Horribly insecure about my appearance, advice please?
Question:
Instead of trying to compete with them, I just want to feel better about myself. How do I do this?
Answers:
Tell your husband how hot the guys are that are in his porn. Watch with him, ask him why he can't do some of those things.
start with the confidence.
Consider short-term counseling to work on your self-esteem.
Reading material to consider:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
Tell yourself daily, in the mirror, out loud, looking yourself in the eyes 'I am beautiful.' Say it at least 7 times a day.
Realize that he married you. That attraction is in the eye of the beholder. And, that other things, like confidence make you attractive as well.
And, if you look at some famous examples. The most attractive girl doesn't always win. Realize that it's the bond the two of you have that's important.
Also, remember that maybe these hot girls might not give your hubby the time of day.
No matter how good looking you are, guys are going to look at other women. It's in their nature to want to sow their seed in as many fields as possible. Even though they might not consciously want to do that, that is what their sub-conscious is saying and that directly affects their actions, and their eyes lol. The vast majority of guys watch porn anyway, so you can at lest take solace in the fact that he's normal. I honestly think I would be more concerned if my guy DIDN'T ever watch porn.
Try to think of it as company softball versus major league baseball. Playing softball is the more fun out of the two, but that doesn't mean you can't also enjoy watching the pros play.
Exercise. Take luxurious bubble baths. Take an extra minute with your eye makeup. But new cloths. Shoes always make me feel like a goddess.
First of all why is he looking at porn ewe, Anyway start buying cute sexy things to wear around the house just for the hell of it! Do make overs and hang around successful women that feel good and confident and start feeling good about you! What you don't master will master you. Now pull together girlfriend! And realize your are hot stuff and that's written!!
Smooches
WonderWoman
Many women wouldn't put up with a guy who looks at porn on the internet. It's possible that his behavior is bringing out your feelings of insecurity. Were you insecure before or did this start after you were married? Does your husband take the time to let you know that he finds you attractive? Some people don't realize the importance of doing this once they have caught the guy/girl. Let your husband know that he still needs to romance you even though you two are married.
It's possible that he is getting too involved in the fantasy world that he is loosing interest in you. Or maybe he still loves you lots but is taking you for granted. Only you can tell.
Don't base your worth on whether your mate finds you attractive because if they ever leave you then you will be devastated. Realize that you are a unique creation of God and that nobody can take your place in God's heart.
Don't try to compete with other women. There will always be prettier women, especially as you get older. Inner beauty is what counts; a good man knows that. Find interesting things to do. Spend time with friends. By being a strong, happy person you will become a people magnet. Then your husband will begin to take notice.
I feel the same way and every night I lay in bed and think about that, then I think of my family and my friends and all the people I love who love me back and how they consider me beautiful and not in the way most people would, kind of like unique, and the guy I like thinks the same thing, (don't ask me why we aren't going out yet. i have no clue, plus he lives far away.) and how all the people always say, "I would die for your color hair, its so beautiful," and how they say "Wow, you have amazing eyes," and "Wow, that dress looks lovely on you!" So now every time I feel down I always move to the bright side of the road. Plus a lot of people keep an eye on me to say don't let anyone call you a firery red-head because you are a sweet girl. I also think of how different I look then anyone else, I am not really thin, but I am not anything like fat, and I have red-hair and my eyes are usually blue-green but they change colors all the time, and how I have a different kind of style, and how i don't try to fit in, and how many wonderful friends I have. A lot of people try to get me down but they can't, and its because I am confident of who I am.
You may be the one who thinks she has a problem, but your husband is the one who really has the problem.
He needs to get help getting off of his obsession with porn.
You need to pamper yourself a little, not for him, but for you. Do something you like. Buy yourself something you like. And, most of all, be yourself. You are the healthy one in this relationship.
Your husband needs to get help, too. Do you have a relationship with a Higher Power, or God? Try praying for your husband. The 12-step programs are for addicts, but there are also some for those involved in relationships with addicts. It sounds like your husband is addicted to porn. Try going to a 12-step program in your area and learn more about the disease of addiction. Work the 12 steps yourself. Alanon is for people that are involved in relationships with addicts.
talk to him about whats bothering you your married to him so your life partners if you cant talk and work things out then whats the point of being married i think .
there's nothing wrong with you, it's him. don't even think he's not attracted to you, who was it that married you? him. so don't ever let him bring you down. please sister you think those pretty pretty girls are better than you? they're 70% plastic. they're not even comfortable in their own skin thats why they expose themselves. you're better than them and thats all you need to know. =]]]
ok first of all those girls are all messed up on drugs ..most dont know what is happening to them and when they do .. they use the cash to get more plastic ... u are a real woman and if your man cant appreciate that then u need to remind him.. if he is addicted to porn then he needs help .. I was also in your spot i felt very insecure so I went out to a bar with a few girlfriends .. many men tried to pick me up .. the only thing getting picked up that night was my self esteem . I felt better about myself and when someone told my hubby about this he started to pay more atttention to me .. i guess he figured if he didnt want me .. someone else sure as heck would . so i guess my point is .. making him jealous once in a while doesnt hurt..lol good luck
I know just what you mean... I'm a young women, mother of two and my husband has made me feel extremely bad about my apperence. Not by saying so because he tells me he loves me all the time. However when I wasn't around he would look at celeb. girl pics and yes I've caught him with porn too! It tore me apart to the point I was going to leave him because I felt if he could look at another women it must mean he doesn't 100% want me. And well to be honest I don't know the answer, I just know I needed to make ME feel good so I found something that made me feel good. I put my 20 month old in a stroller, put my headphones on with my fav. CD's and I started walking. It made me feel so alive! I had more energy and I was just HAPPY :)
Find something for yourself and soon enough you just won't care what he does and you'll feel so confident he may see that and pay more attention to you. I know my husband does now. And on the plus side I've lost over 10 pounds!
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