How will my fiancee's bi polar disorder effect our children?
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Answers:
It is important for him to take medication to control the symptoms of this disorder because they are totally controllable but he needs medication. You child would have a 15-30% chance of developing it if one parent has this illness.
However with all mental illness, there are factors that may influence someone ever developing that and it is mostly widely accepted that they are bio - psycho -social - so people can be born with a genetic predisposition but what happens in their minds and in their social lives can also influence if these types of things will ever develop - same as alcoholism, addiction and many other factors. Also it has been shown that a person socioeconomic status can effect their mental illness or development of one.
I would say that so many people are at risk of this illness and it is hard to ever know but that you have the advantage of being aware and educated about the symptoms and signs so that is good. But it does not sound like he is doing the proper things to control these syptoms and that is the most essential thing for him to do -- escpecially with a new baby coming - he can't go on spending sprees and just not come home. He needs to see a pyschiatrist and take medication - diseases like this - like bipolar and schizophrenia need medication in order to live with them on a functional level.
There is something called the Diathesis Stress Model which means that people can be born with a predisposition or vulnerability to mental illness but whether or not they develop it depends on what happens - the stressors in their life. So - no she may not develop it at all. She may have this one genetic component and because you are so aware - she may never develop it- just make sure to talk to her and ask about her feelings and watch her behavior - like you would with any kid.
Women do tend to develop the more depressive end of bipolar and men tend to develop the more manic end - there are a few types of bipolar disorder:
Bipolar I disorder is characterized by one or more manic episodes or mixed episodes (symptoms of both a mania and a depression occurring nearly every day for at least 1 week) and one or more major depressive episodes. Bipolar I disorder is the most severe form of the illness marked by extreme manic episodes.
Bipolar II disorder is characterized by one or more depressive episodes accompanied by at least one hypomanic episode. Hypomanic episodes have symptoms similar to manic episodes but are less severe, but must be clearly different from a person’s non-depressed mood. For some, hypomanic episodes are not severe enough to cause notable problems in social activities or work. However, for others, they can be troublesome.
Bipolar II disorder may be misdiagnosed as depression if you and your doctor don’t notice the signs of hypomania. In a recent DBSA survey, nearly seven out of ten people with bipolar disorder had been misdiagnosed at least once. Sixty percent of those people had been diagnosed with depression.
Hypomania Symptoms
You feel unusually confident
You need less sleep
You are unusually talkative
Your thoughts come and go faster than usual
You are more easily distracted or have trouble concentrating
You are more goal-directed at work, school or home
You are more involved in pleasurable or high-risk activities, such as spending or sex
You feel like you’re doing or saying things that are unlike your usual self
Other people say you’re acting strangely or you’re not yourself
Cyclothymic disorder is characterized by chronic fluctuating moods involving periods of hypomania and depression. The periods of both depressive and hypomanic symptoms are shorter, less severe, and do not occur with regularity as experienced with bipolar II or I. However, these mood swings can impair social interactions and work. Many, but not all, people with cyclothymia develop a more severe form of bipolar illness.
So - just because your husband has one form doesn't mean that if she developed it it would be as extreme - or she may develop depression or nothing at all - I mean so many people suffer from mental illness and worry about it passing on to their kids - and so many people develop it when neither parent has so it is hard to know.
You sound like a good woman - who will be an excellent, educated mom and wife. I wouldn't give up on him or the chances that your daughter will leave a normal life. Mental illness is not a death sentence - people need meds to live normally though just like any other illness and should not be punished for that or thought of as crazy, irresponsible, etc. He has been holding a job so that is good but #1 for him is medication. He has an extreme form - one that is the least common and most severe and he needs these meds so wait for them to work and if the one he is taking does not work - there are tons - get him into a good pyschiatrist - not just a family doctor. It would also be good for him to see someone regularly. If this makes him uncomfortable, then both of you can go together - this way he wouldn't feel awkward or picked on and you would also benefit from the knowledge and get to express your feelings and frustrations. Mental illness does not just affect that person as you well know - it makes it hard for the people that love them but that doesn't mean they don't deserve love or children. If you amrry him - that is for better or worse so it may not always be easy but it is not his fault that his mind works the way it does. He is not hopeless or a lost cause or anything else. He too deserves a wife and child and a beautiful life with happiness but he needs some help controlling these urges and that is ok.
I commend you for being such a strong woman - for sticking by him and for loving him enough to not run away and to have your fear of this comes second to your love for him. He will be ok - just find a med that works and she will be a beautiful little girl - just give her all of your love and protect her. Even if she were to develop some form of mental illness (just b/c has has bipolar does not mean she will get bipolar or anything but she could show signs of normal depression, etc)- even if she is still a beautiful child who can live a totally normal life - you will give her your genes too and she will see you as her mom - her example, her role model. It should not take that long for his meds to kick it for this so if they aren't working, change them right away. And make surrrreee he actually takes them - sometimes people with mental illness get sick of taking meds and just stop - do make sure he takes them. Stick by him, make him take meds and instead of worrying, be excited about this time in your life. It will be ok.
Other Answers:
according to recent studies your kids will be like 5 times as likely to suffer from same disorder so I would suggest he get help and YOU watch him he wont see when he is slipping YOU will
OMG this hits close to home! Definately give the meds a chance., It may take a few months- it will be hard but try, if you love him and want the marriage to work. It's not his fault; he can't help it. If the meds aren't working tell the doctor to try a different one. He should be in counseling at the same time. I know it's hard to be on this end but you CAn get through it! Please e-mail me and I can talk to you more about it if you want. I know A LOT about Bi-Polar!
If the meds work he should act pretty normal again. My dad has it too so I grew up in a house like yours. He'll have to go for regular doctors visits to check his mentality and lithium levels which SHOULD be the biggest inconvenience most times. What's good for you is that he's starting now; my dad didn't know he had it until I was 5-6 years old so life was hard and my poor mom put up with a lot... After he got help things got better. Also now the medicines aren't as harsh as the ones my dad started on which made him so groggy and out of it for years. Email me if you need to talk- I know how scary it can be!
It will affect your children if the two of you do not seek out counseling ASAP. Medication coupled with therapy will help alot. No matter what, always go to counseling if you can. Medication should not be the only answer. Plan everything, then it will be kinda hard for him to deviate from the plan if you two plan together. You two are going to have to start on the same page.
GOD BLESS
Keep up with the therapy for both of you and doctor's medical advise. Eat healthy foods. Bipolars are notorious for having cravings. Like sweets or starches. Ask your doctor about this, he can tell you. I would give you the sites online, but the last time I did that I was told by Yahoo that I was in violation. So,you are on your own on that one. But, I will tell you that caffeine and caffeine products are not good for bipolars. Also try to limit stress. Chances are good that with two of you as bipolar, you're children will be as well. Remember, healthy foods, exercise frustration out of your system with activity like biking and swimming and running, minimize stress and stick with your therapy and doctor's advise. IF you don't like your doctor's advise, get a new doctor. Not all doctors are perfect matches for their patients. I had to move to 6 different doctors and numberous therapists before I got the write therapist/psychiatrist combination for my son.
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