Should I deal with my loved one's extreme social anxiety disorder or let him go?
Question:
Last night he broke up with me, saying that he's been trying so long but he can't help but becoming so anxious every time he sees me. He said he's tried long enough and can't do it anymore. He was crying so much, it was almost unbearable to see him like that. It's clear that this is hurting him and he doesn't want this to control his life. I tried to explain to him that this doesn't have to run his life, but he says he can't work it out right now.
He wants us to remain talking, and I'm trying for him-even if it is heart-wrenching for me. He is only anxious when we see each other in person; he's just fine through texts, emails, and IM sessions.
He doesn't have health insurance and can't afford a doctor. Should I stay or let him do this on his own?
Answers:
If you really love this person you will stick with him, learn all you can about the disorder, and encourage him to seek appropriate treatment. Zoloft worked wonders on my social anxiety disorder
This one is complicated only because it sounds as if you really do care. However, haning on to something that can really never be tangible is what we call a dream and you should never let go of those(blame my dreamy nature). You should try and hold on and get him some sort of help or FREE counseling whether its a school or somekind of health center.
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By all means help him. Be there for him, support him.
See if there is any help in your area for indigent care, that way he can see a physician and get on some great medications to take away his anxiety.
Look up anxiety and panic attacks on the web, and see what they recommend for YOU to do to help him.
I've read like 40 psychology books because of this same thing -- it's always the same answer ----- Him and I can IM sometime ---- I'll give him the formula for change -- takes time and will power ------ It worked for me!!!!!! Seriously -- I use to be pretty bad too =---- so did my mom but she is fine too -- crazy, huh?
Sorry to say sister, but you need to let him go
he can be someone elses headcase
Say Goodbye.
He needs more help than you can give him.
What kind of relationship would you have anyways?
Would you be content to spend the rest of your life ALONE with ONLY him, listening to his troubles and his fears and his imaginary worries, and have no social life other than what HE is "comfortable" with?
It will always be about HIM and never you.
Move on.
Anxiety can be a socially crushing disorder. There are several medications he can take for it, buspirone is a prescribed medication that helped me. Also it could be a lack of vitamin B, supplements or plenty of fruits could help. Also another herb known as kava root may be able to help. Meditation and less stress can help to relieve anxiety. Some drugs and environmental stresses can increase anxiety. Talking with him can help if you feel the relationship is worth it then tell him that know matter what's on his mind your relationship can't get worse than what it going to. Tell him to just let it all go.
He needs to be on medications to help him live a normal life. You can help him by calling your local mental health department and find out what resources are available to help. He needs help or he will never have a normal life. Please help him, weather you stay with him or not, he is unable to help him self. This could impact his ability to keep a job even.
Only you can honestly answer this one.
Do you feel that this is what you deserve?
Would you elope with him tonight if he asked you to?
you need to let him go! believe me, He will come back begging you back! people with health problems always have that attitude..its because they know that you love them and would do anything for them. so just give him some time. before you know it he will realize that he needs you and come begging you back!
Encourage him to go to a free clinic. Look in the phone book and start calling to find agencies that will direct you to resources that will help.
Paxil is an anti-depressant and excellent for social anxiety disorder in adulta over 18. Other anti-depressants are available, also, and each person will respond better to one than to others (in controlling the social anxiety).
After he gets help, then you will be able to "reach" more of his personality because he won't have so much social anxiety that it will keep him from living his life. Then decide whether you will go or stay.
If he won't help himself, or refuses to try a treatment, I would walk away...fast.
There are free clinics all over the place if he desired to get help for his condition.
Social anxiety is horrible and quite debilitating. I have a mild case, and it can be crippling at times, so if he's severe then my heart goes out to him.
This is a disabling condition, that is probably hampering his career as well as his social life. So he needs to get help right away.
Research clinics for him and make an appointment to take him there. Don't make him feel bad, just express your concern to help with no strings attached, as a friend only.
He can't be in a relationship with you until he's able to get his condition under control. It's not fair for either of you.
speaking from my own experience,I have sever genralized anixety,ocd insomnia a bunch of stuff.i was born with it i have a long story but please read.i have been with my b/f for 5 yrs lived with him that long also.im 21 hes 23.im actully lucky to have a b/f like him to put up with my panic attacks and my aniexty i skip his family functions like christmas and other bday partys becuase of my aniexiety its very hard for someone with this issue to go and enjoy things like this becuase u feel like u r going nuts.i have told my b/f plenty times i dont want to be together its not him i cant explain it but its my feeling because its hell to live with someone that cant function like a regular human.its emotional hurtful for myself and for my b/f.i wish i could explain this to u in person its hard to type out my feelings.i understand what u r going through.its does run ur life.u should stick in there with him.if you cant thats ur descion,but if u love him u should try to work it out.its very stressful to have aniexty especially when u canot control it.i drink alot to control mine i know its bad but i tell u for myself if i didnt drink i would have killed my self already because its so overwheming.i isolate myself from family and friends and im lucky to have them they understand it took a while but they learned.i would study about it and stick in there with ur b/f.he needs u alot for support.no one wants aniexty to control their life but thats how it is.their r meds to take for it. i just started takin paxil i guess im better than i was b4 im slowly uping my dosage i hate taking drugs but i had to get some kinda help.well good luck to you i have been just babbeling on.i kinda forgot what i was going to tell u when i first seen ur question,lol.good luck and hang in there its a roller coster.research free health care for him its out there u just have to look hard.
OMG whatever country do you live in? Are you serious that you have to pay for a doctor and cant get medical care without insurance - how do poor people manage in your country? If he's desperate surely he can take himself to casualty or the emergency room , of whatever you call it, and make them sort it out? I cannot believe you have no emergency provision for mentally ill people. There must be something - have you asked?
I am wondering why you even need to ask the question.
You don't need to rescue him. You can't make him functional. You can't be superwoman. It is ok to love and let go.
You don't need to live a life of heart -wrenching.
Right now you have the choice. A long term relationship might destroy who you are.
There should be a county mental health facility that can give him free help and medication.
If you love him you can point him in a direction. And you can be strong enough to love yourself & be with someone who builds you up more than breaks you down.
Once you stop IM and seeing each other.he will find someone to step in where you left off.
If he says lets break up. Then do it. Why would you stay with anyone who wants to break up. Once you are away from it, you will know how much the relationship has cost you.
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I've been in a similar situation and I hope to high heaven you don't listen to these people who are calling this anxiety imaginary or selfish and him a nutcase or whatnot, because that's the ignorance speaking and the just need to disappear from this place.
Anyway, I can see you do indeed care about him. But as he was the one to call it off, I think he needs to go out on his own for a little bit. But the whole time, stay with him! Be his friend, talk to him, and help him through it! If you just pack up and abandon him, he could be seriously hurt... you can be friends while he works on these things. Then as he works towards helping himself perhaps you can rekindle the relationship. In any case, you'll each have a friendship. Make sure you're there for him, even though it is difficult...
He sounds a lot like me. It was difficult when my gf broke up with me, but it would have been so much easier if she had stuck around to at least act like a friend... sometimes people like us need someone to talk to, whether it be graphic-based or not.
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