My therapist says I seek external gratification because I am unhappy within. How can I feel internally happy.?

Question:

I may have some self esteem issues... But my actions would be contrary to that. You see I put the "vote my pic" rating on POF and my bf asked me "why?". I thought it was because I have low self esteem but then he said.. "if that were true I would not have posted my pic because I would be expecting more negative responses than positive." which would like, lower your self esteem further. I know I am not ugly.. even though I am dissatisfyed with certain parts of my body. My therapist says that she doesnt think Im depressed.. we've only had a few sessions and I've been on antidepressants for a few months now. She says I am seeking this external gratification because I am unable to create it within myself. I need to hear positive things from other people to justify my happiness or even before I can feel it for that matter. Why can I not feel it for myself? Why can I not create it for myself? Why do even care what you think? *another perfect example. Boy am I messed up huh?

Answers:
Every person is different and has different needs, and sometimes we don't get from life what we think we should.

Get in touch with yourself and discover your own needs. What do you love? What things about yourself do you like? What things about you are cool or quirky (forget what other people think)?

Don't abandon parts of yourself which you think are abnormal. Hang on to what makes you unique. Cherish your own virtues. Keep what you think might be uncool, one day it will come back into fashion.

Stop doing things which create negative feelings. This can be hard, but its important sometimes to wake up and say "Hey I would be a better person if I didn't do this." Also, if you have any wasteful or negative tendencies, think about how your ideal person or role model might do it better.

Stand up tall and be proud of yourself, not only on the inside but also show the world that you are proud to be yourself, and you are proud to be a member of our world.

Other Answers:
you cant love others until you love yourself.o smile alot and make others think of what your up to.

I don't really know what to tell you but I know what you mean about relying on someone else to make you happy! I have the same problem and I am seeking help for my depression and anxiety! Good luck and God bless!

It's all very confusing to think about. Feeling internally happy is difficult if you can't figure out why you're unhappy to begin with. Do you ever go to church? I find that hearing God's Word being preached and being among Christians is reassuring.

You need to get this book: "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burns, MD... It will change your life. It changed mine:
http://www.geocities.com/seabulls69/AntidepressantThatWorks.html

'nuff said?

Personally, I wouldn't suggest going to a shrink. But who knows, I'm slightly messed up in the head too. (isn't everyone? People who say they aren't usually are lying.) But this is what i find to work.
Look for an outlet. My outlet is drawing, playing instruments, writing, cleaning. Whatever it is, it has to be gratifying to you. You shouldn't worry about other people for a little bit. Make something, or do something, that makes you feel better about yourself. (No, i'm not saying go on a chocolate binge-)
Since the doc says you're not depressed, I would suggest getting off the meds. I wanted to put my pix on that site too, but then i realized that it wouldn't mean anything and it would simply be wasting time. Go hang out with friends, find ways to develop yourself as a person. Then go on from there. Heck, there's always learning or doing something new. :)

Why are you taking antidepressants if you are not depressed? To treat some other condition? Ask your therapist these questions. She is making a bundle and all I get is a lousy non-negotiable 2 points.

WOW that sounds just like me. I never thought of it like that. You really opened my eyes up to that possibility. Thanks

you should meditate. meditating is a good thing. you can find inner strength and happiness by meditating just about 15 minutes a day. you should read up on it.

First of all, the book that another answerer mentioned is a good one, but it's actually titled "Feeling Good" not "The Feeling Good Handbook." Burns is the author.

The stuff about online pics, etc., is inconsequential; your boyfriend's reasoning is faulty--even someone with low self-esteem would risk anonymous strangers' feedback about their appearance. But I'm not saying that I think you necessarily have "low self-esteem."

"Low self-esteem" is, by the way, merely a catch-phrase, a pop psychology label that may or may not be useful for anyone to bother buying into. Dr. Laura Schlessinger and many others point out that so much B.S. is being taught to kids in schools in for the sake of their "self-esteem" when what really should be being taught is discipline, and moreover "self-discipline." For example, we have become afraid to give kids failing grades when they don't do the work and pass the tests, etc., because we are obsessed with preserving and/or not damaging their "self-esteem." But this "politically correct" environment only enables sloth and ignorance and spoiled, self-indulgent self-centered unproductive kids who turn into spoiled adults who then go to therapists when the world doesn't give them constant positive affirmations that they are so fabulous.

Which leads me to my real answer for you.

My guess is that you need to take on some challenging project in your life, something that is difficult but realistic that you can accomplish(but that you just might not succeed at accomplishing!). Risk it. Working hard at it will give you the sense that you are too busy to get bogged down in what others think of you, or even what you think of you. Focusing on it will make you more attractive to others, too. Believe me. The feeling of satisfaction you will experience from tackling a challenging and worthwhile task will stay with you until you decide that it's time to embark on another one.

This is not to say that "works without faith" is sufficient. Many people simply accept that life is full of discomfort and stress and ups and downs, and they don't get sucked down too far when they are feeling something missing; they just suffer through it quietly until it passes and the good times come back again. Cycles are normal to an extent. You may be experiencing the uncomfortable revelation many young people encounter when they are faced with growing up, responsibility, and the idea that euphoria is not a permanent state!

Last of all, keep a gratitude list somewhere, even if it's just a mental list--this is absolutely essential!! Always remember what you have, instead of dwelling on what you don't have(and envying others). This will keep you grounded in the positive.

Good luck and "Illigitimi no carborundum est"--

"Don't let the bastards wear you down."

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My therapist says I seek external gratification because I am unhappy within. How can I feel internally happy.?

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