what can i do about my grandma?

Question:

My grandma has slight dementia and anxiety disorder, recently she got an UTI, and has been more confused (which I know is normal) and more anxious, to the point where she is calling me 2-3 times a day crying. The past two days she has called in the middle of the night. I love my grandma but her calling at all hours is starting to affect my work. She currently lives in assistive living and receives great care, she is fine when she interacts with them, and so I know some of this behavior is a guilt trip on me. She has a niece that lives one town away but because I live here and am in health care, all the responsibility falls on me. Her only child (my mother) passed away 13 years ago, when i was 18. I’ve tried staying away (in hopes she will make friends there), and when I visit I hear how bad she has it and how she hates the place where she is at (this is nothing new). I don't know what to do anymore help??

Answers:
From years of experience working in a geropsych unit (a mental health unit for seniors) I may be able to provide a bit of assistance.

I know that in senior citizens, a UTI (urinary tract infection) can actually cause confusion, in contrast with younger adults who do not experience confusion as a result.

You should find out if the dementia is an actual professional diagnosis (from a psychiatrist) or if it has been loosely applied from one of the staff. Because if it is then you need to find out more about whether this condition is progressively degenerative (likely to get worse) because if that is the case she may need to be placed in a care facility that specializes in care for patients with dementia. It doesn't sound like the ALF where she is now is equipped for that.

Don't take it personally when she calls on you in the middle of the night. It's not a "guilt trip". Many times the dementia patients I have worked with were anxious because they were disoriented. They may have been worried because they felt they didn't have enough money (even when they did), that someone was taking their money, that they were trapped and couldn't leave, the list goes on. In some cases they need a lot of reassurance that whatever irrational thought process is going on is not correct. In some cases the short and/or long term memory has to some degree been lost, so that the caregiver finds they are repeating themselves continually, telling them the same thing over and over, and the dementia-affected patient will respond, "oh" as if they had just heard it for the very first time. It could be that your grandmother is starting to forget.

It could be that there really is some negative stuff going on at the facillity, or it could be a misperception going on her part stemming from the disease. It could be that the care she is receiving is not appropriate to her condition, causing her to complain that she's not happy with it, but not really knowing why.

There may be a geropsychiatric hospital available where she can go and get stabilized on a therapeutic dose of medication for her condition. when she gets the right care she may become less anxious.

I hope this helps somewhat.

Other Answers:
does she have any flub?

Don't stay away, treasure every minute with her. one of my friends mom has dementia.
you can try and move her in with you and hire a nurse to help you while you are at work.
i know its very tough so just hang in there

Well first of all i don't feel any nursing home is a good place for anyone. I do not believe in putting family members in nursing homes. You should listen to her when she says she doesn't like it there. I used to work in a nursing home and i would hate to live in one. The only way i would put a family member in a nursing home was if they required 24 hour a day health care that i could not provide. so maybe everything would work out if one of her family members stepped up and took her home. Try writing down instructions for her to follow when she isn't sure what to do. This way she won't need to call you at all hours to decide what to do. Let the staff at the place she's at know that she isn't sleeping through the night - that's not healthy. Also, start calling her every day at the same time, so that she can learn to expect your call. Send her some nice stationary to write down all the questions that she wants to ask you during the day, so that when you call each day she'll know what she wants to ask and you can answer her questions then, instead of at 2am.

Sounds like maybe your grandma is ready for more than just assisted living environment if she is calling you 2-3 times a day.
Maybe it is time to start looking for a long term care facility for her to live in, so she has 24 hour supervision and someone to keep her company at nite and she feels safe.

Have you spoken with her Social Worker? I understand the UTI will cause more confusion, and make her more anxious, because she just doesn't feel good, but she also sounds depressed. She might need an evaluation by a mental health care professional. Sometimes, if the depression is treated in a dementia patient, they feel better and are able to interact better with their own surroundings, thus freeing you up. I might also suggest you join a caregivers support group. Sounds like you, too, need help sorting things out. It is a lot to handle for one person, health caregiver or not. She's not able to lay a guilt trip on you - only you are.

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what can i do about my grandma?

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