How can I end this friendship or should I end it at all?


Question:
I've known Dan* for about 5 years.I honestly wanted to be a good friend to him just out of trying to be good-hearted, but now it's becoming harder and harder to be his friend. I hadn't seen Dan much since he graduated from HS in 2004, but I have seen him a few times this summer at grad parties and such. Every time I see him he becomes like more and more obsessed with me. I know this sounds weird, but it creeps me out. I try to limit my contact with him, but he'll send me text messages that are desperate cries for help and I'll respond out of honest concern. But the problem he has is never as bad as he acts like it is. So it just makes it seem like he's just doing it for attention. Just yesterday, he text me 10 times saying he needs a huge favor, sucks at life, and then when I didn't respond he told me I put him in a horrible mood and he sent me 8 email messages. I feel bad that he is having a rough time, but he is driving me INSANE...

Answers:
Well he has a history of mental problems and in a sense he is harassing you. He has become infatuated and fixated on you. I am sorry! It would be advisable to stop being friend and stop all contact with him for your safety. I mean I do not want to turn on Fox News and see where another woman has gone missing. If you do have contact with him in the future do so in a public place and make sure you all remain where people can see you. He knows where you live, that's not very good. I would just not respond to him for a day or so and see if by some chance he calms down and leaves you alone. If he shows up at your home do not answer the door. If you talk to him and he asks why you didn't say you were out with friends. Then tell him you would like it if he no longer would contact you. Say it in a nice way but firm and serious. If he starts showing up at your home you should get an EPO. Then if he continues do not tell him you are calling the police, just do it. He may be off his meds, he may need to see a psychiatrist. That however is not your problem or responsibility. If he knows where you work, he could show up there, so watch out. Do not go out to your car late at night after work unless you have someone else with you. This is all I know of to tell you to do, oh yeah and get a can of mace for your key chain and make sure you know how to use it. I am sorry to hear this, but ending the "friendship" is the best and safest thing for you to do. Be careful and good luck. :)
I definitely think you need to end that friendship as soon as possible. If you don't, he risks putting you in danger because he can't control himself and his jealousy. If he's had problems with schizophrenia and bipolarity, then you should suggest/take him to a doctor to get treatment.

I'd suggest a restraining order aswell.
Hello daisy girl,
First, this guys issues are HIS responsibility.
You have done more than what a friend does, more like as much as his partner might be reasonably expected to face.
Time to pull the pin.
Why should you suffer when you have presented a caring, supporting hand? exactly..
I unfortunately had a situation in Queensland with the wife of a work colleague. Coming around, drive-bys, phone calls, gifts, you get the drum.
They lived close too so I dropped over unannounced and uninvited one evening when I guessed they were both in.
I explained what she was doing to me to him, and then in the next breath, explained to her what she caused me to feel, how uncomfortable I was working with my work colleague etc
I told them both to focus on each other for their solutions and left.
An easier version could be you visit his folks and explain that you tried to help but you aren't a counsellor. You want them to seek help for him and basically stop dumping his load on your shoulders.
You need to stop feeling sorry for this guy and drop the friendship. He sounds obsessed and controlling, and for no reason. After all, you are not in a relationship. This guy could be a stalker. And that is scary. If it becomes bad enough, you may have to think about a restraining order. Stop responding to him, don't answer. Every time you answer because you feel bad for him you fuel his desires to contact you; he's getting what he wants. And if he has already had mental issues, you need to be really careful with this one. You might seek professional advice from someone.Maybe ask the police what you can do if someone is stalking you, for instance, so you know your rights etc. But of course, it may easily be resolved by leaving it alone. That said, do; Leave it alone. Drop the guy. It sounds scary.
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