Is this normal?
Question:
One night I had a dream that we done stuff together sexually.
I hate myself for dreaming this nasty filth. But afterwards when I'm with him, something urges me to want to do things with him. I would never hurt my cousin ever--I know the difference. But I'm going insane trying to figure out why I'm having these feelings. If I tell my parents they will hate me. I avoid my cousin a lot because these urges make me feel strange.
I have prayed and prayed for God to take this away from me but it's still there. I don't have this feeling with any other male that's why I don't understand it. I'm scared that I am sick or is it puberty setting in and my mind playing tricks?
Please someone out there help me--you can't make me feel any nastier than I already do.
Answers:
Firstly, don't let anyone tell you that these dreams mean that you're gay. You're not.
Sexual dreams are just that: DREAMS. They are not REALITY. No need to feel guilt over dreams. As long as you know the difference, you're going to be fine. The problem probably occurred when you over-thought the dream, and began to attach meaning to it.
It is important that you do not overanalyze these feelings. As an adolescent, you're going to have hard-to-explain sexual feelings on a regular basis. They don't mean that you're gay, or that you want to have sex with your cousin. They just mean that you are growing up, and that you haven't quite yet figured out how to deal with sexual feelings.
Again, no need to feel afraid or guilty. You're not gay. You're not bad or evil. You're just a growing boy who had a sexual dream and overthought it a bit.
No worries :)
~M~
You spend a lot of time with your cousin right??
It's only a dream =) You love your cousin a lot and you're probably just confusing your feelings. Telling your parents probably wouldn't be a very good idea you're right.
You've worried yourself so much about a dream that you think you want to do it! It's probably your mind making you think this.
Try not to worry about it. You're only 13, you like girls so you can't be gay =P
Hope this helps!
The thing that concerns me is that you have urges to do things with him. The dreams are not a problem, but the urges could become a problem. I think you have to talk to someone who can help. PLEASE see a councilor. You don't have to tell your parents what you want to talk about, but go to see a councilor no matter what. You have to figure out how to overcome these urges, and you probably can not overcome them on your own. If you ever act on them you will be hurting your cousin and yourself forever. Please get some help figuring things out.
I know it's just a dream, but the fact you're having urges while you're awake bothers me. I'd see a counselor. Some states, like Ohio, allow you go see one up to four times without telling your parents. However, if they determine you're a high risk for harming someone, they HAVE to report it.
Dreams aren't real and aren't usually literal. Because you had a dream about doing something doesn't necessarily mean that's what YOU want to do in real life. Dreams process our feelings. You may have had that dream exactly because you are attracted to girls, but are a little afraid to be around them. You like and enjoy your cousin. I'm guessing that the dream means that you want to have just as comfortable a relationship with a girl that you are sexually attracted to. See--the dream was just processing your feelings about being uncomfortable around girls you like. See if knowing that helps you get back to your usual self around your cousin. Also, think about how to create comfortable relationships with girls your age. That will increase your confidence with girls.
Adolescence is a time for exploring your sexuality--whatever that means for you. A lot of people think about their sexual attraction to someone of the same gender. There is nothing unusual or filthy about that. Check out www.teenwire.com for more information about sexuality. It is sponsored by Planned Parenthood.
Sweetie, as someone said, those are dreams. And for your sake, I'm going to go into a Psychology babble for you.
This has to do with psychosexual development, as said by Sigmund Freud.
Freud believed that part of a person's sexual development happened in the phallic stage, a time when children are between 6-10. Boys went through the Oedipal stage and girls, through the Electra complex.
Freud said that subconsciously, boys at this age desired to have sex with their mothers. However, they knew they could not prevail against their fathers and would take after their fathers in order to learn how to court (attract) other girls when they got older.
Girls fantasized about having sex with their fathers, SUBCONSCIOUSLY, because they believed that by doing this, they would grow a penis. And even in today's day and age, men are still looked to as superior in executive jobs and roles. At the end of the phallic stage, boys and girls would go into the latency stage, where, as young children do, have no sexual interest in anything.
I am not saying you want to have sex with your mother. Most people don't agree with Freud's theory on psychosexual development. The point of everything I just said is that:
1) Children and teenagers often have sexual dreams and then desires that they don't live up to or "actually" desire.
2) Sexuality and the subconscious is all just theory. It's unknown.
No one can say why you had the dream. Some people believe in dream interpretation. Others just believe that dreams are just. . dreams. Keep in mind that a person can have DOZENS of dreams in one sleep, but they only remember the ones that are the longest, the last dream of the night, and are in the deepest stage of sleep (REM.)
The reason you might, NOW, have "feelings" for your cousin is because you're confused about your dream. It is strange. It's uncommon and it's bothering you. But keep in mind, like this:
Have you ever seen something on TV or had a dream about, say, putting your hand on the stove? You know that it's bad. Your mother said that stoves are hot and can burn you. But there's just something in you that wants to try it anyway.
But those feelings pass. I've yet to touch a working stove. >_>
And of course, you COULD have sexual feelings for your cousin. But that's very, very, unlikely. Very.
If you want to talk, feel free to send me a mail. I've taken Psychology in school and I'm going to be a (clinical) psychologist when I get into college. One of our chapters in class was on sex and whatnot. If you don't understand anything I've said, feel free to ask me.
This could be connected to an anxiety disorder. EVERYONE has strange and disturbing dreams from time to time, including ones like yours, and they can stay with us because they are so disturbing and may leave us feeling guilty about it, even though it was just a dream and we actualy didnt do anything.
However, anxiety can lead you to work this idea up more and more until it becomes an instrusive thought that just wont go away. And then you start wondering 'is this really what I want? Perhaps it was just my subconcious feelings making themselves known?' and then, when you think that more and more you start thinking that you will do it, even though you actually feel the opposite way and it repulses you.
I'm not a psychologist but I have a close friend who had a very similar experience and eventually saw a doctor who diagnosed OCD. I'm not saying thats what you have, it probably isnt anything that serious but that sort of intrusive thought is a trait of anxiety disorders and you really should see a counsellor as they can help you get out of this unpleasant thought process by teaching you various relaxation techniques etc.
I hope you manage to work it out. xx
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