What is a good way to assist a raging alcoholic without enabling them ?
Question:
Example, today he punched a car, the driver was a cop, he yells at the cop, cop graps him by the throat and shakes him. Cop leaves. My friend is feeling sorry for himself and crying cause of what the cop did. Personally, I thought he deserved it and surprised it doesn't happen more often to him.
Answers:
Unfortunately, until your friend is ready to admit to himself that he has a problem, there's not much you can do for him. Alcoholism is a disease, an illness. Some people can't or won't see what they're doing to themselves and others. Nobody can do it for them. They have to want it for themselves. The best advice I can give is to know your boundaries and stay firm. Be as honest as possible. He probably won't like it, but tell him that you care about him but you don't like his behavior when he's that drunk and you'd rather not be around him when he's like that. Most likely you will get a negative response, but enabling him is even worse. Never give up hope though. There is always a chance that something will happen that will open his eyes to his problem with alcohol.
You sound like you're taking the right approach to it. Just imagine your friend had a different "stupid" behavior. He kept hitting his finger with a hammer & you told him to stop and he ignored you. You'd be a friend, but not give him more hammers or Neosporin cream!
Let him experience the consequences of his actions, until he "hits bottom" and is willing to listen to someone. Then, you can be there to help him pick up the pieces of his life. He'll really need you, then!
As sad as it sounds, some people need to have the crap beat out of them in order for them to see the light. That way, when they see no one cares, they have to start caring for themselves. Next time he hits someone, he'd better think to himself, "am I going to win this one"? There is always someone bigger, stronger, & better at beating someone to death than he is.
It sounds to me like he's way over due some counseling. Call AA for him before he dies of stupidity.
I suggest that you attended an Al-anon meeting, which provides support for family and friends of those with a substance abuse problem.
The best thing you can do is try to develop a bit of mental distance from this person without actually rejecting him. He needs to realize that his drinking and his behaviour are his responsibility and that he has to make an effort to change. Be supportive if he's making steps in the right direction, tell him when he's not--but don't get into any arguments with him or try to change him all by yourself. It's a delicate balance. Going to an Al-Anon meeting or looking at some of their material on the internet may be helpful.
Don't let him drive and try to talk it out -- don't make any
"booze runs" for him or lend any money,.. show no sympathy
for his situation. Try to get him to AA for help -- you need
to go to Al-Anon for assistance
try www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.
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