I really want to be dead.?
Question:
Oh I' m on lithobid & Cymbalta & abilify, but I haven't taken them in 4 days. The bottles I have now were picked up from the pharm. on 7/26/06 and I still have about a week left, so you see how irreguarly I take um.
Answers:
Maybe you need a change in your meds. You have felt suicidal since you have been 9 years old...thats a long time to feel that way. Have you spoken to your psych about it....maybe your mood could be changed simply with a change in your medication.
Why should you live? Because you dont know what is around the corner. And may I say sleeping pills may not do the trick either....you may not end up dead, you may end up in a psychiatric hospital with brain damage being dependant on your carers to feed you, to shower you, to wipe your bottom...Nope, not for me.
No one who has succeeded in killing themselves have ever come back to tell us what it was like on the other side. I did, however, read some personal stories about people who tried to kill themselves but were unsuccessful. One in particular sticks in my mind. She was rushed to the hosptial after trying to kill herself....she died on the operating table. When they revived her she said while she was dead she felt these horrible ugly creatures tearing at her flesh...it was never ending. She said the pain she was suffering was the worst pain she has ever experinced. She said she would never try to kill herself again because the experience of being dead was just too horrifying and no emotional pain she suffered in this life could even compare to the pain and suffering she experienced in the next.
A lot of people will dispute these near death experiences, but I believe them, and a lot of these experiences havent been so nice. The spirit world has neither been proven or disproven, but I dont think I would take the chance of being eternally tormented in the next life if I chose to suicide.
It has got to be the meds that are making you feel like this. Feeling suicidal for 20 years means there is something wrong with whatever messages you are getting in your brain. Go talk to your Psych....some changes I think need to be made and made quickly.
Life is great...you havent experienced that, and I dont know what else I can say to make you want to live. You are an individual with thoughts that no-one else can share....no-one knows how you are feeling...not really. Honestly, go talk to your psych.....as this is not a new feeling for you. I could give you heaps of suggestions about why you should live if it was just a circumstantial thing....but in your case its not. You need some intervention. You need to take more control, especially in taking your medication. You havent taken this medication in 4 days.....are your suicidal thoughts worse? If they are, then you need to get back on the meds. You are the master of your own destiny....you are the only one who can take control of your life.
That's your problem...the medicine. When I go off Zoloft just one day...man---I cry and get mad and grit my teeth ....it is horrible. Don't mess with your chemical balance. It is very dangerous.
Be careful. This can cause suicide feelings. I've been there. I am fighting it now. If you want to talk email me. Good luck
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