When I am in any kind of distress, my best friend just shuts down.?
Question:
Answers:
To be her best friend, you need to tell her that exactly as you did here, except she needs to hear it with an even tone, not a threatening one, or she might lash out again! You might help prepare her for this by first framing your intentions about saying this to her. You might say, "... I care for you a lot... so, I hope I will be able to say this to you, without you feeling like I'm judging you or accusing you ... we have a long history in our friendship, and I feel that as friends we ought to be able to talk about even and esp things that hurt, but not harm ... are you prepared to hear me out?"
If she breaks down and cries after you've finished, pls don't fix any problem yet. All these years of holding stuff inside, she is only discharging emotional energy. No one can think really 'objectively, under this condition. Just be with her. There will be another time when she will reprocess what you've said and come up with some measures to cope or find some way to address her issues.
I wish you well.
r u sure your comming at her the right way? i mean bipolar shpipolar...theres a reason why she shuts down.. maybe she dosnt care??
If she is truly bipolar, then you have some obstacles to climb.. If she is not getting any counseling or perhaps even some meds to level off the highs and lows, then you should try and get her into a help program. I, personally have found that trying to debate with someone like this is frustrating and most likely gets bitter and angers flare out of control. A thing that I have found somewhat successful is to make your case to her in writing. When physically confronted with a matter they cannot handle or deal with, they quickly become agitated and will strike back. But when they can read something on their own terms and in their own space, without be forced to make a decision or commitment, they can better understand the others problems and issues. Send her an e-mail or letter sharing your need for her support and caring. Reading, rather than just hearing someone that you want to shut off, becomes easier for her to deal with.
Good luck,
Buzzy
If she has bipolar disorder, she has lower stress tolerance. When she sees you in distress, she probably feels powerless and that comes out in anger. Same reason she has little tolerance for others' anger.
You will have to talk about this with her and reassure her that your distress does not demand a 'fix' from her, just an ear.
Also, be specific about what you need from her at the time.
Like, " I am really feeling anxious right now, and it would feel good to me if you could just hold me" I don't expect for you to fix this, and I don't want you to feel responsible for my feelings.
Hope this helps,
Karen
Boy, that sounds like how my husband acts. It gets old, doesn't it?
More Questions & Answers...