So unhappy, so depressed, can anyone help?

Question:

Don't know if anyone can help, but maybe someone can.
I don't want to hear anyone say, "just go see a counselor" they r expensive & don't have that kind of $$$ right now. Trying to take care of 2 children & aging parent, & work 40-60 hr/wk. I've had clinical depression for many yrs, meds don't seem 2 help, its to the point would just rather be dead, but the only thing keeps me going is my kids. Used 2 believe in God, but seriously question it now, after all painful experiences I had in my life I've come to adopt the philosophy that life is random & time & chance happens to everyone; there is no "Greater Design". I'm well educated and have no use for some dipsh** philosophy. Tired of struggling. Maybe I shouldn't be broadcasting these kinds of personal thoughts on a public forum like this but hell ya know, I think I just don't give a f*** anymore. Go ahead, I'm willing to put up with a few rude f***ing a** comments in the hopes that there will be 1 or 2 worthwhile comments. Bye.

Answers:
Cognitively,

I know depression; know it intimately so I hope you'll listen up and read my entire answer before judging it. You are still reaching out to the universe for help so there is a great deal of hope but you are in danger--even if that danger consists only of feeling the way you feel for another day.

You have clinical depression and you are under an extreme amount of stress. The burden you are carrying would be a challenge for anyone, for someone in your circumstances it is down-right ludicrous. This is coming from someone who manages clinical depression and also has two children and many other stressors. This is coming from someone who has a number of "statistics" in her family and has been close enough to the edge herself to know how to avoid it in future.

I am still very suseptible to pain and stress but I am also suseptible to joy and serenity. There is none of this in your life right now and you need it to balance the hardships. Listed below are the steps to take to agian find that place called 'happiness'.

Step one: Get over the idea that you do not need medication (at least temporarily) The stage of depression you're experiencing goes beyond external circumstances. The chemicals in your brain are now unbalanced. This is something that can be viewed in autopsys of depressed people as well as computer imaging with live subjects. You need immediate chemical intervention. Once you are in a balanced state of mind you will be in the position to look at your life as a whole and see where improvements can be made and where joy can be embraced.

Step two: Get over the idea that you don't have the money or time for therapy. Not only does every town offer some sort of counseling on a sliding scale but even if they didn't, YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT RIGHT NOW AND IT'S WORTH WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

Step three: Get over the idea that it is selfish for you to take the time and money to nurture yourself. It is not a luxury: it is an absolute necessity. Put yourself first and you will be in a better position to care for those who depend on you. You will also be in a more resourceful state of mind, That, combined with your intelligence, will lead to many ideas on how to lighten your load and incorporate some fun in your life.

The state of mind you describe is a living death, only less peaceful, thanks to the almost unmanagable ragethat goes with it. What counseling and medication offers you is not an escape from pain. What they offer you is the chance to feel ALIVE again and from this state anything is possible!

I urge you not to listen to the "pick- yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps" people. They mean well but do not know clinical depression. Those who would advocate natural remedies also mean well but do not understand clinical depression. The lifestyle changes that they suggest are quite valuable once you are on your feet again but are not enough, at least at this stage, in and of themselves.

Depression, because it is a MENTAL illness, is greatly stigmatized, but it is no different than any other illness. I'm sure you would agree, It is a fool who does not seek treatment when dangerously ill.

You know the old addage about leading a horse to water. I can't make the choice for you but if there is anything else I can do please e-mail directly.

Other Answers:
if you need help you need professional help, you shouldn't be asking a bunch of people who roam the internet to answer questions. Honestly!

Eat some chocolate and write in a journal. Yum yum. Have fun. Do you really want to leave your children? Think of that everytime you think you would rather be dead.

wow.. sounds like you have alot on your shoulders. maybe getting out with some friends to do fun stuff might help take your mind off things..

I know that you don't want to hear it babe, but you need some sort of help. I won't say that I understand your problems cause I don't know u but I do feel for you. Remember, you've got friends and family, see if they can help in anyway. God is with you now and forever, He's with you right now, carrying you (read footprints). God bless you and please get some sort of help.

It sounds like you are burnt out. It's tiring taking care of so much and having so many people depend on you. When is the last time you did something nice for yourself? Do you take time for yourself every day even if it's twenty minutes? Are you eating healthy diet? Going for walks just to have some "down time"? There is a book by Dr. Domar title "Self-Nuture: How to take care of yourself as effectively as you care for others." It might be helpful for you to find that spark again. All the best to you. i wish I had two kids. must be nice.

