Bereavement. Why do I react like this?

Question:

When the love of my life was diagnosed with terminal cancer I felt nothing and said nothing, but when he told his grown-up children and even his boss they burst into tears. Then the day he died I fell apart and had a nervous breakdown as a result of which I lost my home and job, while his grown-up children and his boss were able to carry on with their lives without any great difficulty. Also, when my father died I felt nothing and didnt even bother to go to the funeral. Then 5 years later I suddenly spent one whole day crying over him. Why am I like this? The way I react doesnt seem normal. Could it be because of my troubled childhood - my parents would get angry with me if I cried instead of comforting me.

Answers:
It could be your childhood, it could be that everyone reacts differently. Some people take more time. At least you reacted, eventually. Don't be so hard on yourself, everyone is different.

You just said it yourself at the end there - your parents would punish you if you showed any emotion. That's probably what has you ****ed up. I would definitely seek therapy. And don't worry - many people do, trust me!

my guess is that because even though you didn't feel anything , deep down you were suffering even though you didn't feel anything, you just bottoled up all althose things togther inside of you and one day you let it all out. though like i said it's only a guess life is sometimes too daam confusing

We all grieve differently. Maybe it takes you more time to process and accept what happened? The stages of grieving occur in any order and can last any period of time. It's just whatever your mind manages in response.

If you're having trouble understanding grieving, there is a great book called "On Death and Dying". It's old, still accurate, and you can buy a new or used copy of it for a reasonable price.

yes i agree with the first answer
you have answered your own question

that was a cruel way to treat you and you must go and get someone to help you talk about how you feel
good luck xx

It's very common to repress one's feelings when a loved one dies as the emotional pain can be too much to bear.Eventually the buried emotions can resurface day even years later.It sounds as if your parents taught you to bottle yours emotions up but as you have probably learnt this only leads to a more severe emotional reaction.The way you are acting is normal so don't beat yourself up about it.Good luck.

I agree with all the answers gone before me - would like to add - you need to give yourself permission to show how bloody miserable and unhappy you are - don't be afraid , ashamed, embarrassed.
It's good to let it out - it ferments otherwise - things turn bad.
I don't know why we do what we do in any situation, everybody is different, that's good to, don't be thinking there is something wrong with you - because there is absolutely not!!
We do all at different times in our lives need help from somebody - so go get it and throw yourself into it - it will make you feel better!! -
Get it all out of you're system - what I do know is that we need to go through a process - if we don't that's when we get a bit messed up - counselling will help you through this process - it's never to late to do this!!

SO GO GET SOME COUNSELLING POUR YOUR HEART OUT - IT WILL BE VERY FREEING

If you have children remember this - don't do to them what you're parents have done to you!

GET HAPPY - STAY HAPPY!

well grief effects us all differently i think you parents had a large part to play in this with getting angry with you.

Hi there,
it must have been very difficult for you, but God wants to help and love you. He died so that you might have life. See what He thinks about you http://fathersloveletter.com/flltextengl... I really liked it, and the great thing is, He means it all for us.

Hope this helps,
God Bless

im same

Bereavement. Why do I react like this?

Health Resources