Self-harming relapse?

Question:

I'm 17 and in college.

When I was in high school, I had a moderate problem with self-harm but never received any professional help for it. I once tried to talk to my mum about it, but she said I was just attention-seeking and to solve my own problems. It culminated about a year ago with me slashing myself across the face with a needle, leaving a still-visible scar on my cheek. I told my parents I’d fallen on a pair of scissors, and while they must have both doubted it, neither of them said anything.

I got with a guy 6 months ago, and we went out until yesterday, when we broke up once and for all. A few weeks back I scrammed him on the arm because he did something I really wasn't okay with (no explanation needed) and he told me he'd spent hours picking at the wound to make it bleed so he could remember me. It just brought back all my own memories, and about a week ago I found myself harming myself minorly on the forearm, again with a needle.

Answers:
First, stay away from this guy because you don't need that kind of influence in your life. There will be so many great guys at college and beyond, so let this one go.

Obviously you have a lot of pain inside, the cause of which only you can know or discover. I think the first thing you might want to focus on is allowing yourself to feel that pain and not try and replace it with physical pain. Also know that you are allowed to feel pain and just because there aren't scars doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you. You don't need to make scars to prove to the world that you are hurting. And your mother was wrong, you aren't just trying to get attention.

You have a lot of emotional energy that you could use for constructive purposes, rather than destructive purposes. Try something creative and new - try a bunch of things and see what fits you. Right now, the reaction to the pain you are feeling is only hurting yourself more (I know you know that), and basically you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I'm not sure if this would help, but while you are finding other ways to cope, perhaps you could try drawing on yourself with a red pen. It sounds stupid, but I actually know that for some people that helps. It's worth a shot, at least.

If you really are having a hard time, talk to your school counselor. That's what they are there for, and you can get a great deal because you are a student. The stresses of adapting to a new life and schedule can bring out negative coping tactics, and they can, at the very least, help you talk out what is going on in your mind and help you realize exactly what it is that is hurting you.

Many colleges have a counselor that you can see. I would suggest stopping by for a visit.

Good luck.

Have you ever tried helping someone worse off than you? Sometimes seeing someone who legitimately has it worse than you can be enough to wake you up from the obsession. My daughters friend stopped after she started following her mother around with her volunteering efforts, reading to kids in the hospital, preparing and delivering meals to needy families etc.

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Self-harming relapse?

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