How can i stop being so obsessive and falling in love quickly?
Question:
i have been hurt in the past by ex's and babys momma and i kinda have abandenment issues with people leaving me and walking out of my life...any advise?
Answers:
I always fell in love easily. I don't think you have any control over who you find attractive or who you find so very attractive both physically and personally that you'd spend all your time with her if you could, just as some of us would eat everything that tastes good and stay up all night having fun if there weren't negative consequences to that.
Where you do have some control is over what you do with such feelings. It's like thinking some celebrity is the ideal person in the world for you, but then what? It wouldn't be healthy to get carried away with fantasies about that. It also doesn't pay to get carried away with fantasies about people you know personally. Just because I have it in me to love someone, if she justs want to use me or doesn't care about me at all, the end result is not love, but codependency or an unrequited love that has reality only in my head. Neither one is good for me. Love wants what's best for someone else, and if I'm not anything good for that other person, regardless of how good I might be if she loved me back, then what's best is to let her move on to something she wants. That's one thing to focus on.
Another thing to focus on is what are you going to do with your life besides love women? It's just like what are you going to do with your life besides eat, sleep, have fun, whatever. You need a goal that doesn't have such negative consequences if you give it your all, like something academic or a career or art. Sometimes those can be much better girlfriends than actual women are. But then some woman comes along with an attractive shape, an engaging personality, an active mind and wants something from me. Nothing else can compete with a woman like that, not for me.
I grew up so much from when I was awkward with girls as a teenager to when I had a career working with people in my twenties. Women were much more interested in me in my twenties, even though I loved them just as much in my twenties as in my teens. The difference was that I had grown up in the rest of my life. I didn't need to act on my romantic love. I had other things to do if a romance didn't look promising.
Then all of a sudden I fell in love with a woman at the same time she fell in love with me, or even after she did. I got married at 24. We had two smart, attractive daughters who are now in their twenties. Of course then I learned about what else a relationship needs besides love. Life keeps throwing new problems at us. But you don't learn about that until you have an actual, mutual relationship.
I'd work on the rest of your life besides love. Falling in love easily is only a problem if that's all you have that means anything to you.
Learn how to be alone first. be ok w/yourself.
there are 4 different types of love. and i forget how to spell these words because they are greek lol but i will do my best. aross is the first one. its the root word of erotic and its basically the conditional love. meaning, you love them one minute and then the next you dont for some reason. and it also means you get into the relationship because of looks and outward character and appearance. but once you get to know them, or they change something about their looks, you dont really like them anymore. the other two are like family love, and friend love. i forget the greek word for that haha. but then there is agape love. its unconditional. that is when you love somebody no matter what. if they get sick, you love them. if they get a terrible haircut, you love them. and if they choose not do have sex, you love them. that is pretty much the biggest thing right there. if you can be in a relationship without having sex, and still love them so much, then you know that your in love. respect your partner and love them always.and dont get yourself into bad relationships. it may not be the girls that are the problems either, it could be you. if you act a certain way and treat girls a certain way that isn't good, then you might be attracting the wrong kind of girls. try this, dont go out with a girl because of her looks, be her friend, and get to know her first, and then if you really like her, give it a shot. i hope i have helped. :) and remember this, love is PATIENT and KIND and never spiteful. and love never boasts or gets jealous.
I think what you need to do is find a pastime. Something to get your focus off of relationships. I think you should make yourself realize that life isn't all about love. Believe me I have been in your shoes. I know from a woman's standpoint, we like a little bit of a chase. So even when you are interested, don't show it. At least not at first. Let love find you, don't go looking for it. Heartbreaks are definitely no fun at all, so take your time. The next time you feel yourself falling fast, take a second to breath and evaluate what you are doing. Remind yourself of what heart beak feels like. Don't rush.
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