Need some advice if you've dealt with depression?
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As someone who's battled depression all I can tell you is 1. don't take it personally, and 2. don't put your life on hold waiting for them to change. Until I got myself on medication and into therapy it didn't matter how many people told me they loved me or wanted to help me. Their love made me feel guilty for not being able to reciprocate.
A healthy relationship has equal balance of give and take... and it doesn't sound like he has much to give right now. One sided relationships lead to resentment. If you want to remain friends I'd walk away now, but let him know you'll be around if he needs help.
If you have depression and someone is not working with you towards a solution, take care of yourself first and foremost. You have the rest of your life to live and you need to ensure that you are in a good frame of mind to do it. If someone is nuable or unwilling to continue contact with you, so be it. Take the person at their word. No need to shut the door, but definately stop standing by the window hoping he pulls up! You've got other things to focus on in your life.
...omg...a band?...aight...he definitley has alot going on...and it ain't depression.You need a relationship and he needs a rest.goodluck.
I've dealt with depression for many years. It has taken a long time to work through it. It's hard to identify the cause whether it is something that is really going wrong in his life of that he has some type of natural chemical imbalance. Either way, your friend will drown himself in what he loves most and that's probably his music. Your support will help but if he seems irritated when you two communicate, you may not be on his top ten list even if you did nothing wrong meaning that in his own mind you may seem more of a nuisance than a helper. At this point, since he has not excepted your help, I would leave him and his band to get him through it.
I could be wrong, but there is the possibility that he used that as an excuse to leave the relationship. Good luck!
You can offer your support, but you can't center your life around him. I was in a relationship where he suffered from bipolarism. It was a hellish roller coaster that ended very badly.
I made the mistake of dropping everything in order to fully support and care for him. This was in a point in my life where I was having a hard time just taking care of myself. When you dedicate so much time into one person, and that person doesn't respond or appreciate it, then it is hard to not take it personally.
You want to understand that it's their depression and they can't help what they're feeling, but at the same time you begin to feel resentful that you're putting so much effort without seeing a "result". Not to mention that if he is on medication, and if the doctor decides to try something new, you will have to adjust to the side effects and mood swings. If he meddles with illegal drugs, then his depression will be a hundred times more complex and frustrating.
Just know that being with someone with clinical depression is a long and difficult path.
This guy has tried to tell you as best he can that he is not interested in having a relationship with you at this time. Let him go and go on with your life. You have a lot to offer someone else who can give you the love and attention you need and deserve. Don't be a martyr for any man. Stop trying to "save" him. Band members end up doing a lot of socializing late at night and they get a lot of attention from strangers. Maybe he doesn't want to give that up. I wish you good luck!
I'm dealing with depression myself... it's very difficult to get past the whole, "I'm not worth it, I want to go away, I want everyone to go away, I can't deal with this" feeling.
I'm not sure of your age, but I'm 32 and married and it hasn't been easy for either one of us.
It's sad to say, but I've tried pushing him away but at the same time afraid that he will. Through all this he refuses to be pushed away. He won't leave me, even if I told him to. He stays there by my side and even though I may feel upset at first... I have to say I'm truly greatful he has stayed.
If you are certain that he is pushing you away because of his own feelings of inadequacies and not because of you, then I would say stick with him no matter what... of course only if that's what you want. It's not an easy road, it's best if you think a lot about this before hand.
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