I did not make my counseling appointment today and the counselor could not be bothered checking in. I am tired
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Please talk to your counselor as Hopeful suggested and please consider this particular event in the context of your overall relationship with the therapist. Is this behavior typical of a pattern of not caring that you have been feeling for some time from him/her or is it surprising? There may be other things that took her attention or it could have simply been an error in scheduling. Counselors are human and make mistakes, so try and judge this in the context of other behavior you have observed. Also, consider whether this is a pattern for you (missing appts. without cancelling). If you miss appointments frequently, your counselor may be waiting for you to demonstrate committment to therapy by initiating contact yourself. Don't assume the reason behind the behavior without at least a discussion.
As for Frosty's comments, that sort of attitude is a disgrace to the profession and certainly not representative of therapists as a whole. Please don't assume that her comments are a validation of your belief that no one cares, including therapists.
Personally, when a client doesn't show up for an appointment I will usually almost always call, particularly if it is unusual for them to miss an appointment. If, however, it has become a pattern of regular no shows I will usually discuss it with the client and set some limits around what is expected behavior and I may opt to send a letter requesting that they call to discuss conditions for continued treatment in order to give them time to consider whether they really want treatment. As a therapist, chronic no shows are very frustrating as we have to meet certain visit quotas in order to keep our positions. If this happens repeatedly, it becomes difficult both to develop a therapeutic relationship as well as to make up the missed appt. time and fill quotas that are expected of us. In such a case, a walk-in client will get priority over a phone call to a client that no showed and many therapists are forced to double book appt. times when they have a client who repeatedly fails to keep their appt. A lack of outreach is often not a result of lacking concern, but of extremely limited time and multiple pressures. Please discuss the situation with your therapist before concluding they simply couldn't be bothered.
FInd a new counselor. Good ones are usually booked.
Clam down..Get a new counsler ASAP.Just breathe.I know how you feel but your not alone...If you need a friend i will be your best friend.Plz wirte me.
As a psychotherapist, I get frustrated when people take up my appointment slots then whine about being sad and suicidal. My rule for people in therapy..."I'll care as much as you do." Now what do you want your therapist to do to show he cares, go to your home, put you in some clothes, and have a limo bring you to the office? You got to do your part and at least show up on time.
Hopeful, you know what happens when someone just feels too sad and tired to call and cancel their appointment? A caring therapist sits around for an hour twiddling his thumbs when he could be helping a different suicidal person who would keep the appointment. Did you ever think about that?
I go to disco or anywhere when I get depressed..
Catherine, think of who is making excuses ?
A.) Therapist
B.) Client
C.) none of the above
D.) Both
Hi Urban, I don't think that's true about your counselor.Have you try talking to someone else about want is bothering you? You have to have some friends and a mom,dad brother or sister! Something is stressing your out to a point that you need to see someone besides a school counselor. Maybe make an appointment to see your doctor and talk to him or he about whats going on in your life. Never give-up on life it's self. You are a fighter you just need to talk to someone who can talk you threw your problems. If you need someone to talk to email me on this site and i will try to help you.
A Friend.
poppy1
I am sorry you missed your appointment. I have felt like you do because you have probably built a very trusting relationship with your counselor and knows that s/he cares. You sound very depressed and therefor thinking your counselor does not care but in reality they s/he does. They were probably very busy. Perhaps you can call and leave a message or the next time you see your counselor let em' know how it made you feel so they will know how bad it made you feel and you can discuss this. If you are feeling as if you truly do not want to live you need to call them immediately or go to your ER and seek medical attention. I am sorry you are alone. The point is you don't know what tomorrow holds and all the great opportunities that are ahead for you once you are feeling better. Don't give up!Things can and will get better. I hope you feel better soon~
Frosty~ I am certainly glad you are not my therapist. You are not very professional. I understand, as I am sure most do that it is up to the patient to make the appiontment but when you are so depressed you can't drag yourself out of bed.you can't and that is when YOU as a therapist should be the MOST supportive. A patient does indeed have to put forth an effort but they also have to have a caring, understanding therapist or they won't have any patients and will therefor be BROKE and BITTER!!
