Is there an alternative?

Question:

My entire life, I had been trying to figure out what I was abused by my mother and I finally found out that it's because she thought my father cheated on her when she was pregnant with me. She drank six wine coolers a day to try to make him feel guilty for if 1) she lost me or 2) I was born with a defect. Thank goodness I wasn't. Then, for most of my life (actually, until I moved out for college) she told me how much she didn't like me, how ugly I was, threatening to kill me.etc...a bunch of stuff. But now I finally know why, I don't feel better like I thought I would, you know? I have tried talking to her about it but as you could have possibly guessed, that was futile. So, how can I be helped to get over this? Would you suggest a therapist?

Answers:
Therapy can help some. It's worth a shot. It never helped me with my dad. Becoming spiritual helped me. But everyone is different. What you need is a mindset to help you feel content. You can't change her. But you are strong enough to realize that her behavior is wrong. You know that she is unstable. You don't want to be treated like that and you don't want to treat people like that.

But this is all because you are your own person. You are not her. So try to draw the separation between her and yourself and while still trying to maintain some sort of distant relationship with her because you don't need the guilt, and find you. What makes you feel good? It makes me feel good to help children and make people feel good on a daily basis. What are you interested in? I enjoy reading, academic work, socializing, etc. These will help. Find out whether you need a spiritual sort of guidance or more psychological guidance.

I can tell you that considering what you have written, you seem to be doing well for yourself. You recognize the problem and want to attack it. E-mail me if you want to talk.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/the...

I wouldn't think anything of it. You didn't do anything wrong. Yeah, I would recommend a therapist, because appantly she still has some issues with your father that still need to be resolved.

I've got a GREAT therapist.
It really helps to talk to someone.
Check out for some support groups in your area also.
Good luck.

I would seek a therapist and persue cognitive behavior therapy ... your resolution has to be within yourself - to not let how she treated you determine who you are or how you feel about yourself, and also to realize your resolution does not have to involve her, if you forgive her and are proud of who you are - that is within you and only you have power over that ...

First of all hun, understand you are not the cause of your mom's unhappiness. You were an easy target for her to take her issues out on, but it doesn't mean she is right. I would find a good counselor, you don't need meds, to work through ways to deal with this problem. You will learn alot about your self and how to look at this situation. Hard as it will be, you will in time learn to forgive her. Be kind to her. Sounds like she had alot going on and you are not the cause. Remind yourself what a great person you are, what a good person you are. Time is the key here. You can't undo what happened, but you will learn how to see it for what it was, not what you assumed. Time, it will take time for all of this to come together for you, but it will. Girl you will be just fine.

Some type of counseling would probably be a good idea.
You might also keep a journal in which you record all your thoughts and emotions. Then once a year, like on your birthday, burn that one and begin a new one. And make sure you start each one with a positive thing about yourself.

start a new life without her and surround yourself with things that make you happy, and find a man that loves you and if you cant find one then get a dog or 2

Hi

Firstly well done for getting that out, secondly you are very brave.

Your mother has emotionally and mentally abused you throughout your childhood. It was never your fault and you are not to blame. What your mother did was wrong. To use you to get at your father is wrong, she had no right to do that, and to put risk to you, unborn and born, is neglect which is child abuse.

Well done for confronting her about it, that must have been a tough thing to do. Unforunatly it sounds like your mother will deny she ever did anything wrong towards you. Her hostility towards you shows she is guilty and that she knows this but is not going to admit it.

Therapy would be an excellent idea, if possible to find one who specialises in this field. Take things slowly with a therapist, build your trust up with them. Other than a therapist there are online communities which can help you too. I run a website for survivors of abuse, every member has been through some sort of abuse so knows how you are feeling. We can comfort you when you feel low, give help, advice and support when you need it.

I hope this helps and wish you the best of luck.

Is there an alternative?

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