Question for those that have or know someone with Borderline Per. Disorder?

Question:

I'm trying to get a hold of what happened in my marriage. My wife had classic symptoms of borderline personality disorder. She made me insecure and doubting myself. She left about 3 months ago. We've only had talks through lawyers. I tried to get her back but she just said she had been through too much. This was a woman who said she wouldn't know what to do without me, loved me to death, and now she just doesn't seem to care. Such an incredible shift. I thought they were afraid of being abandoned? She abandoned the relationship and I haven't heard a word. I know how she is though. she would panic if she thought she was losing me. Now doesn't seem like she cares. It's a very strange disorder and it was passed down to her from her mother. Now she's on a rampage to prove it was all my fault. I want to contact her and tell her I love her still but given her illness and legal stuff, I don't know that I can trust her. How should I handle her now that she is gone and mentally ill?

Answers:
You need not handle her at all if it really is borderline then I am sure you have read that we go from one extreme to the other so that we can love adore someone and then its gone and we hate you. This is not to say that a relationship can't work as I have been with my hubby a long time and we are happy most of the time. let her have her rampage and let it all go over your head. if right now she does not want you, then you must get on with your life and no longer let her effect it. If there is children involved I know this is going to be real hard as she is then always apart of your life but you can see your kids with out seeing her. If she knows she is hurting you then that is what she wants, she wants you to feel the pain she is feeling. good luck take care

My wife was BPD, leave her alone. There undortunately is no hope. She will come back, and leave, come back and leave. It is a vicious cycle.
Get the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. It is the best book about BPD, and dealing with them.

my mother has BPD. she has been in and out of many relationships in her life, most end with a POW! it's kind of like, once you "betray" them, it takes forever to get the "trust" back. BPD's do not think the way you and i do, it's almost like there is no reasoning with them. they are afraid of abandonment, but will abandon someone to avoid being abandoned, which makes no sense.

you can try to get her to do DBT therapy, which may help, that is if she will talk to you. perhaps you can talk to her family, and they may be able to help you out with getting her treatment.

Unfortunately those with BPD don't see what they are doing to themselves and to those around them. As much as you love her, you need to seek help from a counselor. If you are living in the US you should be able to find someone who recognizes BPD as a disorder. If you are in the UK, many mental health trust do not recognize it. The counselor will be able to guide you in dealing with your wife's BPD.

If you love her like you say you do and feel that divorce is too sudden then ask for separation and get a mediator to arrange sessions in where you can discuss the issues of your marriage and her BPD.

I will suggest, don't press her too much about it. Just do it as subtle as possible. If you contact her on a constant basis she will have some grounds in stating that your harassing her. She will come around in due course.

I wish you all the best, I have worked with people with BPD and it is hard uphill battle.

PS don't ever think it is your fault! As you stated this is inherited and don't let her make you feel that it is your fault.

Hmmm.I answered this question before.

See your other questions for my response.

belive your better of leaving her to it unless she is a danger to herself or others but she will come round evetually, i have bpd and drive my hubby nuts iam so scared of being alone etc one mintue and the next i carnt wait for him to go out its a horrid disorder but with the right help medication etc most people leave a normel life as posssibly keep your chin up and iam sure everything will work out in the end , dont think it will happen over night though its hard for carers as well as suffers just always let her know some how your there for her no matter what even if you split up properly people with this disorder need to know theres always somewhere there for them well in my case anyways,, might not be same for everyone but thats how it is for me,, good luck and hope she is better soon

She may have found someone else. It is true that people with BPD do not like abandonment. But they are black and white thinkers too. Either in love or not. right now it is not towards you .Leave her alone. That is the best advice I can give to you. The more you push the more she is going to back off. She may in fact come back to you when she is ignored.. That would be typical of a BPD individual.

Question for those that have or know someone with Borderline Per. Disorder?

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