EDIT: JENNY OH. I SAID, IF YOU READ MY POST CORRECTLY THAT A PATIENT HAS TO PUT FORTH AN EFFORT! I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT MOST THERAPIST SIT AND TWIDLE THEIR THUMBS IF THEY ARE TRULY CONCERNED A PATIENT IS SUICIDAL! THIS PERSON WAS COMING FROM A PLACE WHERE HE CARED THAT HE MISSED HIS APPOINTMENT AND WE KNOW NO ISSUES NOR HOW LONG HE HAS BEEN IN THERAPY. DO YOU HAVE NO SYMPATHY?!? AN IDIOT I AM NOT! I DO KNOW THAT WHETHER IT BE A THERAPIST, PSYCHOLOGIST, ZOO KEEPER OR LAY PERSON MOST HUMAN BEINGS ARE WANTING TO HELP OTHERS IN ANYWAY POSSIBLE WAY NOT HURT THEM FURTHER, ESPECIALLY IN YOUR LINE OF WORK AND I AM SERIOUSLY APPAULED AT YOUR COMMENT BEING THAT YOU ARE A PSYCHOTHERAPIST. MOST ARE SO BUSY THEY ARE HAVING TO CATCH UP OR TAKING CARE OF PERSONAL BUSINESS! I WAS NOT MAKING EXCUSES..PLEASE REREAD CORRECTLY. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT! I WAS NOT ATTACKING NOR HAVE I EVER ATTACKED IN THIS FORUM BUT YOU HAVE CROSSED NOT ONLY THE RULES BUT BOUNDARIES AS PERHAPS YOU DO WITH YOUR PATIENTS. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?!? I DO NOT LIKE CONFLICT.ENOUGH SAID!! I COME HERE TO HELP PEOPLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE NOT HURT THEM. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TO BECOME NOT ONLY A SOCIAL WORKER BUT AN ADVOCATE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL ( as I have been in therapy myself and I have seen that the "system" over all needs to be revised) AND YOU ARE A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF EXACTLY THE REASON WHY. THANKS FOR THE MOTIVATION. I NEEDED A BOOST :o) I HAVE SURVIVED MORE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY CAN'T NOT KNOCK ME DOWN WITH MERE WORDS. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD EVENING. I WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR CONTINUED PRACTICE~
you're wrong about one thing. the entire Universe supports you. it cares
stand up in your aloneness
YOU ARE A WARRIOR! warriors don't give up when the chips are down. You do not know what the future hold and you do not have the right to end your life when you have not exhausted all your options. You are depressed, clinically, for which there is medication. I was where you are until I got the proper help. How do you know that tomorrow you won't find a friend?> You need to lift your head and stop looking at the sidewalk...You can join a therapy group with people who struggle like you and understand you. HAVE YOU ASKED about this or researched it on line for your city? YOU CAN''T GIVE UP, because someone is waiting for you in the future and you will deprive them of ever getting to know and love you... YOU WILL BE OKAY!
sounds like a HORRIBLE counsiler that doesn't like his/her job. its not you, its them. And their poor duty to forfill their job.
Definatly see a new counsiler. You're not alone in life, there are so many people out there who are going through what you're experiencing, even if you don't see it, hear it, or believe it. If you just sit back and don't care for yourself, how are others supposed to care for you if you don't want to care for yourself? You need to learn to love yourself and realize what you have. you don't need anybody. Because, the people who really matter will find you. Maybe not now, but later.
Take care, and please find a new counsiler!
xx
There are a variety of reasons people miss their counseling sessions. If they are ill, they usually call in and cancel rather than stand up the counselor.
When people miss their sessions because they unconsciously want to avoid dealing with an issue or they are angry at the therapist, they should call as soon as possible to apologize. Maybe you are testing the therapist or expecting too much of the therapist. Do you think it is realistic to expect another adult to care about you when you stand up that person? I think that is the question you need to ask yourself.
