In your darkest moment(s) and please be?
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I am 22 and unmedicated for Bipolar. I think about or attempt every winter. The happiest time of the year. I live a couple of hrs away from my nearest family member but they have never come to see me. even when they are in town for business they will not call they just pass on thru and keep on going. They know where I live and my cell but they will not call or come by
The lonlyness of the holiday sesion, seeing every one happy and in love it is just depressing when you are alone. Feeling like no one cares about you or loves you during thanksgiving & christmas. Lets be thankful for what we have right well what do you have really? what makes it the happiest time of the year? Family they haven't rembered me sence I was 12. Friends they have there own familys and can't come by when needed.
So every year I sit and I think and I plan.
Last year I was about to when I got a call from my sister in law telling me that my mother was in the hospital for emergency heart surgery. I couldn't leave my mom in the hospital possible on her death bed wondering if I was going to come or not. I couldn't break her heart when she might not survive to see the next year.
but now the summers half over and i wonder what will this year be ike?
Other Answers:
I was afflicted with post-partum depression, and although I didn't think of killing myself, I certainly didn't want to be alive any more. I am very glad I didn't do anything about that.
In the midst of my divorce, the fighting. The hate was sometimes unbearable, but the thought that my kids would be alone and not have me in their life, always kept me going. Besides, it would also mean my ex would get the kids. I used to do want to do it all the time. Instead I cut myself on my arms with a razor blade. I had a tiny ounce of hope that my heart would heal one day so that's why I didn't do it. I fell in love a couple years after the suicide thoughts went away.and the love stayed for good. So I'm here for good =)
I was pretty hesistant to tell my sob story on here but none of you know me so I guess it's ok
That's a yes.
I was 14 years old. I thought about it. I never actually did it. Stuff was messed up in my life at the time. Both my parents drank and my dad would hit my mom and hold a knife to her throat. I didn't sleep much for fear of what would happen to her when I was asleep.
I stopped hanging out with my friends, stopping going to their houses and stopped letting them come over. I got pretty bitter. I remember thinking all of them were stupid when I would see them laughing and having fun.
That's what led up to me feeling that way. Like I said, I never acted on it. I talked with my parents. They straightened up. That was almost 10 years ago. I get along fine with both of them now. I'm glad I didn't do anything because I'm with a wonderful man whom I love with every ounce of my being. (cheesy eh?)
I always wish that i could die for a while to skip an exam. just one problem, you can't 'reanimate'.
In the end I am glad that I did not commit suicide, because I would not be here otherwise! I love this place with all its flaws.
Note: I do have other stories, but I would preferr not to tell them when my nick is in fact my name. But I tell u this, I am defenently glad I am still here.
what ever the reason, the result is not that great. no you wont go to hell, first off you don't even realize you have been successfully, then you do notice small things at a few are different. you see you die from one world and begin in an even worse one after the deed. i know! Yes, I have had those "thoughts" for as long as I can remember! I tried to OD in 2000 but my friend found out and I ended up getting hauled to the hospital and landed in a psych ward! I still have those thoughts but won't ever act on them!!
Everybody thinks about it at some point or another, once it becomes an obsession you're in dangerous water to quote a favorite movie Girl, Interrupted "You like the movie you live, you miss the train kill yourself." It's whether you do it that counts.
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