How do i get my girlfreind to stop cutting?
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Hi, I suffered a bad experience about 6 years ago and had a nervous breakdown. During this period I started self harming as a release.
You don't say why she feels the need to cut herself but if I explain why I did it and how I was helped it may be of some use to you.
During my nervous breakdown I would 'zone out' and basically start reliving the trauma. I would cut myself to bring me back to reality and stop the visions and voices.
If like I did your girlfriend uses self harming to return her focus then I was shown many ways of lesser pain techniques that didn't involve serious harm. Such as wearing an elastic band round your wrist and snapping against your skin when you feel the urge.
This only something your girlfriend can try when she feels ready.
My advice to you is this (and it is from a leaflet my counsellor gave to my partner)
1. Try your best to accept an open attitude to self-injury. If you can, try to make him, or her, feel safe discussing the topic with you, and accepted by you regardless of the self-injury. Very many people who self injure have problems with low self worth, and many are even disgusted with their own self-injury behaviour. It also helps if you try not to pay more attention to the self-injury behaviour than you do to the many healthier things that this person does.
2. Recognize that the person is likely to be severely distressed and recognize their inability to stop hurting themselves. It is important not to become angry at the person for their self harm behaviours, as all this is likely to do is reinforce the discouragement and self disgust that they already feel. If the person could just stop the self-injury behaviour then he/she would.
3. Do not minimize the extent of the distress the person is in with remarks such as "you can not be that upset", "its not that bad" or "you said you would not do that again", regardless of how minor the cause of the stress may appear to you. Recognize that the person is under a lot of stress, and let them know that if there is anything you can do to help reduce the stress that you will try your best to do so.
4. Do not make the person feel more shame for failed attempts at controlling their self-injury. Praise any success in their managing to delay the act of self-injury. Such a delay is a positive sign that they are trying to regain control of their behaviour, and they deserve to feel proud of that.
5. If the person is in immediate danger of cutting, or other moderate / superficial self injury, then stay with them until the impulse passes, or encourage him, or her, not to be alone. Very few people who self-injure do so when other people are around. Physical contact such as a hug, or hand holding, can sometimes be helpful, if the relationship is appropriate, and the level of trust is sufficient.
6. If the person is not already doing so then encourage them to find a therapist that meets their needs, or to try a self-injury support group if one exists. Within your area. It is preferable that the therapist has a knowledge of, and experience with a repetitive self-injury.
7. Self-injury is extremely anxiety-provoking frustrating and stressful thing for all those involved. Realize that you yourself may need support, from a counsellor or therapist.
Basically you need to be supportive of her, this is obviousley a very difficult time for her and she needs help to get through it.
I am no expert and would strongly advise that she seeks proffessional help in conquering this. I have not self harmed for over 4 years now and when (as still occasionally happens) i feel myself sinking I have the ability to recognise it and put the coping strategies i was taught in therapy into place.
I am extremely grateful to my partner for her support, and to the proffessionals that helped through.
I am sorry if this still leaves you feeling helpless but all you can do is be supportive and not get annoyed with her.
Good luck and my best wishes to you both. I know how difficult it is and my partner suffered almost as much as I was.
I have included some links that may be helpful.
probably not something you can handle on your own- is there an adult who can help out
Get her to see a professional... psychiatrist or psychologist. They can help her with the WHY behind her destructive behavior and help her work through it.
keep her busy to get her mind off of it. have her take on a hobby, it's a compulsive disorder so if you take her mind off of it it should be a bit easier, time will do the rest.
But at some point if she starts cutting and blames it on you tell the school psychiatrist/councellor don't let her play with you like that. seen it done to someone, not fun.
You can't get her to stop. The only person who can get her to stop is herself. You are not responsible for your girlfriend's desires to cut herself. Just let her know you care about her, that you don't want to see her doing this to herself and drop the subject. She'll talk when she needs to. There is nothing more annoying than someone who can't stop talking about your problems. Talking excessively about problems isn't good.
Having the urge to cut oneself, but not acting on this urge isn't a problem. When she tells you this, she's telling you that she is feeling 'bad' and wants you to listen. Listen.
It may be a good idea to suggest she see a professional, but it's not always needed to quit the behavior. I used to do it and quit on my own.
3 steps
1. If you feel the need to, take her or talk to a pysaichiatrist (Im gr8 speller)
2. See her progress, give her a week or two.
3. If she still needs to cut she shouldnt be your girlfriend
good luck with the situation, i myself know people who do those things and those people arent my friends. l8r, and if you want more help, feel free to email me at
clippersrockmysox@yahoo.com
:)
This is not something that can be dealt with with out professional help. There are deep psychological reasons that people hurt themselves and the way to deal with those reasons are with a professional that has experience dealing with this issue. The girl may not herself be aware of the reasons that she does what she does. She will need help to deal with this problem, help her to find help and make sure that she knows that you will be there for her as she deal with this situation.
you cant make her stop.
i used to cut.
and the last thing i needed was for someone to bother me with annoying people!.
but what you can do is tell her that there are other things to do
and tell her that she means the world to you!
..and if things continue then tell someone who can help her.
It's a disorder that can be stopped. My sister did that to get attention. Talk to her...each time she feels like doing it, get her to do something else. It's like conditioning.
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