When appointments are missed, it usually isn't because the patient had a heart attack and is lying helplessly on the floor. Generally the responsibility to communicate the mishap lies with the patient, not the therapist.
Sorry to hear about your situation. Counselors have their own problems and if yours is overbooked or ran into problems with other patients who have similar or worse problems than yours it is not surprising that s/he didn't get back to you. Think about it their life is about everyone else's problems and unhappiness. I used to do that kind of work and it finally got so overwhelming I had to stop.
I can also relate to your dreary look at life and the seemingly pointlessness to all of it...been there too. Some people will tell you to turn to some relgious source and put all your problems in the hands of the unseen unheard from and just have faith. Me I found it easier to find something I really liked to do and just get involved in that. Surprisingly I also met other people who liked to do the same thing and although we didn't become close friends, at least I had someone to talk to once in a while and something to do with myself besides sit at home and feel sorry for my condition. I know how difficult it is because I suffered from suicide ideation for years until I ran across someone who really understood me and believed in life the same way I did, that was in November of 2005; I haven't had a suicidal thought since. I can only tell you what happen to me and give you some ideas of how to approach your situation from a different angle. Sometimes we just have to shake ourselves and try something different. Life is just that way. You might want to go ahead and schedule another appointment and talk to your therapist about how you feel and ask him/her about some group situations you could check out. I'm not much into sitting around with a bunch of whiners but maybe you can meet someone who will click and take the edge off. Hope the best for you...give it some time it will change and if you think good thoughts it will change for the better.
time for a new counselor! i know it hard to get out to find a new one. there is always a point. you may not know it right now but, you make a difference in the world. please hang in there. i understand what it is that you are going though. time will make a difference. it may not be tomorrow, but it does get better.
if you need to chat, email so we can start a conversion.
keep a good thought handy!
Let's look at this situation like your are shopping for a particular item or service. You are buying a service.If some one does not show interest in you as a customer then you have the right not to deal with them anymore. If this person does show any interest in you then drop him/her like a hot potato. Don't feel discouraged. I'm sure there are good counselors for you. Here are some good tips.
Ask your prospective counselor about their educational background and area of expertise.
Have they had any internship training and if so where.
Find some one who is compatible with your personality.Personality conflicts can happen between counselors and clients just like every one else.
Does this person focus on you in a positive way and make you feel at ease. Don't become involved with a counselor who becomes too familiar or seems not to take any interest in you. Since most communication is nonverbal watch for two things.Is she/he like a rag doll or do they seem too stiff and distant. If so keep looking for another counselor. Don't feel discouraged there are a lot of good counselors out there who are compassionate considerate and take genuine interest in their clients.Don't feel afraid to express your feelings whether you agree with him or her or not.So when you go shopping be sure that the bread is fresh and the milk isn't sour. Good luck!
So we meet. I answered a question from a person who purports to be your therapist, just last night. I really did not think it was appropriate for them to mention you in this (or any) forum, due to the privacy act. Assuming you are in the USA.
I am with you, I have a really difficult time with appointments, but you must work on that. If your treatment is going to be effective, you must be there. You are the one in charge there not anyone else.
Depression does make you tired. Even to the point of experiencing aches and pains. Is it really worth dying for? I asked myself the same question, and found the answer to be NO. I must live, so must you.
You cannot be a recluse, and wonder why you are all alone. You must place yourself into situations where you will meet and mingle with others. You will find, if you just place yourself in these situaions, folks will just start talking with you. I started by going to the karaoke bars, and socializing with folks there. Now these people are my friends. I even started bowling again to occupy myself, the next thing I knew, I was a part of the thursday night league. I used to bowl semi-pro, so I gravitated to that.
Choose whatever activity you like where others might have a chance to meet with you in a setting you are comfortable with. Invariably good things happen. At least it cannot hurt anything.
Please, do yourself a favor. Make those appointments, and give effort to living, not dying. we are all headed toward that quickly enough as it is.
I hope this helps.
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