How do I help my Grandfather? And myself?
Question:
He is not disabled nor is he afflected by common elderly problems. But for the past fifty year my "nana" has done it all.
I have been staying with him since her passing. I find he is treating me like her (i'm a guy). I can't leave the house or do anything on my own. I do everything for him. He sits in fornt of the tv from 8 in the morning till he goes to sleep. Am I hurting him by doing all this? We live in a gated retirement community.
And now I'm starting to feel like a senour.(i'm 28) What can I do to feel my age again? please help.
Answers:
He is just like a child. Your nana did indeed do a great injustice to your grandfather by doing everything for him. without realizing it. That is not good as you can see.
You are going to have to teach him just like a child you are raising. Teach him how to wash clothes,( my son was 7 when he learned), cook, get him a simple as possible cookbook, maybe one written for a child. I saw some at Barnes and Noble in the kid section. The recipes looked good to me. Teach him how to use pots and pans and the safety around using a stove.
Start him out with dusting TURN OFF THE TV, JUST LIKE A CHILD, BUT HE ISN'T! Turn on a radio.
If he has a yard get a rake and rake = exercise he needs.
Make a list of chores if he can't remember and as he does them he can make them off.
Go to the store for him, but take him with you. Teach him how to buy groceries using a list, then shop for items using the recipes in the book and to buy only those things. He will also need to learn the store layout.
Maybe if he gets to a accelerated point he can learn how to drive, depending if he has some condition which holds him back from doing so.
Getting him away from the TV is going to be the hardest thing.
I don't know how old he is, but shaving for him?
Teach him that too. If he bucks the idea, shave your own face in front of him. Tell him "this is a man's job Grandpa". Make is sound "big" and praise him for every good job he does, that will make him want to continue to do for himself.
Good luck. Sorry to hear about losing your nana.
contact the county and see if they visiting nurse aids or if there are senior programs available. the only way to deal with this is to tell him you aren't nana and you need to have a life.
I think you should get him involved in some activities there with other seniors. You could also explain to him that you want to help him to be self sufficient and so you want to show him how to do some of the things you are doing. I don't think it is a good thing for him to sit in front of the tv all day. He has things he can contribute--even his company to other people. He should definitely be getting outside some of the time, too, for a walk, and you need to have a life that includes him, but also doing other things, too.
Yes, you're hurting him. If he has none of the "old age maladies" then he needs to take care of himself. If he can't then he needs to be put in a progressive care facility that can take care of him, cook for him, clean his room and even shave him if he is incapable of doing it himself. Your grandmother is the one who did this to him by doing everything for him for no reason.
So get out of there. Make him have to do these things for himself. He's a big boy.
good advice contact social services or some senior out reach program - you need a break.
You say he is not affected by common elderly problems and if he watches TV for 8am until bedtime. That should leave you with many hours to have a "normal" life. Go out and enjoy yourself. You can always phone to check up on him. If you must you could invite both male and female friends over at times. I dont see the need to be at his side 24/7. If you're that concerned about him dont venture away too far but you need to have a life of your own. Its not healthy for a person your age to be couped up all day every day. Best of luck to you.
Call meals on wheels or whatever similar services. If he has money there are paid 'angel' services that will come in and help.
It sounds to me like the guy was pampered all his life and now needs to learn that he can no longer get his way. What we do for love amazes me!
Tell him you care, but get out of that house or he will cripple you too.
What a wonderful grandson you are. You need to try to get granddad involved in some senior activities, try a senior center or try your counties division on aging. He is likely depressed too, missing his wife of fifty years, so it may take him some time to come back to the present. Does he have the funds to hire someone to come in once in a while to relieve you or help with household chores? Do you have any other relatives that could come in to help out, or perhaps he could visit someone for a week or two at a time to relieve you of the stress you are feeling. Since you have been staying with him for a while now, it make take a few weeks/months to get him to start doing things on your own, but if he is still a healthy man, it can be done.
Where is the rest of your family? I know the love of a grandparent goes deep and you don't want to hurt his feelings. But frankly, you're going to have to talk to him openly and honestly. Look into programs for the elderly, like "meals on wheels" in your community. This program will deliver hot lunches and dinners mon thru fri. There are also elderly daycare programs, where he can meet other seniors and do activities. But most important is getting him to understand that you are single and that you still have to live your life. Get your parent that is his child involved in the conversation. You need someone to help you. Chances are you might get resistance from his children, that they are "too busy." But inform them that they are still his children, and he did care for them and now it is their turn. Good luck.
Get the Yellow Pages & go through it to find a
Council on ageing. There should be a Senior Day Care [a place where he can go to be with others his age and do things he likes] so you can pick up your life. I'm sure your Nanna did what she did because she loved him.She didn't visulize the end results of her actions.If your community has a Council on Ageing they may have more than one program.
I work in a Nursing Home and see this kind of thing going on in more ways than one.
Good luck in your endevers,Bless you and Grandpa ...
More Questions & Answers...