Do you have any suggestions I havent already heard? Read completely...?
Question:
heres the full list
Pros:
- get out of debt.
- releave my constant deppression
- get out of being used all the time
- avoid being a complete failure (im about to be fired)
- get much more respect dead than alive
- I hate myself
Cons:
- parrents (who already lost a 19 year old daughter) would be shattered.
- the beyond is unknown
- I have many friends who (i believe) love me a lot and this would haunt them forever.
If I kept on living, i would be living because my friends and family...NOT because I want to keep living. I've had deppression since 3rd grade and the first time I attempted was 6th grade. Im very tired of living like this.
I dont want to kill myself, but i fear this is the time.
- John
Answers:
You are right. You do not want to die. You just want the pain to end and you don't know how to do that. Neither did I.
I have been in therapy for 9+ years. It is the best thing I have done. Yes, I see a psychiatrist for meds but I'm, down to two instead of about seven.
I was drinking very heavily and so depressed I could barely get out of bed. All I could see was a black tunnel, no light, no hope, no end. My therapist (and my kids) went through some very difficult times but because of him I am alive today.
I will be the first one to admit that it is not easy getting well, but it is worth the effort. If I had succeeded in one of my several attempts, I would not know my granddaughter and would have missed so many other things with my kids.
My sister-in-law once asked me, "Isn't suicide a selfish thing to do"?
I said no. People who see the only way of escaping the pain they are in is in death, are not rational. They are not responsible for what they do. If someone hasn't felt the depth of hopelessness that a suicidal person feels, they cannot possibly understand.
I hope I have given you something to think about and please strongly consider seeing a clinical psychologist.
Been there.
Damn What a problem Your in. Your right your family&friends would be shatterd.what i think you need to do is start fresh!
get some help try going to college or university making some new friends jump into new courses maybe even move house! start having a good time!
Good Luckk x
Hi John=you aren't a complete failure =telling us about yourself proves you want to live
if it's a big debt=claim bankruptcy
test the waters before doing or giving someone things
think more positively about yourself
no-one gets respect when they are dead ,think positive about yourself
list all the good things about yourself
Your parents love you unconditionally
the beyond will take care of itself ,if you are a Christian
your friends are a great reason for hanging around
you should just take in one day at a time and be positive about what you do and who you see and enjoy it
more cons-
wen u think about it its really really selfish
u wouldn't get to yell at ur boss "I QUIT!" before he fires u
if u believe in god and in sin u'd go to hell because suicide is
-supposed to be a sin
if u commit suicide its just running away from ur problem not facng them like a man
no one needs to die there's always someone u can go talk or a way to escape other than death
u wont get to do so many things
wen a person dies u may not be forgoten but most of the time people will lear to live w/out u u'll get a few weeks of mourn in ur name but life will still go on with out u
John, have you ever tried to help someone or something else in a worse situation that what you precieve you are in? Getting fired from work could be just a door opening for you, its certainly not the end all you see it as. I've been fired a few times myself, and although it does suck for a few days, it also gives you a fresh start. You are no longer in a position to hold back from unlimited opportunities. Maybe you could find a shelter, volunteer to help with them. There are plenty animal shelters that need your help. Even if you don't get paid for it right away, spending some time helping with dogs, cats, that weren't given a real chance in their lives, maybe this can get you on a different line of thinking. They don't judge, use, or take advantage of you, they will give you unconditional love in return for your helping them. Your friends and family do want you around, and no, there is no respect when your dead. You know better, and i'm sure of it, or else you wouldn't have come here in the first place. You do count and you can help. BTW, EVERYONE is in debt, buts its only money, and its only a temporary problem.
the pro to get out of debt doesnt make sence...why would you care if you had debt or not when you are dead.
anyway john.hmm. i felt like this last year - failing marriage,was stck in a new country away from my family and knowing anyone. couldnt work as of visa restrictions, so getting in more debt.
but instead of blaming everyone and hating myself as i had done...i realized that was just self pity, it wasnt taking responcibility for anyof it..just random 'im ****, the world's bad'.
well there is a reason you are depressed. find out what that is. (medication is probably not the way...as you need to be clear headed for all this).
you are responcible for being a failure and for being used. accept this and deal with it. (but how a failure can have lots of friends and family that love him makes me question how much of a failure you really are).
