My son was a victim?
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Sit down and talk to your son about your feelings. I am pretty certain that he will tell you that he does not "blame" you for what happened. If you wish to continue to blame yourself then there isn't much anyone can do to convince you otherwise. You are taking the blame for something that was totally out of your control. That's too much blame for anyone to try to shoulder. best wishes
how come you don't go for counselling yourself?
Don't feel bad there is only so much a mother can do. don't let your son know that you can't let go. then he won't be able to either.
Hes coming to terms with the abuse, but it sounds like you need some help too, why not get some counselling and allow yourself to move on.
And your question is what? A good hiding isnt abuse.
Thats if its for good reason.
I understand that you feel guilty, but there is no benefit in dwelling on it. If you want to make amends, why don't you volunteer with a group that helps troubled teens or abused children?
Also, have you asked your son to forgive you for whatever you feel guilty about?
If those two things do not work, call a counselor.
u both should go to counseling
You can not undo what has been done all you can do is let him know that if you knew you would have had the SOB arrested for what he did. All you can do now is love him and be there for him.
Don't beat yourself up your a good mom.
okay
1-its not ur fault his stepfather maybe told him u would send him away or something
2-its not really easy to c let me guess he was really nice when u were around b/c he knew what he was doing to ur son was wrong
3-i hope ur son know he did nothing wrong either
4-ur son does not blame u so stop blaming ur self
I really feel for you.
Ignore the hatred answers you got earlier. You have done everything you can to help make sure your son got over what happened and now you need to do the same for yourself.
All the best.
Hey, its not your fault. This is what sic people do. they harm people in such away not to leave evidence. and scare the victims into saying nothing. Just be there for each other, and don't give up. The only person that let him down was the step father, I sincerely hope u all manage to put this traumatic event behind you, and look into the future.
the very hardest thing to do is forgiving yourself,but for you own healing you must ! and then forgive the abuser ,,and dont think im saying that its ok forgiving is for you not the abuser and not absolving them of what they did ,but there comes a time for you own good and wellbeing to let it all go..its a process and you need help with it. first of all write a letter and say everything you feel and how badly this hurts and then tie it to a helium balloon and let it go if you dont let it go you will never be able to move forward.many times things happen and we dont know about them its not your fault raising kids and working is tough,so get some much needed help before it causes you to much health damage,and it cause further mental problems later ,,you have to set your mind to it though .
This is terrible. Are you still with your husband/your son's stepfather? I would guess that if he only abused your son, than he wasn't interested in girls. You can't blame yourself for this happening. When did your daughters tell you about the abuse? While it was still happening or later in life when your son became older? You have to let go of your anger and stop blaming yourself. You did not abuse your son, the stepfather did. You need to put the blame on him and leave it on him. You didn't let him down. He was probably told all sorts of bad things bay his stepfather that would happen to you and his sisters. You need to let it go. By the way. Which country to you live in?
Sometimes things happen that we could not do anything about it.things just got out of our hand....Know this that if you had known you would have put a stop to it right.that say something for you.
Thank God that you did find out and took the correct measure once you know.this shows that you are responsible as you did not just let it continue...as soon as you know you stopped it right. You even had him go into counselling
I know you feel that you must have slip some how ( I am a parent and I know where that guilt come from) but know this we make mistakes (slip) but we are human and maybe this is away of god telling us to be attentive to certain signs.as you will be more careful looking at your kids and no one can teach you how..
.As you have the experience than you know what to look out for...the telltale signs of a child being abuse and you can turn this bad experience to help other children...you can approach or alert or help someone else or do something before it is too late..a silver lightning in the dark clouds...get what i mean...I am sorry that this happen to you and I know that it is not easy to forgive yourself but try it..try accepting your fate and turn it for something good only you can raise up above it.Be strong (From one parent to another):)
Your son is 21 now, have you talked through the past with him and let him know how you feel about the past, likewise how does he feel about it ?
I'd also suggest that you seek some professional advice on coming to terms with it.
