I think my husband has a mental illness. What should I do?

Question:

He gets very very angry over small things and then blows up. Half of the time he doens't even blow up over the original problem. He may be mad because someone left something on the kitchen counter but it soon turns into a major major arguement and it usually ends with him saying horrible horrible things to me. He admits to having an anger problem but has never tried to get help. I don't know what to do. We have been together for 11 years and I don't want my marriage to end in divorce but I don't think I can live like this any longer. He expects are house to be PERFECT, our cars to be IMMACULATE, me to look PERFECT and our son to act like and ANGEL. The stress is getting to be more than I can handle. Please help!!!!

Answers:
Well you sound like you are having a hard time in your marriage at the moment.

There are several things to think about.
You don't say whether your husbands anger is a new development or has been a constant personality trait. If it is the former it could be down to stress or something else but if it is his constant behaviour and he has never attempted to change it, it is unlikely he is going to change.
I would recommend letting him know at a time when he is not angry how the behaviour make you feel - anxious nervous sad etc
and ask him if you could both go for counceliing or whether he will get help.

Having a bad temper and perfectionism and being critical do not necessarily equate to a mental illness, it could be who he is and if he has chosen not to change that behaviour then it is his choice.

You cannot control it but there are a number of things you can do about yourself.
Firstly, you don't say whether he is physically abusive but he certainly sounds mentally abusive. This is a very unhealthy situation for you to be in and your kids if you have any.
You have a responsibility to try and make your marriage work but after eleven years of this behaviour you have more than given it a shot.
Maybe you should get some councelling and work on your self esteem. You need to set some firm behavioural boundarie with your husband and stick with the consequences so he can see you mean it and that his anger has specific negative consequences.

If he really wants to change, he can and your life will improve. However if he doesn't or can't than it is difficult to see how you could stay in your marriage as marriage is a partnership between two people who love and support each other. Neither of you will be happy if this pattern of behaviour continues.

Good luck.

Talk to your family doctor about him and see if you can get him in for an appointment for an evaluation. He has anger management
issues and needs to get help.

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I think my husband has a mental illness. What should I do?

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