Son wants to die but is refusing treatment?
Question:
On way home he jumped out of my car while it is was moving and ran away, he was upset as i told drs that he had said he wants to die. Thankfully i have managed to get him on his phone but dont know where to go from here.
Every time i impose boundaries or give him a row for something i am scared he will do something.
Just wondered if anyone has ever had similar problem or can ofer advice.
Answers:
i was like this all through my 20's. i have scars up my arms from self harming and attempted suicide more times than i can remember. mum didn't know what to do with me. i was prescribed anti depressants, anti pyschotics, sleeping pills. i saw counsellors, pyschiatrists the whole lot. i was on recreational drugs and would keep taking more as i didn't care what happened to me. i had a stay in a hospital which managed to get me on even more medication and after one overdose, i pulled out the cannula in my arm that was giving me medicine to protect my liver and ran off from the a&e. i had no reason to feel or behave like that, i had an idyllic childhood but i felt it was something i couldn't control.
my turning point came when i hit rock bottom and was betrayed by a counsellor i was seeing. she told my employers about my drug use and they sacked me. i refused to go back to her and took myself off all my meds. i didn't sleep for nearly 2 weeks but something in me just snapped and i looked back on all the years i had wasted being miserable (i turned 30 about this time!) and decided no more. it was a decision i had to make myself and nothing my mother could have said or done could have changed anything. she tried to get me sectioned and put me in a drug rehab (which i ran away from) but in my experience those places just make you worse. i truly believe that the medical team have no idea how to treat this so they sedate and medicate you so the world no longer seems real. the meds stop you feeling depressed but they stop you feeling joy as well. i've been fine now for 6 years and have a great relationship, job and a new baby. i can't believe i was ever like that and it embarrasses me. when you're 16 you can't see further than tomorrow and the future isn't anything that concerns you. i still worry every time i get pmt or have a bad day that its coming back but i remind myself that its ok to have a bad day. i read everything i could find on depression and self harming to understand it so i could catch myself if i felt like i was going to do it. the relief you get when you see the blood flow is just a way of relieving stress and its a visible way to express how you feel inside. when i get upset now and feel like hurting myself i just think of how i'll feel after and how i'll have to hide my arms again and the shame of it. i know it will pass in a little while and i just keep holding off until i feel better.
as a mother myself i can understand what i put my mother through but the only person who can stop this is your son. its terrible to be so helpless and my mother still cries when she talks about how i was. its an awful position to be in to watch your child be so miserable and theres nothing you can do because all you ever want for your children is for them to be happy. my mother was fantastic. no matter what i did or said she was always there to pick up the pieces and i think thats all you can do. i really wish you the best of luck and my heart goes out to you both. x
I'm 27 and I feel like this too and have done since I was 8...I'm keen to see your answers.
one of the reasons your son is wanting to die is that there is no direction in his life. a nice girl or friend with a great passion for him can make him more lucky and don,t let them talk but let them do something one of the best things is to use your creativity
He wants to go has a day patient at mind,,,,hospital,,,,,,,Look up,,Mind Association,,,,on web,,,Good Luck...
What!
You need to get back to the psychiatrist and INSIST that he's sectioned until they get to the root of the problem! You're entitled to a second opinion as well!
It sounds like he badly needs some therapy/treatment - you can't be expected to live like this!
Please make a big fuss and get someone to listen to you right away.
Good Luck ♥
Each time he makes that threat call the police and his GP, he will eventually be threatened again.
Inform them that should your son harm himself [the medical professionals] their names will be front page news in every daily newspaper in the country; that'll help.
That is horrendous, the very best of luck to you.
Why does he want to die? Is he having a hard time? Does he feel like he's being controlled too much for a teenager? He might just need some space, but this is a really dangerous position in which to allow him space. Sounds silly, but have you tried talking to him about boundaries, and whether he thinks he needs more space? Refusing treatment can often be a cry for a different kind of help - I know, I've done it.
Are there are care in the community schemes where you are that you might be able to look into? I think you probably need help to care for him as much as he needs help to care for himself. Let him have access to Childline or the Samaritans without any questions asked too - he might find them useful.
Good luck.
Present to your nearest free standing psychiatric facility IMMEDIATELY. Tell them your son tried to kill himself by jumping out of a moving car (yes, use those words), that he has a history of depression, a recent hospitalization, and that you are wholly convinced that he will follow through with suicide if he is not admitted in patient. They will admit him. No "sectioning" required. He is a minor. YOU get to make the decisions about his treatment (not him).
Go NOW.
If he will not get in the car, call the police and have them transport him there.
There is no psych facility in the nation that will refuse to admit an actively suicidal adolescent. The only foreseeable snag would be insurance. Even if you are completely uninsured, you son will be transferred to a state facility.
There is NO TIME TO WASTE. Do it RIGHT NOW.
Best of luck,
~M~
He needs a befriender. Contact Mind or Rethink, his G.P. can refer him as well.
There is no point in counselling or medication if he doesn't have a positive attitude about it. It can make the problem worse.
If he can be responsible for something, a small pet or a plant, it may help give him some meaning.
You should try and agree boundaries not impose them and if he does something wrong, don't deal with it immediatly, pick a good time to discuss it and then you won't have a row.
You might want to give him the number for Childline, so he can discus any private issues that he may have.
I remember a time when my parents were taking me to the hospital and I wanted to jump out of the car. It was mainly because they didnt understand why I wanted to kill myself. What they didnt realize was that I was feeling very alone and all they could see was that I wanted to off myself. They forgot that there was a human being aching so much that they would want to end things. Someone needs to reach your son. If you cant do it some counselor must. He has to make the choice to ask for help but the most crucial part is for someone to understand him and to respect him. If you dont give him any choices he will run away and he will continually want to hurt himself. Give him a voice and listen.
he's an EMO !!!!
your son is obviously very disturbed and still needs help, the main thing is u don't blame him, i know yr patience is tested to the max, but depression is an illness u don't understand until u have been there.
your son is still very ill and clearly still needs his meds, i would keep banging on doors, until someone hears. Mental health is a hard place to get help, i know from experience, but he is in no fit state to help himself, so its up 2 u not to give up, write to yr mp if no-one will listen, they will get things going, as i had to do same,
i wish u all the luck, as i know how frustrating this can be, but he is ill and needs as much help as possible.
He's got you on the run - who's in charge? He is taking advantage of your fear to get his own way. Clearly doesn't want to die otherwise he would not have been upset you told the doctors.
I'm sorry to hear this is happening. You have my sympathies.
get him back to hospital and insist they help!! good luck!! xxx
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