What is wrong with me? I cant stop crying...?
Question:
Alot of other stuff happened, and it has affected me.
I have no self esteem, i just hate myself and how weak i am.
My old doctors gave me 70mg i think it was, of efexor.
This was the most effective drug i was on.
Now i have a new doctor. I recently tried to kill myself, i self harm and i am literally a mass of scars. I burst out crying at the most inappropriate times and i cant explain why. One second i can be laughing, i feel hyper, i feel happy, then without warning i want to die & i can be harming myself.
My new doctors think i'm not depressed, as i 'seemed happym enough' when i went in. I'm not happy with this diagnosis, i wish i could put a name to what i have, ykno?
She has put me on 10mg of tabelts i cant remember the name but they are doing NOTHING.
I dont know what to do...
Answers:
read some of your answers and the one who told you rudely to stop winging, well my dear this idiot don't know what it is to be depressed, I am a 50 year old disabled man and I can wholeheartedly sympathise with you, I know what you are going through as I lost my Nan back in 1989 and I got so down, I never cried once, beleive me love if you don't get help now then you won't have to try and kill yourself as when my depression started in 1989 it caused all sorts of problems, high blood pressure 260/160 and higher, I ended up having a stroke ( brain haemorrhage, if it wasn't for my wife , I would have died, she saved my life. After that I suffered 16 mini strokes, diabetes plus a whole load of probs, at present I am stuck on a kidney machine 3 times a week for at least 4 and a half hours, if I don't I could be dead within a month. It's thinking about my wife and kids that keep me sane, I do have my bad days. So come on love pull yourself together, I know it is hard, have a will to live, focus on those you love and who love you and that might just help. There are some lovely guys out there you have just got to find one, not all guys are bad, I am a big softy I love my wife dearly and we celebrated 20 glorious years together as husband and wife. I am Scottish and she is a London lass we live in Essex England with our 2 sons and little poodle Benji who I bought for the wife 7 months after she saved my life in 1994, I taught him to talk he says Mum Mum but the little bugger won't say Dad Dad.. I thought I would put this in to make you laugh. Try and talk to those who you love and trust and you may seek help from them.
I have more worries over on top of what I have, I hope to start home dialysis sometime next year but the disabled facility grant is only £25,000 top and as I cannot get upstairs plus I have a line in my neck as a second lifeline for dialysis I also have had a fistula made on my left wrist. I haven't had a bath or shower in over 4 years due to the kneckline and the stairs, so my OT has put me in for my home to be adapted, meaning a downstairs bedroom and walk in shower as where I am sleeping just now could be dangerous as the room is directly in front of my gas boiler. The situation I am in is this, my building costs alone costing around £50,000 and that is only building, I have to find the other £25,000 that the grant wont cover. also I need the room to be decorated and hygenic flooring put down, on top of that I need the front room done after the building work has been completed along with the hallway and front room flooring. My carpet was ruined a few years ago by builders, plus my downstairs toilet ceilling has to be changed for the fourth time in 4 years as the walk in shower I had done 5 or so years ago was bodged in places hence water ruined my ceilling 3 times. On top of all that my extention flat roof was damaged by the window cleaners and when the rain came hard it poured in,I had the firebrigade out three times in a week. At present My sons put up 2 new tarpaulins for me which has held it back soi far, but this is the room I am sleeping in and it honks of dampness. If I cannot raise at least the £25,000 ,then I am in a right pickle as I have a badly leaking roof which if I don't get my grant work done I will have to find the money myself, on top of that if I have to cancell the work or it gets cancelled then I will have to pay surveyors and planners costs and heaven knows what else and\ that is going to be at least £3,000 and that is before I get my flat roofing repaired. So the reason I told you all this is because even though you think you have problems, there is always someone else having big probs as well, but I will have to beg steal or borrow to get by but I am not pulling myself down over all this.
I am not trying to make you feel bad love, but when things get bad as long as you have those who you love and they love you by your side then that alone is better than all the medication in the world.
Now I hope you appreciate me for writing such a long letter to show you that no matter what life throws at you, you just get back up. I have sat up till 3am writing this for you, even though I am washed out after having my dialysis. That's the type of guy I am, I mjay have only 10 or maybee more years to live but I still have time for people in distress or in need.
Good luck and God bless you love, and don't do anything daft, if you feel you are then talk to someone quick, don't leave it.
Oh by the way, if you know of any lottery winners or millionairs who could help me getting my life back so that I can have my kidney machine at home, as I have a 60 mile round trip 3 times a week and away for up to 9 / 10 hours sometimes more.
Cheer up girl Bubbles Jimmy LOL xx
sad
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