Should a Person That was Abused Confront Her Abuser?
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It sounds like you should try to stay away, as your mom is still in his life and will probably try to convince you one way or another to let it go, which you should not. If your mom wants to act like an immature teenybopper, that's her choice, but you don't have to let her make your decisions.
If she chooses to let him in her life after HE WENT TO JAIL BECAUSE HE PLEADED GUILTY, well, that sums up her feelings for you- she DOES NOT RESPECT NOR CARE ABOUT YOU.
So, try to get away. If you have family elsewhere, go stay with them until you can get on your own. If you can get on your own, do it. But DO NOT let this go because your mom can't grow up and realize she is being totally selfish. You don't have to do anything- you were abused, and it is now up to them to make any moves.
I would definitely go to the police and ask what you can do about the fact that your mom still wants him around and you are afraid of seeing him. I think she is breaking the law, but I don't know. I believe you can get a restraining order, with little or no cost, if you go to a county courthouse. Usually, you'll fill out some forms and see a judge. The judge will have you explain on record why you want it, and will grant a temporary one for a week or so, then you can make it permanent. This will prevent him from coming anywhere near you, and if he does, just pick up the phone and he'll be in jail.
You need to let them take responsibility for what they did and you need to let yourself go on. It wasn't your fault, and your mom's behaviour shows she isn't responsible enough to make good decisions about any of this, so don't worry about her opinion.
You must take care of yourself.
Other Answers:
Confront him with a gun and see what pans out
Confront him with another family member you trust and make sure you can defend yourself. If I were you, I'd file for a restraining order that will keep him as far away from you as you can until you can get out of there.
I would really go to a support group if possible..it will give you other perspectives from people in the same situation as yourself. Maybe then you can figure out what is best for you to do.
I'd say any option that ends with you dying inside is a bad one.
I would just ignore him. But if he confronts you, or your family. TYhen get in his face. But I'm pretty sure he will stay back. He was already in trouble with the law. thats pretty heavy duty. i wonder if you should ask a professional what to do so you don't do the wrong thing and make any mistakes. who knows what frame of mind that guy is in and what he is capable of. i dont think that i would want to confront him or ever see him but thats why you need to find out what a professional would suggest cause you want to do the right thing so nothing bad happens.
first off get a no contact order against him, then see if he has registered with offender registry in the town he is in, then let the law know you are scared of him, better you find a place where he can not get at you again .
i am sorry to here that the best thing you can do is afford him if i was you i wouldnt even say to to the dirty scum
You need to think deeply if this is going to do more harm to you than good. Do you think you're mentally strong enough to face your stepfather and take any comments, etc. that he throws at you if you were to run into him? He doesn't have to control you any more, but as long as you let him control you, you'll never be able to heal. If you think you'd break down when confronting him, or just running into him accidentally, you may want to consider moving to another town. This might be hard, but if it means getting on with your life and healing, it may be the best thing for you. Good luck. Wow, that's pretty messed up. First, since I'm a real nasty sucker when hurt, I would drop an anonymous line to the child welfare department where you are and let them know that a child predator is living with an underage child and that child might be in danger of sexual predation. That will keep your step'dad' looking over his shoulder once they pay that household a visit.
Next, I would get into therapy. Confrontation isn't for everyone. You need to figure out what will work best for you, either confrontation or releasing the past to the past.
Good luck and blessed be.
I think what happened to you is truly depressing but you shouldn't live in fear of him. That's actually exactly what he wants.
I think you should get a restraining order against him or if he tries to hurt you again,go to the police. Do not confront him you might find yourself in a compromising position where you can't escape from him
go with a friend and confront him. then leave town and never talk to him or your idiot mother again.
then you can put the past behind and move on.
Get a protection order. You don't even need a lawyer. If he comes within 100 yards of you (or something like that), call the police and he'll be arrested. Check the sex offenders list, and if he's not registered, call the police. During all this, be sure to say that you're afraid of him. Mention his pre-teen daughter; it sounds like she should not be in his house. Your mother is to blame also for not protecting you.
You may even be able to get the court to order him out of your town. There's NOTHING to be gained by confronting him. If he learns that you're not afraid to go to court and the police, that will put the fear of god in him.
sounds a little like you may have post traumatic stress. but you don't need to be afraid of running into him. He should know by now that you are not afraid to report him if he does anything to you again. If you do see him or "run into him" you don't necessarily have to talk to him at all. This may also help you conquer the fear you have of him, if he does talk to you just tell him straight up "I don't want anything to do with you, and I wish you would just stay out of my life."
perhaps your concern over confrontation should come second to your arranging to get the help and counseling needed to deal positively with the trauma. that will go the longer way in helping you to move on with your life in a healthier fashion. and, those sessions will give you the opportunity,as well, to find out how to best deal with him, now. good luck.
start taking some type of fighting class and get some confidence woman. don't tell him you learned something new if he tries to embrace you again and use that ace in the hole if he won't just talk but tries to harm you again. some women compete with their daughters over their boyfriends ( i don't know why) but they do it to say that they the best the guy ever had ( and won't take into mind they hurting their family). if you wanna be abused it's really your call cause you know what you want. whatever you decide to do keep in mind you should know what you want. My first thought was to get you to pay someone to kick the loving crap out him.
But maturity inhibits that. The questions should be.. Are you ready to confront him. It is clear that your family needs help.That would be first. Without knowing all the facts, I would say it shouldn't be hard to never speak to him again. move on with your life, you will do well,try hard to put it behind you, but learn how to deal with your thoughts and emotions.
I am a cold person I would write them all off and learn to make it on my own. good luck and God bless (if that doesn't offend)
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The best thing you can do for you is to get a good therapist and now that you are an adult and are in control of your life..STOP allowing yourself, yep allowing yourself to be abused. Let you mother know she is making a choice. You or your abuser. I know it will be a difficult decision to make but it's very necessary. You owe that much to yourself. Rid yourself of anybody and I do mean anybody in your life that chooses to associate themselves with your abuser can not be apart of your life. It's that simple. You have to love yourself enough to say you will not be abused anymore. As far as physically or verbally confronting your abuser, it's not necessary. If he did not own up to it in a court of law you are not going to get what you want from him in a confrontation. Let it go and love yourself. Hey, sorry for your problems, but go to your legislature and tell them about the stupid laws they have there and ask for protection. If they don't do anything go to the media and protest in front of the capitol and tell them they are to blame if something happens to you. Try to get help from other people in abused support groups in your area. Get even with your stepdad and the legislative idiots!
I need to congratulate you for having the courage to tell on him at the age of 14. Your mother is twisted, this man took advantage of you and she still wants to be with him!! I would kick him in the ***! HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU MOTHER BE! I think that your mother is sick too!! You will never know what it truly feels like to have your 'first time'. When someone has sex for the first time it should be a mutual things in which 2 people are madly in love with one another and they want to express their love in another way. I say that you should confront this man but take someone else with you (preferably a man). It will make you feel a lot better! Tell him exactly how you feel!
Oh my lordy! You should confront your father AND mother! What a total b*tch! No offence, but what kind of mother would think that of her child! And how can she love a man that abused you! You should leave your home! Do you have a relative? I live in a small town, too so I know how often you do run into people. Tell your mom how you feel! That is horrible! Tell a trusted adult your situation, like a teacher or a friend's parent, etc. You should leave your house! There are better things out there! You don't deserve to be treated like that! I feel so bad for you!
Good luck and God Bless! I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I think you should confront him in a SAFE environment with people that you TRUST and who can protect you. You need closure and this may be the way to get it. Good luck and you are a brave person.
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