Has anyone else had parents who emotionally abandoned them from an early age?
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Yes, both my parents were emotionally unavailable to me.
My father was emotionally unavailable because he had a drinking problem and had been brought up in an abusive situation. My mother was emotionally unavailable because her father had a drinking problem while she was growing up.
So, neither of my parents knew what good parents were like. And, though they did their best, it was a long nightmare for my siblings and myself.
Fortunately, I have been able to work through the issues that I have had because of my upbringing. I now, later in life, understand that they truly did their best.
As a youngster, I felt like I was under a dark cloud and completely enveloped in pain. The sadness that I now feel is for all of us; and it's manageable. And, through therapy, I was able to recognize that there actually were good things that I did get from my parents--for example, a love of reading and learning.
I believe that most people come to adulthood with issues that they need to work through in therapy, which is what I did.
I learned in therapy not to take the neglect and abuse personally. Of course, that doesn't mean that what happened was okay. But I know that they did their best and cared for me the best they could.
That freed me from the feeling that I was somehow defective and that was why they neglected me. I now understand that they couldn't have done any better than they did because of their own backgrounds.
yeah from my dad..and im still hurt and going through it.. :(
nope my parents are awesome srry but you should talk to ur teach
Yes...When i was 6 my mum used to child abuse me. I was locked up. Had my face punched about. Non stop slapping and screaming at me and one night she just left me in the house all on my own. I was there without any food or water for a week. I finally thought i should do something so i got dressed by myself at six and went out the house and took the bus till i came to my grandparents house. I was only 6 years old. Eventually my mum got locked up and went to see a phycyatrist i am now living with the greatest adoptian parents! And am very happy =]] Hopefully i will never see my birth mum again!
xox
Yea. Then I got kicked out the house when I was 17 and now I'm 25 and visit them more often as years go by. Don't expect special treatment unless you give it back.
The more you expect the more you are let down. Just be happy you have parents because some do not.
I would say my major problem from this is insecurity.One needs to get that early.
I am still dealing with it.I have had a lot of help.Yet it will always be a problem.
The only advice I can give to some one younger them me with this issue is this,
Try, try hard not to hurt yourself, be kind to yourself and accept a helping hand if it is extended.
Yes, my mom left me for good when I was 8, it was hard but I had a great father who never let me feel abandoned, but he overdid everything to make up for my mother not being there. I was hard growing up especially when I wanted to shave my legs, or put on make up, or when I got my period for the first time. I always reached out for my mother and still do to this day but she always seems to have an excuse to not be involved with my life. At first it was always my father, I would ask her to do things for me, buy me a pair of jeans, underwear, take me places, she would scream that she pays my mortgage. Well, now that I have a child she wanted to help, but she doesn't, when she picks up my kid from nursery, the place is always a mess when I come home and she runs out as soon as my fiance comes home.
I dealt with it, I understood that my mother was not going to be there, I wasn't a bad kid, but I did rebel, I acted out. I did drugs, got arrested the whole nine, and I know that it could be because I didn't have her as a positive drug-free, good role model in my life.
My father, may he rest in peace, was a drug addict, and a gambler, and an overindulger in everything he did, I learned from him.
However, today I am a mother and am able to fill that void with my own mother-child relationship. I look at my son, and no matter what his father ever did to me I would never leave him, never not be active in his life. I also have a great job, I make great money and I have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. I think that just because you only have one active parent your life is not going to just go down the drain, your life is yours, its all your choices and your actions and you can't let someone elses issues get in the way of setting your own way in life.
My dad not only emotionally never been there for me, he was never there for me. I grew up alone, only have my mother sometimes there for me because she has to work, but at least she tends my needs and loves me.
I turned out to joined the military, got out, get a doctorate and now working for a police department.
How do I deal with it? I told my self to do things all the way. If I take a class and I know I'm going to fail it, I still take it and fail the class and tell my self, "At least I didn't quit." Because if I quit something so trivial like failing a class then I would never know how to prepare my self to pass the class. So, in life I apply the principle, if I can't do it, then learn about it and do it the right way, that way the next time you try something you are prepared for it. Why? Because you simply can not quit your life unless you are dead. So, I depend on myself and the help of others that can show me the way and then I live my life the way I want to be with out having the fear of my past haunts me.
Yes mine did. When I was first born I was abandoned at birth in a motel room. For some strange reason the State where I was born at gave me back to the parents who abandoned me I was almost 3 years old at the time.
But it wasn't that they really wanted me back, and why they were not criminally charged for it I dont understand.
These parents were not the kind of people who gave hugs or love, myself and biblings were ignored most of the time. If our parent wanted to go out drinking for the night they did, and we were left alone without a sitter.
By the time I was 5 almost 6 the State finally stepped in and took us away. We were all adopted out to strangers and grew up alone.
I never adjusted to being adopted, not did I get along with my own peers. School was hard to get though, I never trusted any adult, nor did I ever love the people who adopted me.
I pretty much closed myself out from allowing anyone to show care for me, I guess I was so used to people being cold and callus to me that I didn't know how to accept love and affection.
There was a lot of very bad things that happened to me at the hands of my real parents, but that is in the past.
Did I ever over come it? Let's say I came to terms with everything that happened to me and how I was treated. Because I have to live by the fact that you cant change what happened to you in the past, but you have control what happens today.
My siblings never did come to terms with the abuse, they have all had failed marriages, got into drugs, and one is even serving most his life in a Federal Prison. They refuse to let go of what happened to the in the past, they blame everything that is going wrong today for what happened yesterday. As long as they continue to believe that then their lives will never change.
I went on to become a Deputy Sheriff and tried to help others make changes for the better in their life, and I was able to raise 3 children to become successful adults, and they always knew what love is and never had to experience what I went though.
So I cant say if everyone can get over it, some people will let the memories consume their thoughts but it will only bring more grief and mental pain. But if you can put it behind you and not make yourself a victim of it then you can move on with your life.
Fawna
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