Honestly, you should see a doctor if you can get financial aid. The only other words of help I have is "Praise is the weapon of his people." I know this sounds crazy but it does work, especially during those time that are the worst. I hope the best for you. Good Luck and I will remember you in my prayers. I think you should take jd's advice too. Another thing, I once read "that which you focus on will increase." SO if you focus on mental health you most likely will get better, there are lot of mental health books! I recommend you read some of them.Best wishes!

chill till the next episode.as you have seen time changes everything this to well pass.take responsibility for your chooses and forget the blame game .it ant the kids it ant the aging people and it ant depression it is your lack of deciding you are doing things because you choose to

Surround yourself with only those that have positive energy. do not allow anyone to "*****" unless they have a solution. DEMAND that everyone you know treat you with respect, and remember that as long as there is tomorrow, things are never as bad as they seem.

Find someone online or in person that doesn't mind being a sounding board. You don't need a shrink.

Let me ask you a question? Have you watched The Passion of Christ or any movies of Jesus? Well, then no need for you to give up on Him. See, I'm not here to judge, but to tell the truth. See, He was a Jew and came to life as man to try to save His children..us. We turned our backs on Him and kille him. We nailed him, spit in his face, Beat him not with just a switch, but a razored, knifed one, We pushed him made him carry a big log and then killed him cold-blooded, and he still found it in his heart to forgive us and save us. Think about it, sweetie. Who are we? We're a nobody and a nothing. Don't give up on him because sometimes he let things happen to us for a certain time just to test our faith and patience. Do it for the kids. Trust in him for a life that will never end and you'll see the difference. Don't give up because He hasn't given up on you. GOd bless. Life can be tough, I know. I've 52, and have had times you are discribing in my past. There were times I had felt like ending it all, but then, I thought of my kids. What would they do without me? Who would there be to care for them properly? I made it through, and now things are better, not perfect, but better. Hang in there, find a friend to talk with, find some time to get away from the problems. You need to take care of yourself. Life is an open book. You sound intelligent, and I'm sure you've read many a book in your time. Isn't it annoying if you are almost through with the book and you lose it before you get to the end? Life is like that. Finish this book called Life, and you'll see that there will be more good time then bad. Call someone who can take care of the kids and your parents and take a weekend off. Do something that makes you feel good again. And remember, you are loved and needed.

Listen to me. This may sound stupid and pointless but just do it. Do it for yourself and for your kids! Make a list. Of everyhting in your life that you enjoy. Anything you enjoy, like family, or taking walks, or playing with animals, or reading stories. ANYTHING you like to do. Then make and effort of makeing those things a bigger part of your life!

please seek help

You have a pile of responsibility on your shoulders. All that alone is enough to cause depression on a massive level. But on top of all the responsibilities you have, you also have battling depression for a long time. You know as well as I do that you need someone who specializes in pharmaceudials and counseling. Please check with your local health agencies to see if there are any programs there for people who need financial aid. I have an ongoing problem with depression myself and I have sought help with a local church who had a program based on income. I got to talk to a professional counsler. They're out there. You just have to ask around.
Now, how old are your kids? Are they old enough to help out in a big way? Helping with your parent, keeping the house clean and fixing meals. The stuff that kills a mom (you are a mom and not a dad right?) when she's trying to work 40 or 50 hours a week and then she has to come home and feed everyone and clean and all that. And what about your aging parent. Can she or he help? Any little way makes a difference.
Try and keep your faith in the Lord. He, I believe, is indeed there even though you can't see Him right now. Pray just by talking to Him. Talk to Him as though He's standing right in front of you. Tell Him all of your problems, your thoughts, your concerns, your feelings. Talk to Him. It does help.
Now a really big suggestion. You HAVE to take time out for yourself. Even if it's just a walk in the park or around the neighborhood. If your kids need a babysitter, then maybe your parent can help you there. If your parent needs a babysitter then maybe your kids can help if they're old enough. But you have to to for yourself. Go exercise at the gym. Get those endorphines going. Cut out the sugar and caffine from your diet. That makes a huge difference in mental health.
There are people out here who care about you and a lot of us can relate to you. My e-mail address is khbutler2004@yahoo.com. E-mail me if you need to talk. Talking is a good thing. Good luck sweetie.
Kelly

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So unhappy, so depressed, can anyone help?

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