I just found out a co-worked of mine committed suicide!?
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I grew up with a friend and we did all the things boys do as they grow up. We enlisted together, went overseas together, and came back home together. We both got jobs in the same plant and for the most part were like brothers. I got married, he remained single but was seeing a women and it was getting pretty serious. One Saturday afternoon he called me up, asked if I could stop over for a while. I told him I'd be right over, he said to come in through the garage he'd leave the door open. Drove to his house (about 5 minutes) walked in the garage, into the kitchen. He had put a 12 Gage shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. That was almost 25 years ago and I still can't drive past that house. Things like this bother you, possibly more then a normal death because it seems like a waste. All I can think is there was something that was causing lots of pain for the person and that's gone now.
maybe it was something you said
I am so sorry to hear about your co-worker. Its really sad when you hear things like that. Try to keep yourself occupied and not think about it. Getting your mind off of it can help a lot. It is really hard when someone you knew commits suicide. Do you go to therapy already? if so, bring it up. if this is really hard for you to take, then consider trying therpy. its not for everyone, but it could help not only with this, but lots of other things. "i've had much turmoil"...yeah it could help with things. I am truly sorry to hear about your co-worker. keep yourself busy and try not to over-think it. best wishes.
Talk to friends or clergy about your feelings. It should help.
It is always hard to believe when something like this happens. It is difficult to fathom how anyone can reach the depths of depression. I know I couldn't understand it until I almost lost my life by ignoring depression and refusing treatment. If you go to Yahoo search and look under "The Last Temptation of George Petrie" you can see what the downward spiral into depression is like. Today I am stronger and happier than ever because I got the help and medication that I needed. I wish I had tried to get help sooner but I was embarassed to admit that I had a psychological problem and thought I was smart enough to beat it on my own. By the way I had a friend who committed suicide several years ago. I remember being very angry that he didn't tell me that he was so depressed. He, like myself and many people with depression, hid it from everyone so they were powerless to do anything about it. best wishes
Having had someone important in my life commit suicide, I can tell you that it leaves you constantly second-guessing yourself (could I have prevented it?) and angry at the person who did it. The latter may not be such a big factor if you didn't know the person well, the former might.
Someone wrote that suicide is the culmination of a long terminal disease process--it's not usually a sudden snap decision. I believe that to be true and I find it comforting in an odd way. Taking your life is not an easy thing and the person who did it had started to let go of life in all sorts of subtle ways before actually taking the final step.
While it's important not to crucify yourself over things you could have done but didn't or didn't do but should have, something like this is a reminder that maybe we should be aware of others a bit more and a bit more open to getting involved in their lives if they are suffering.
Suicide for me has always been the hardest deaths to deal with. I have known several people wwho took thier own lives.
The first time this tragedy touched my life, I lost someone so near and dear I thought I would never go on. I was left with so many unresolved feelings and emotions. But one emotion stood out the most, and that was guilt. I just knew if I had did something different, If I had gone by his house that day like I had wanted to, If i had at least picked up the phone, things would be different. But I didn't, and I couldn't change they way they were. My dad said to me too, hind sight is 20/20, about my feelings of guilt and the subtle hints my friend had given me over the past couple weeks that I didn't catch and didn't make sense to me until he was gone. I took a while to resolve most of the turmoil I felt in then. And I am still over come woth sadness by it, but I learned to love myself more over it, and cherish my life and my loved ones lives more.
I talked to friends and family member to help me cope, even if I wasn't talking directly about his suicide and just life and all the messed up & unfair things in it. I also concentrated on doing art work (can work for whatever hobby you have) as a way to help me deal with the pain. If you don't have anyone to talk to about it, you can try contacting a clergy member or counselor. Or you can look in the phone booke for a support group or the suicide hotline number.
sorry for the long answers
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