Guilt for not being productive?
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As a counselor, I can tell you that this is actually quite common and fixable. In fact, I myself have had it! The above responses are all true: permission to relax and give your mind a break is what you need. However, that's often more easily said than done. So give youself some peace by reading this more thorough approach to the issue.
May I first say that it's important how you look at the issue: otherwise you might end up feeling guilty for feeling guilty! There's no need to feel bad, however. Quite simply, you have trained yourself to feel this way. Just as touching a hot stove trains us not to do it again, so too do we train ourselves to fulfil our responsibilities and tasks. Under normal circumstances, this is a good thing: without some degree of prompting, we'd all just sit around all day and never be productive. We haven't spoken in-person, but to me, it sounds like you NEED some rest, some downtime, some peace, and you're badly wanting to take it. In order to keep yourself responsible, however, you have trained yourself to feel guilty for taking that time. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I bet you've have set up a system of "shoulds" (I should be doing something productive right now, I know I have things that I should be doing, etc.). The problem, however, is that when you get so used to operating in this very stressed-out manner (stress being the key word), you can't just shut it off like you would a faucet. Sadly, we just don't work that way.
One last way of looking at it. Think of a soldier who has spent years in a war zone: they train themselves to constantly be on the lookout, constantly be thinking, never letting their guard down, etc. This doesn't end when they come home, much to the tragedy of their families. In the same way, many of us in today's society are in a warzone of our own: we have LOTS of deadlines, tasks to organize, and a million small things to do with few structured reminders to organize it for us. If we don't find ways to set up boundaries (work time, rest time, happiness time, etc.), we WILL go nuts. That's just normal.
So first what you WANT to do is evaluate you load and then respond accordingly. I will provide a simple way of doing this here. This is part of the path to truly opening yourself up to the peace inside.
1) Let yourself answer the following question: Are you a perfectionist? You don't have to have the exact answer right now, but just let yourself consider how you approach tasks for a couple minutes. When you do things for work/school, how far do you go? How far do you feel you SHOULD go? Do you see it as a requirement to do your absolute best? If you do, then that's a HUGE part of your problem: you push yourself far harder than is fair to yourself. That is putting large weights on your shoulders, and anyone would feel overburdened in that circumstance. So if you are a bit perfectionistic, give yourself the peace by knowing that it's ok (even good for you!) to do "good enough" sometimes. In those cases, don't feel guilty: feel glad! Feel glad that you're doing something good for yourself, stepping up and having the courage to do what you need to do.
2) Take some time to sit down and make a list of all the things that are stressing you out. [NOTE: If you have extinuating circumstances, eg, a health problem or a bunch of things just going wrong in life, then this may not apply. In that case, I would probably just go find a "Cognitive-Behavioral" Counseling Psychologist who helps tons of people (just normal people) deal with these same stressors. It's not weak to seek that out; it's smart!] Anyway, as you make this list, please think of it this way: Instead of feeling guilty (your OLD method of controlling this stuff), you're starting a NEW method of taking control of the chaos of life. This new method will be one where you learn to plan what you have to do, let go of what you don't, and schedule peace and restful time in for yourself. Next, try to sort out the little things from the big ones. Then, go knock off a bunch of the little thigns from your list. Also, if you have simply too much on your list, decide to cross some off and forget about them! The key here, however, is to schedule things and then let go of them. Now, you don't have to be perfect here either: but the idea is to let yourself get out all the things that have been on your mind. Let yourself deal with them. Stressed about something? Get it out and then allow yourself to come to a decision. You'll be amazed how much lighter your shoulders feel when you're resting.
For the big items, try and make a plan. If you're not sure what you have to do (eg, a big project but you don't know even what you have to do), then take the time to find out. Sit down with a calendar, make a plan, and then forget it until the time comes to work on it. In fact, once you get it down on your calendar, let yourself forget everything until you have to actually do them.
Most importantly at this step, take some time each week (shoot for a whole day, but if you're really burnt out, then go for a weekend) to plan rest. I like to take saturday as a day to get things done (car maintenance, cleaning, laundary, etc.) and then Sunday as a day with no responsibilities. The key here is this: you're (probably; I can't say for sure because I haven't seen you) doing too much, and as a result, the things you have to do are seeping into every aspect of your life, preventing you from getting rest. So if you plan when you will do things and when you will rest (and seriously, give yourself a day, or get stuff done early in the day so there's nothing hovering over your head), then you can let go of that anxiety and stress and just begin to actually enjoy the peace of resting.
So that's what I would do. The key here is that you're just worrying because you've learned to control your life that way. That may be a good, normal response in moderation, but it sounds to me like you've probably overworked yourself and taken on too much at some point (past or current), and you've learned this way of coping that's come back to hurt you. Also, when new commitments come along, learn the joy of saying "no" and beginning to think of taking care of yourself. Love yourself, take care of yourself, and begin to set good boundaries for yourself. That doesn't mean ignoring things alltogether; that means finding balance.
I hope this helps,
all the best,
Tom
It sounds like your mind cant switch off from your work.You need time to relax and try not to thing about work etc.Everyone deserves a little rest. :)
this happens to a lot of people. an interesting book that addresses this phenomenon is called "the power of now" by eckhart tolle. he actually will teach you how to get over this as well as other ailments of the midn and teach you how to just be able to sit in absolute peace without worry or anxiety or guilt about whatever it is your not doing. and your right, its not healthy at all. the main thing is you have to retrain your brain to be quiet in that moment of relaxation and perhaps try to think of more peaceful things. take deep breaths and concentrate on being aware of your very presence...your heartbeat, breaths, the way the air feels flowing across your skin...things like that. i suggest that book though. its really great!
Yes. And I don't know how to resolve it.
Give yourself permission to relax, its OK, it doest"t mean you are lax, tell you self its OK to take it easy , you deserve a break from work.
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