I am the product of an abusive parent..I KNEW my mother had NOTHING to do with any of it...and I did NOT blame her---what I DID blame her for was her lack of trust in ME when I told her about it... I'm sure that once YOU found out what was going on, you did something about it immediately and I sincerely hope his stepfather is now rotting away in prison for what he did to your son... and if you were able to accomplish THAT, your son feels nothing but PRAISE for you... parents DO tend to feel tremendous guilt when another parent in the household abuses or molests one of their children... it's NORMAL to feel that way, but if it's been YEARS since it has happened, you've GOT to learn to shake off the guilt and the anger... I have been able to put what I went through behind me YEARS AND YEARS ago.my mother never actually felt too guilty until AFTER she found out what I had been telling her was TRUE... I think she felt more guilt about not believing me then she did about the actual acts of abuse... We have NEVER really talked to each other about it since it all ended more then 40 years ago .. You were NOT to blame and I am SURE your son has ALWAYS known you were not to blame. try not to feel guilty----I think maybe you should go see a psychologist or psychiatrist just so you can get your feelings OUT or maybe, the best thing would be to sit down with your son and even though it may open old wounds, if you HAVEN'T told him how guilty and angry you feel, he MIGHT actually be able to help YOU get those feelings out and be DONE with them.
it must be hard. i cant imagine how you must feel to find out this has happened and you didnt know about it. what i will say is nothing you say or do will change the fact that it has happened. living your life feeling guilty will only make the abuser succeed in having impact on your life. be thankful that you found out and were able to do something, be proud of your children for surviving and making something of their lives, be proud that your daughters looked after your son, you did that, you made them who they are, dont beat yourself up. yeah, it happened, it shouldnt have but you all survived. be thankful that you are all together and safe now.
this is a horrid time that you must be going thro, but you must not blame yourself. As abusers go they black mail their victims to thinking it is there fault and the person that loves them (you) will get rid of them if they find out. The abuser can be very clever in when & how they delievery the abuse and in ways to make you never see it.
It is not your fault, its the fault of the abuser and not you. Your partner may of had experiences in his childhood which has related to what he has done to your son, which still gives him no right to do wat he did.
It is difficuilt to trust anyone these days, and sometimes we fail in our judgements. Thank goodness your daughters wernt abused in ways we would not want to think of. I think this "stepfather" had a problem with authority in the home, coming into a home with a male in the home and wanting to place his territory, as men do.
I think you should go for some counciling & also express your feelings of guilt & sorrow to your son, and how upset you are that you didnt see the signs. He may then open upto you aswell as his counselin sessions, which may make him feel better. As the abuse was going on I think the abuser will of being making him feel guilty if he ever told you, thats whats caused him to be afraid, cos they put the fear in him of telling.
Good luck and if you need to chat, am here.
You have managed to get your son through this so you have nothing to feel guilty about. You will get through this too. I don't imagine your son blames you for what happened so you shouldn't blame yourself. I hope the animal who did this was put away because that would be some consolation. He betrayed your trust when you had trusted him enough to leave your children in his care. Maybe as others have said you should seek some help for yourself, it's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger. Good luck,xx
We can't catch everything and see everything concerning our kids. We can only do our best and leave the rest to God.
The stress of what you have been through has most likely caused hormone imbalance. Both anger and guilt are on Miriam Brazel's list.
This is the link to my web page regarding hormone tests in it there is a link to Miriam Brazel's page
http://uk.geocities.com/willim_walker@bt...
1 do an on line hormone test http://www.johnleemd.com/store/resource_...
2 do an appropriate saliva test and obtain results
3 get the results & discuss with a NPIS doctor or educate your GP/MD
Search for “natural progesterone anger” and you will find pages such as
http://www.physician-formulated-natural-...
HOW TO BALANCE YOUR HORMONES WITH PROGESTERONE
AND BE A HEALTHY HAPPY WOMAN!
# # #
I believe you'll find other women with similar stories who are now better. :-)
some success stories in using natural progesterone
http://www.womhoo.com/index.asp?pageacti...
http://www.natural-progesterone-advisory...
http://www.npis.info/casestudies.htm...
Men need only half as much progesterone as women do but we need it for our bones, brain and throughout the body in general. There are many illness where there are twice as many women are affected as men and this is usually due to hormone imbalance.
If you son is still suffering from the stress have him also do the tests suggested above.
Hope this of benefit to you and may the happiness be restored to your lives
So he got beaten and now you can't get over it - well you need to. Guilt is a wate of energy and time. You are the one who needs to see a counsellor.
get counselling 4 both you and your son!
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