Take some time off from your job, take an interest in your family, think about what you want to do with yourself. the debt.you can get it broken down to manageable amounts, or declare yourself bankrupt (go see an expert).
Is it anywonder you are depressed when you think like this all the time, its compleately self defeating?
all the best john
martin
You sound like you have given up. You wrote on your pro list that you are tired of being used. If some one did you wrong, don't stay there and move on... no wonder your depressed. You're feeling SORRY FOR your self. Is this a way of getting attention (love) If someone victomized you, don't victomize yourself twice by dwelling over what happend to you. FIGHT IT OFF! move on. If someone did you wrong then they don't deserve your attention or friendship. It's a sign to find other friends. If it is a family member, just stay away. Another reason is getting out of debt. Your not taking responsibility for your actions. If you got in to dept then do the right thing and pay up. You say you are constantly depressed, my question would be "why?" Depression is a symptom of an unsolved proble. I say you can solve your problem if you really look . Try to investigate how you got to the point to where you got. I believe that being depressed is a choice. Being depressed means you cannot accept a terrible situation or event that happened to you. If you can't, ASK GOD to help. Tell him exactly how you feel. Or just put yourself in his hands but at the same time tell him to guide you. He will help.just believe without expecting to recieve. That is the true faith. You also say your getting fired, why would that be? What happened? If you did something then expect consequences. That's how life works. You say you,ve been depressed since 3rd grade, Why? and what happened in your childhood that took you down that road!!???All of these questions are important for you to answer. Figure this out. Maybe you don't remember anymore. But the effects of it still remain. An Adult in your life must have done you wrong or treated you a certain way that made you believe the worst of yourself. Don't let those IGNORANT ADULTS run your life or let them tell you who you are. Maybe your parents used negative discipline (spanking, cussing, yelling, mental, physical abuse, neglect , labeling) or the caregivers in charge of you. I'm not trying to blame or point fingers because its not about that its about UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPEND AND HOW TO STOP THE VICIOUSE CYCLE. I don't know everything about your life I can only speculate. But its up to you to find the answers and obviously you care because you wrote your question online. Deep down you want to get out of this. I can't tell you what to do all I can do is tell you that if you do it, its a big sin against yourself. I'm Catholic and we believe that if you kill yourself YOU are condemed to hell. Imagine all those devils chewing on you and all that fire burning all over you. It will be dark , scary and painful that you will wish you hadn't killed yourself. The pain of being in hell (the unknown) will be greater than the pain you are feeling now. Once your dead, there is no turning back...How do I know what hell looks like? There are actual documentations within the Catholic church of saints that have had vissions of what hell is like. Do your own research. I do know that the devil excist and he tries to get people to break The Ten Commandments of God so they will sin, die and go to hell. I also hear you saying that you have a family that loves you and friends that care about you. Thats great!!!Than you know your loved !!!! And worst case sinario if you haven't yet encountered people that love you or care about you (Because there is good people out there) than you can be sure that God ALWAYS LOVED YOU !!! even before you existed. You haven't mentioned any visits to the doctor to rule out any thing physical. If you havn't gone I would say go. May be you have a chemical imbalance that can be balanced with medication. By the way your letter only mentions you you, you, you or I, I, I, I. maybe life is telling you its time to give. volunteer your time in the community (with out expecting anything back , not even a thank you.) Do it because you want to serve and help and make a differece. when you have tried to give back let me know how it worked for you...In the mean time I will Pray my little heart out for you. take care and hope you make the right choice.
John,,,,not sure what advice you heard before but from my own personal experience I can relate to all of the "Pro's" you have listed. My list was a little longer and I didn't really have a list of "cons". I tried to commit suicide (I took an enormous amount of xanax that I had stockpiled and washed them down with rum and coke). When I woke up in intensive care I was really pissed off. I couldn't believe that I had failed. I spent 30 days in a psych facility taking anti-depressants. Believe it or not I came out stronger and once I got the depression under control I got a new job and got out of debt. I went to court and fought to get back the things that had been taken from me (and I won). I stopped letting people "use" me all the time and stopped being a doormat. I started to get more respect from people and ignored those who didn't give me what I felt I was entitled to. I stopped hating myself and realized that I had not been fair by refusing to get treatment for so many years. I regret all of the things I missed in life due to my untreated depression. If you are interested in my story you can go to Yahoo Search under "The Last Temptation of George Petrie". It tells my pitiful story about how depression almost ruined my life.
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