Son going to college, yesterday he confessed to us...?
Question:
I am very worried, Where should I go or do?
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS
Answers:
Honestly, Maria, it sounds as if your son just wanted to clear his conscience before he went off to college. I wouldn't worry too terribly much about this. The bottom line, is that there is not much you can do to prevent this (if he chooses to continue to smoke) once he is off to college. The best thing you can do is to let him know how you feel about marijuana. Tell him you were glad he chose to share that with you, and that you hope he will continue to be open with you in the future. Ask him if he still smokes. If he does, let him know that you will help find him a therapist to help him stop.
That's what kids do. There's nothing to do about it. Just tell him you're glad he told you and inform him of what mary jane does to ones body so he won't be tempted to do it again.
Realize that your son is growing up and if he is old enough to go to college he's an adult. If you do not trust him don't pay for college if it means that much to you. All kids lie to their parents at some time or another. Most kids don't admit to it, especially something as serious as drugs.
Dont worry about it! Honestly, if he told you he was addicted to it or something I would worry. But, if he did it ONCE- then he was just experimenting. Kids do that. I did it when I was in college a few times. Believe me, I have a great job now, two kids a husband etc. I think it is important that he knows the harms that can be done- sucks the motivation right out of you, makes you lazy etc. I personally would stress the importance of not letting this lead to experimenting with other drugs that are more harmful. I never did any other drugs- but, I know many who followed that path. HOpe it helps!
It is really great that he told you- that is something to be really proud of and grateful for. Marihuana is not very dangerous in itself, but can lead on to other "harder" drugs- that is the main risk. Therefore, try not to condem him, but, rather, to keep open discussion going and make him feel free to say anything that is on his mind without fear. Have open two-way talks with him about the dangers, other harder drugs, the effect on physical/mental performance, the fact that it makes you very tired and leads to apethy and lack of motivation, etc. Chances are that he will grow out of it or get fed up with it anyway (like many of my ex-college friends). Above all, don't get too stressed out by this- it is very common and will probably prove to be another fad (not only from research, but also from personal experience). Very warm regards and best wishes, The Shepherd.
You must be extraordinary parents who have maintained open dialog with your son. Be sure to tell him how you feel about it and it's associated dangers. No pressure. Chances are he no longer smokes since he told you.
Most kids grow out of it..I smoked dope and did a few other drugs, like Ecstasy and coke..and I was lucky to not get in trouble..I know that its serious to you and it should be, just make sure he knows that you do not approve. Tell him that you are not mad, but disappointed...that always made me feel so much worse...
Smoking pot isn't good, but it's not a big deal either. Judging by your reaction, you'd be surprised how many good kids have tried it. Your son was responsible, caring and respectful enough to tell you- that should REALLY tell you a lot about him and how important you are in his life. You really have nothing to worry about. He's not a drug addict, clearly. You can move on as if it were a minor bump on the road! I'd be very proud of your son for having the courage, but most of all the amazing respect he showed in confessing.
He is going to college. He is a man now. You have to let go. You raised him the best you knew how and now you have to let him make his own mistakes as an adult. He knows the consequences. And he makes his choices.
There is nothing you can do. Thank him for being honest. Tell him you hope he is finished with that experimentation because you would hate to see him in legal trouble. Then hug him and tell him you still love him and send him on his way into the world.
Young people frequently reject their parents' values and identities before they develop their own. It's normal. If you lecture him, you will drive him in the other direction. The fact that he trusted you enough to tell you, shows that you have a good relationship with him. Don't blow it at this critical time.
If we are good parents, we make ourselves obsolete.
Obviously your son is an adult and has made some unwise choices in the past. Is he still smoking marijuana? I would sit him down and tell him that you and his dad are not going to pay for college (if you are) if he is going to spend time using drugs and alcohol. Ask him to make a choice. I would also explain the consequences of being a drug user; memory problems, slowed reactions, medical conditions, not to mention possible arrest for having possession of the drug. Hopefully, this was a flash in the pan and he won't use drugs of any type further.
Did he say how many times he tried pot? If it was only once or twice, then he was doing the same kind of experimentation that most kids do. And most of them aren't open enough with their parents to admit trying pot to them.
Trying marijuana once or even a couple of times is extremely commonplace among young people, and has been for some time. In this day and age, you'd be surprised at how many successful, stable adults have tried marijuana once or even a few times when they were younger.
The fact that he tried pot, in and of itself, isn't a bad sign. If you had reason to believe he was smoking pot on a regular basis, then that would be cause to worry.
If anything, I'd say the fact that he actually admitted it to you is a good sign.
Advise him that MARIJUANA (Cannabis Sativa, Cannabis Indica, or Indian Hemp) is almost as bad as cigarette smoking, and that although it doesn't necessarily lead to using harder drugs for most people, it can, for some. It also affects a person's motivation, and sense of time, so is dangerous if driving, or doing anything at all dangerous. It has been known to result in the permanent loss of previous mental capabilities in the areas of higher mathematics, and physics. People with serious mental health problems, such as schizophrenia, should avoid it, too. Sometimes dealers adulterate it with opiates, to get people "hooked" (physically addicted), or even embalming fluid, for a better "high". Although psychologically habituating, I had no physical problems withdrawing from its use after more than 3 decades of daily use. The "pleasure pathways" of the brain take some time to normalise. The above is sensible, factual advice: I have more, if you email me, (through my profile) but am not prepare to publish it in a public forum, such as this, for reasons that I'll explain, on request.
I guess this all depends on family values re: marijuana, but...
To me, marijuana really seems okay. I mean, it doesn't make people beat their wives, or commit sexual assault... like alcohol :( It's a chill-out drug. Lots of kids smoke it at college, and this doesn't make them bad people!
My parents are trying to get me to SMOKE marijuana, actually - for an illness; my mom goes off on it all the time, and she sends me pot leaf-shaped cookies at school... It all depends on culture, I suppose - I'm from Seattle :)
That's good he's being honest! It means he feels like an adult now, and wants to treat you with equality and respect :) I get how a parent could freak out, though. I hope it works out!
Unfortunately, this is typical behavior for most teenagers as is drinking. You must let him grow his own wings and learn his own limits. Unless it get's to a point to where it is consuming him you need to let it be. All of us, in college, experimented with lots of things.it's part of growing up and finding your identity. At least he trusts you enough to tell you. Use your relationship with your son to know what he is doing and be open with him about your feelings as he has been with you about using.
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