HOw can i stop being negitive,defensive and insecure?
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Well, you realize your shortcomings, which is a big first step.
Have exercises in your mind to turn around your thinking such as: whenever you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, think of a positive one to counter it. If it's about a person, think of something good about that individual.
When you hear yourself being defensive, step back, think about it b/f you spout out excuses, and formulate a more logical trail of thought. If the only thing coming to mind are defenses, don't say anything, just listen to the person.they may not be "attacking" you, as you think.
It may not sound effective, but I did this, and I find myself naturally thinking more positively anymore. (I had the same issues, and didn't want to be that way either) I still have negative thoughts, sure, but I almost immediately come up w/ a more positive thing to say, or a better way to look at things.
Also, the people you're hanging out w/ is HUGE! If you have friends who are just as negative and down as you feel, you'll never go anywhere. Try to associate w/ more positive people, and limit the time you spend w/ people who just bring you down w/ them...even if it's family.
Choice
it may be something that you need to learn by seeing a therapist that will help you get to the root of those issues. Be conscious of everything you say and do and you can lessen the chance of being negative and defensive.
its going to take alot of work to change your ways, but with the right tools, you can do it.
Joyce Meyer has a lot of books and tapes that have helped thousands of people to gain confidence and deal with all kinds of issues.
www.joycemeyer.org
best wishes...you can over come.
Focus on all the good qualities you have and all the things in life that are you are not suffering with that so many others are.
Some very good answers here.
I have read a lot of self help books and this helped me ALOT.
A book called Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee.
"I agree with Rev. Billy Graham, 'This book should be read by every Christian."'
Another great book you can read is "Real Magic" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. It teaches you how to be happy, healthy, successful and prosperous in daily life through positive thinking. You can learn how to be more confident and accomplish your goals.
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