What do you do when you can't seem to get close to others?
Question:
I realize that I hold alot of myself back and that could be one of the main reasons why I can't get close with other people. I don't know I guess I am afraid of rejection so I only give a certain amount of myself and I guess others notice that. Well I don't know what to do about it. I'm just afraid of being dissapointed. I see too many people getting screwed by others, including my own experiences and I kind of don't want to have to deal with that. What do I do?
Answers:
your true problem is not that you cant get close to others.
your true problem is the fear that you have about opening up.
thats a big distiction.
Now that that's settled, learn to take things as they come.
In any relationship, time is your best friend.
New friends..time tells you if they can be trusted, if they can be loaned money, if they can keep secrets, if they are the people that know how to listen and help you through your problems.
In loving relationships, they tell you if the other person is worthy of your affections. If they only want you for one thing, of if they are compatible with you, and understanding or controlling.
Time will tell all.
So perhaps instead of beating yourself over not being able toopen up, just understand that what you need is people who understand what youre going through.
Best is to just hang out with people that enjoy the same things you do.
Dont rush into relationships, let them develop.
and remember the guys who try to push you into relationships faster than you feel comfortable are the ones that are focused on getting what they want.
So learn to take it slow, and just have fun with people, and observe them. Time will show you who you can and who you cant trust.
And theres no way of rushing that!
Have kids. You're children will love you and want to be close to you without any fear of rejection. They willl love you unconditionally, well, at least until they become teenagers.
Start out with a casual relationship and let it develop over time. Take small steps slowly but surely.
The single biggest fear in life for ALL humans is fear of rejection. Imagine everyone you talk to is thinking the same thing you are and you will start to relax about it. Treat other people the way you would like to be treated. You teach people how to treat you by your behavior so it will work! Give it a go!
I had this same problem and gradually realized that if I did not take risks or chances that I was going to miss out on life and meeting all kinds of people even the ones that may end up hurting me or getting angry with me, etc. Just as you can and feel comfortable, go out more with a friend and perhaps meet their friends. Go to places that you enjoy where you will have the opportunity to meet more people. Sure some people will not stand up to your expectations but you will gain many great relationships by meeting more people. Good luck~
Try finding someone in a simliar situation, that way you can work to fix your problems together and that will in effect bring you closer to each other. Date below your league not above.
in order to experience love you have to be willing to have your heart broken, and ironically your heart is only broken by resistance to being hurt
closeness is something you let happen, so just allow while acknowledging that it may hurt you.
it is said in the finacial world, that the biggest risk is the one that gives most profit, u could apply this theory in this situation, take a risk try be nice to somebody u like, and dont put pressure on urself, try relax and dont read into it too much, it could help for u to have some therapy, so u can see the reason, for u being scared it could have to do with something from the past, just a suggestion, and bout this kids thing, i thnk u stil got time.
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