I thought I was over the grieving period, but I'm grieving in a different way. And I can't sleep.?

Question:

My fiance died 1 1/2 years ago, and I thought I was over it. I went through the whole grieving period. I cried for a long time because I thought I couldn't live without him. I got over that. I've been happy lately, while still sad that he's gone, but accept it as a part of life. I just started crying all of a sudden for a new reason. Not because he's gone, but because I now feel as lonely as when I was with him. I used to think of the wrong that I did to him, and that I should have made the best of our lives. Now I'm thinking of all of the hurt he caused me. I feel all of that hurt now, all of a sudden. Not the pain of him being dead, but the pain of him trying to prove our lives to other people instead of making us happy...and of him not hearing me when I was trying to tell him how I felt inside, and him getting mad cause he thought it was an attack on him, but it was a cry for help from him. Don't get me wrong, we had a good relationship, despite the hurtfull times, but I feel it now

Answers:
It's like peeling an onion, my love...don't judge it...honor it...give it voice.

Perhaps this is the harder part to grieve...it is more about you and your search for meaning. A year ago you did not have the courage and strength to face it as you do today.

You are dealing with this now...because you can...

My own grandmother never got over the death of her husband even a decade after he's gone. We can't give ourselves a specific grace period to get over the loss of a loved one. The fact that you are slipping back into depression after you thought you were on the road to recovery is an indication that you haven't really had a proper closure in this relationship.

You also mentioned that your tears and sadness were triggered by loneliness. Perhaps it's time to go out and meet someone new rather than staying cooped up at home.

Strangers and friends can offer you words of advice and comfort, but you really need to brace yourself for the road ahead on your own. Turn to God and your close friends. Learn to live again. I wish you all the best!

I am so sorry for your loss. You are now into another stage of grief. In this stage you get angry at the loved one for dying. This is 100% normal. When my Mom passed away I was sad for a very long time and then I got mad at her for not being here where I needed her to be. This to will pass and you will finally come to acceptance of his death. Once you do you will be ready to move on with your life. There is no time table for grieving it will take as long as you need it to take.

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I thought I was over the grieving period, but I'm grieving in a different way. And I can't sleep.?

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