If you were Borderline..?
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I'm not sure what you mean by "looks after you". Are you financially dependent on your partner? If so, that complicates your ability to make the best choices. As far as being "the only person you could trust", you might be surprised to learn that there are loads of people you can trust. However, your ability to know who to trust and who not to trust is effected by your mental health so take care of yourself (and do what that means for you - seeing a therapist, taking your meds. etc.).
Some time ago I decided didn't want what I call "toxic" people in my life. For me, toxic people are negative, angry, unhappy and selfish. Because my mood is influenced by those around me, I exclude toxic people from my life.
There is a saying for an old eastern religion - I like who I am when I am with you.
i would go see and shrink for a diagnosis.
you need to do whats best for you. obviously in that type of relationship, you do not thrive, while your partner does. think about what you truly need out of someone, does that person have what it takes to make you happy?
I would take all of the help I can get. If you are really a Borderline, it is the hardest Mental Diease state to treat.
But if the person is making you worse, you need to be supported with positive, happy people. If they cannot do that, well time to find some new friends.
Try talking with them and tell them how they make you feel. Therapy for Borderlines is a must and it should be done for most of your life.
I would think that I could do better than the situation I was in and take a risk to move on with my life despite the possibility that I might struggle for a time.
Part of Borderline Personality Disorder is a child-like dependence on a stronger adult figure. This does not make for a workable "partner" relationship long-term. Your therapist should fulfill this role. The book " I hate you, don't leave me" addresses this conflict, a love-hate relationship. Be conscious of your feelings and reactions to your partner for these reasons. Is it your partner that "sees everything in bad light"? or is it you?
I am Borderline.
I tend to avoid intimate relationships whereas my Borderline sister tends to have many superficial ones.
I know that for me personally I need to be in a relationship with someone who is naturally more stable and has a more even keeled temperment. Being around someone who paints thing in a bad light would stress me out more and cause more problems for me.
The question to ask and maybe if you have some close friends would be does this person really help me and look after me, or am I depending on them to do things for me that I am really able to do.
How do you good friends view the relationship or perhaps your therapist? Is he helping you or do the two of you just feed off of each other and enable each other?
He may be a wondeful person, but he may not be the wonderful person for you. Eventually as a Borderline we all want to get to the point where we have more control over our emotions. That's my hugest struggle now and geez is it a pain in the ***.
I would say make sure you are the person you want to be and then figure out what you want in a relationship.
Just my two cents.
I would go to couples therapy, and if he does not want to go you still should, you need someone to talk to especially if he gets you that depressed ,all you have to do is look in your phone books yellow pages, look under mental health clinic or family therapy, may be you and your partner need medication for depression. I go and am on medication, it helps me.
Good luck!
Thinking separate counselling might help as he seems to have problems of his own.
Or even going on a counselling course as thisoften kick starts a capacity tolook at self and isnt so immediately threatening to people who 'care'. he might also go to a carers group.
Do you go to a Service Users group in your area for support? or see a Peer Advocate? These might be options for a bit more support away from your partner so that you arent so dependednt in one area. These types of support are more about empowerment.
Also would give you soemthing to talk about.
The truth??? Very little hope for a cure. The problem can be reduced from time to time but this is a disease that is a very difficult problem. My son has BPD and he has been working on a cure for 30 years. Over fifteen psychiatrists, psychologists, hospital stays, shock treatments, name it, he had it. At this time he is in a down mood and hasn't been even remotely happy for many months. I am still hoping but I cannot fool myself into thinking that he will ever be cured. Are you the type of person who can handle this type of situation for a long period of time? If so, then stay and help him/her. It will be very tough.
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