Plagued by the ugly pictures in my mind. Is there any hope for me?
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You have endured much, & I commend you on reaching out to meet your needs & take care of yourself. Excellent that you're seeking support! Both my wife & my Mother have dealt with DID, so I can understand a little of your pain.
First of all, may I suggest you seriously look into a christian form of counseling called "Theophostic Counseling". It has proven extremely successful for individuals with DID. While I do not have DID, I did undergo this type of counseling & it made a profound breakthrough for me in regards to the sexual abuse I endured as a child.
Secondly, when you get specific images of people in your mind, make them what I refer to as a "prayer target". Begin praying for them; for G-d to bless them; for their life to begin being directed by G-d; for their own wounds & traumas to be eased; for G-d to pour out mercy & compassion on them. As you begin praying for those who have hurt you, the enemy of your soul will stop bringing their memory to your mind as he does not want G-d to begin blessing & liberating them. In addition, it will soften your heart & help you be more godly in your inner man.
Another technique is to begin quietly playing instrumental or worship music in the background to help you stay focused on positive & godly things. Or, write down Scriptures that speak to you & post them all over where you can see them.to help you focus on what is good, pure, just, lovely & true.
I'm sure you have overcome a lot, & the journey ahead will have some rough spots, but there will be times of refreshing & strength for you, as well.
Reach out to your friends when you need them. Do not be afraid to ask for what you need. You deserve love & respect for what you've endured, and you will keep making progress as you face your issues. Remember, what you resist; persists. Just as the Israelites had to face the rough, barren wilderness before they entered the Promised Land, you will also have to face some hard times before you enter into your place of rest.
Other Answers:
Um NO! There is nothing wrong with you in the first place. Except the christian part. But you can change that through education. The other stuff you cannot reverse, so it is part of your life. Deal with it.
It seems that you maybe suffering from symptoms of PTSD, or posttraumatic stress disorder. The ugly pictures being what they call flashbacks and are part of the syndrome. Yes there is hope, you need to see a counselor or a psychiatrist, medication and psychotherapy, group or individual do help.
Trauma survivors often have flashbacks and "ugly pictures" years after the incident took place. You probably should try to locate a trained mental health professional in your area. Try to find one that practices EMDR, which is a special technique used to help people with symptoms like yours. You can find a therapist through your insurance company or talk to your primary care physician. Also, in some areas of the country, you can dial 211 from a house phone and the people who answer can give you referrals to different types of services. This referral service is funded through United Way, so if you have it in your area, it is free to call. And yes, you most definitely can get better and heal yourself. Just remember, it takes time to heal from the terrible experiences you have had to live through. Best of luck to you, and God bless!
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