act confident, and look people in the eye, and you will get better with every encounter. It is true, and don't stop believing it. If you make a mistake, so what? Mistakes are how you learn (you cannot please everyone anyway, so stop worrying about it). Don't be so afraid of screwing up that you don't even try. Don' treat failure as if it were the end of the world. Failure is a part of learning, and it happens to everyone, not just to you. No one is going to die if you accidentally offend someone, so stop worrying about it.
Better living through pharmacology my friend. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and get something to help with that.
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