What makes a man verbally abusive and does he know he's doing it? I just can't understand this disorder.
Question:
Answers:
It is stupidity they haven't a clue as to how to treat a Lady and should be kept away from women as they don't deserve to be in their presence. Think about who you are you are kind and he shouldn't say things that hurt you. I also think it is a bad habit and it will be about as difficult to change as it would be to change his mind to think it is wrong.
Men aren't verbally or physically abusive. Certain stupid cunts have to aggravate and push buttons until they get what they deserve.
(see answer below mine)
Insecurity, probably driven by his very own mother, is what makes a man like this.
Most men won't change because they don't know that it's a problem.
(see answer above mine)
He can only change, if he wants to change. I hope that you are in a relationship, with a man that is verbally abusive, if you are I wish you would get out of it. Verbal abuse, could lead to physical abuse, I would not stick around to see it escalate.
Not all abusers are disordered in a technically diagnosable sense, as ironic as that sounds. Some are just garden variety misogynisitc jerks. The politically correct answer is that "anyone can change with enough support and therapy". The real answer is that they seldom change. Once an abuser, always an abuser.
Verbally abusing others gives them a sense of power they lack in other areas of their lives. They feel the need to pull others down because they feel just that horribly about themselves. They are cowards who choose victims they are relatively sure won't fight back.
The bottom line, sadly, this sort of pathology is deep seated, and rarely responds to even the most intensive forms of treatment.
A small ego. He won't change without couseling and he probably won't go to counseling because he doesn't see himself as the problem - its everyone else! Does he drink? If so, that's a major problem. Also, verbal abuse almost always leads to physical abuse. My suggestion - get him to agree to counseling or leave him ... while you can ... before you get physically injured. Take care. Phil.
The past shapes the future. If you want to change it, don't put up with it. We're not here to cure arseholes. Life is just too short.
Most of the time it comes from the past. Meaning, childhood. Most men who are verbally abusive grew up in a household where that was a regular activity. Most of the time they dont realize the things they say are hurtful. I know it doesnt make any sense, but I have had ALOT of personal experience with this and although calling someone you love a "brain dead b****" is hurtful to some people , alot of men dont understand how its hurtful and even when you cry and cry and plead for them to stop they just dont. Although I do believe if they truly love you, they can TRY to stop. But its a matter of catching themselves before they do it.
My husband is alot better, but he still has his moments. It took alot for him to understand how words can hurt me so deeply. My stepdad was so verbally abusive to me, that it still stings me to this day. Now, he kind of understands it.
His verbal abuse is a problem to you, not to him. He, likely will not be interested in change. It is very likely that this is the behavior he has lived with at home. You should be very cautious this behavior can very quickly and for no reason change to physical abuse. The responsibility is his, if he wants to look for help for himself then by all means see that he gets to a place where he can be helped. It is best for you to stay away until he gets better.
Women that put up with this behavior enables a man to continue doing it.
The mind set of "Oh I can CHANGE him"...DOES NOT WORK.
If he is verbally abusive he is most likely emotionally immature and you enabling his behavior by taking it,is not going to change a damn thing.
My brother (God rest his soul) was very abusive toward his many girlfriends and two ex-wives.
His explanation to me was that all women deserve to be treated this way because they are snakes that can't be trusted.
The causes of a man treating women in this way can only be figured out in therapy because there are many different causes.
But YOU have to figure out why YOU allow YOURSELF to be treated in a bad way.
Fix yourself before you even try to fix him.
And for Michelle up there..."Once an abuser always an abuser" is not true..some of us have seen the light!
guys dont think like ladies. As long as they're happy that's all dat matters to them!!
generally those who give it have been given it
check his family history
Unfortunately abusiveness isn't actually a disorder. He may have been abused in the past, he may have witnessed abuse between his parents/grandparents. It may just be as simple as he doesn't respect you. Whatever the reason, its only your problem as long as you put up with it. No one has the right to be abusive towards another being.
If you want to help, he needs to acknowledge that there is a problem - this can be difficult because that may also mean acknowledging that his parents had a problem (and when you are raised in a certain environment, you think that this is "normal" behavior). If he admits there is a problem, then get some professional help. He may need therapy to work through issues from his past.
Whatever the reason, it is never the woman's fault.
Let me give you an example
My grandmother was violent, my aunts and my mother are violent, and as my mother's children my sister's and I have a predisposition toward violence.
My mother was abusive to her children, which gives my sisters and I a stastistically increaced percentage or chance of abusing our children.
However people always have control over themselves. In some cases it is way harder than others, and you have to work harder, like alcoholic's, addicts, people with bad tempers.but your behavior is your choice.
My mother grew up in an environment and possibly with some genetics which coutributed to her being an abusive parent. But everytime she did something to hurt her children it was her choice. She had to decide to act on those feelings.
My point. A verbally abusive man, many have grown up in an abusive environment. He might have had a bad mother, father or relative. Some who come out of this environment become abusive, some do not. Either way if this is someone you know, they are making a choice, concious, or unconcious to be verbally abusive.
Finding the root won't solve the problem unless the person wants to get better. Trust me. He will change only when and if he chooses. You cannot make him and it is not in your best interest to stick around and be a sounding board for this abuse.
as with any form of abuse the abuser is fully aware of what he is doing. abusers have to have control over a situation or thier partner. they are weak and if they see thier partner getting one up on him they will use other forms of abuse to gain better control. a very few of abusers know what they do is wrong and feel bad . usually the abuser comes from a family where abuse has occured. thier father or mother has tried to controlled the other one, they display a temper followed by mental or emotional abuse. a lot of them dont use physical abuse but there are the ones that do use hitting and restraining thier partner as a form of control. 95% of abusers do not change, it only gets worse and even if thier partner leaves the abuser will try to win them back with love and affection or move on to abuse someone else.
b/c they are punk *** *****'s i wish a man tryed to verbally abusive me my ex did that and i broke up with him he kept calling me a ***** and useless whore i dont like people to raise there voice @ me @ all i hate that i think they do know what they are doing and no one should talk to anyone that way man or women i just dont put up with it and when i have kids am going to teach them the same thing to not let anyone talk to u like **** and make u feel that way when ur not by the way am 16 and am teaching by brother that just leave if anyone does that 2 u b/c they really dont love u if they do
well i was in an abusive relationship for two years they dont change..i put him in jail..now he is with another girl ..so i will never know if he learned his lesson..
More Questions & Answers...