Am I mentally ill?

Question:

Since I was 12, I began thinking I was fat after moving to Central America from Europe (Military Family) with my father leaving to Dubai. I once attempted suicide as well. With my father then deployed to Afghanistan, I felt very neglected seeing civilian life and with my mother starting an affair I knew of. Her lover later on began to rob us or threaten to kill my mother. Ever since, I still hate eating and still think myself fat, and have dreams of me killing my mother's lover, usually slashing his throat. And I have fantasies to do this or to anyone that looks like him (tall, white and with tattoos). I hate myself for this, and I wonder if I truly am ill because I don't believe myself so? I am going to be 15 in a week at the moment.

Answers:
You have given a lot of good reasons to be angry and upset. I can't think of anyone on this Earth who could live through the things you have and not be affected in some way. You must be very strong to have endured all of this! It's not fair that you have had to live with the consequences of your parents' bad choices.

I am hoping that you can get some REAL help. What happened after the suicide attempt? Did you get any type of counseling after that? Is there a guidance couselor or therapist or any adults you trust that you could talk to?

The "fat thoughts" and aversion to eating are serious. You could end up anorexic. Usually a person develops anorexia/eating aversion when he or she feels that life is out of control. The person wants to feel that they have some sort of control over life, so they focus on weight. Or become a "cleaning addict," etc. Somewhere, they seek perfection.

But there is no such thing as perfect, and even if a person DID achieve an ideal weight/clean home it wouldn't even help. Because the problem from which it all began will still be there. We develop these other things (starving, cleaning, cutting, binge eating) to distract ourselves from what is REALLY bothering us, especially if we don't see another way to heal.

Crappy things have happened to you that were not your fault, and starving yourself will never fix the thoughts or feelings you have about that! To me, your desires to not eat and to not be fat show me that you really do want to be a whole person; you want to be healed of the painful past, but haven't found another way. I truly respect that you have reached out here, and that you want to make things better for yourself!

I hope you can find a therapist or counselor to help you work those thoughts and feelings out. You deserve to be happy and to feel good about yourself and life in general!

Try to do well in school, and begin to think of what you might do later in life to support yourself. My parents were very dysfunctional alcoholics, so my goal as a teen was to go to college and be self-sufficient so I wouldn't have to live with them and be controlled by them for years to come. My school guidance counselor helped me figure things out, to be able to get loans and such so I could move away at 18.

xoxo Warmest thoughts,

A friend

Yeap elevator don't go to the top floor....

You have been through a lot and may have post traumatic stress disorder. Your thoughts are not normal, but it is good that your recognize this. Please seek help now, things will only get worst. By seeking help now you will be able to lead a normal life.

Sounds like you've had more than your share of trouble in your life.

I don't think you're crazy. We all have strange fantasies, often violent. It's one thing to think about something, it's something else to plan on doing it, or even to think about it so much it becomes an obsession.

At your age you are changing very fast. Think how long ago you were 12 when you moved to Central America. You probably don't feel much different from how you were then, but you are a completely different person than you were when you were 12. Think of all the things that have happened since then to make you think the way you do. You will be 18 in that same amount of time and you'll be a completely different person again--old enough to go to college or get married or go in the service. You'll feel completely differently about a lot of things. So don't take how you feel now too seriously.

almost everyone thinks they need to lose weight(women any way) for the rest of it you'll grow out of it if you let yourself.

You may need professional help. Anyone who attempts suicide needs to talk to a real doctor. Nothing can happen to you that is worth taking your own life. You may need medication for depression. You have a sad story but there are millions of stories that are far sadder. Exercise more, eat healthy, and see a psychologist immediately. Rise above.

Well, you're not insane, but you've gone through some intensely emotional moments in your life. My advice would be to seek out psychiatric help.

I'm glad you bring this problem of yours up to YouQA.com s. The more you open up to other people the more you will be comforted and helped. I suggest, if I may, that you join Yahoo! Groups. You may choose Health & Wellness category. Beleive me, you won't regeret it.

Am I mentally ill?

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