Help the man face his dilemma?
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i don't think this is a dilemma. there is no need to seek help for your sexual orientation.
for one thing, many people believe sexual orientation to be on a scale-like continuum (allowing gray area). sexuality is fluid and can venture anywhere on this scale at any point of a person's life. if you want to research it, kinsley is the name of the man who developed it.
some people see obstacles in coming out of the closet as gay or bisexual, this is natural. there's a world out there that is very discriminatory. i had to come out and it's the best thing for me, but that's because i was comfortable and confident in who i was at the time. i didn't see my sexual orientation as a hindrance on my life but rather an 'enhancement' of my personality. it shouldn't be viewed as negative. he needs to become comfortable with who he is in order to be able to be comfortable with anyone, man or woman.
many women don't mind dating a bisexual guy, so it's not something that needs to be hidden.
gay couples can have children too. it's a little harder, but once someone comes out, there's a whole community out there of support in the gay community. many lesbian couples look for sperm donors, and many organizations in the community can help with finding a uterus-for-rent, or things like that.
he needs to understand that being gay isn't a disease. as a lesbian i am very happy in my life. coming out is a hard process but it should definitely happen, even if the amount of people is slim, he should accept himself as-is, without labels. if you're dating in the queer community, labels can be quite important as some see bisexual as the route to being gay. bisexuals encounter problems from both straight and gay communities. it's not an easy battle, but it's a battle worth fighting.
psychological health can make or break a person depending on how good or bad it is. he needs to be strong and confident about who he is. there will be discrimination to encounter but he's gotta be ready for it. it's not easy but it's a fight worth fighting! he should try to become comfortable with himself.
psychological counselling may help but keep in mind many people let their ideals about life run the way they work, so if a counsellor or psychologists has very conservative viewpoints s/he may be saying things to support his/her own beliefs, confusing the man even more.
it's ok to be gay. or bi. or straight. spirituality and religion are good if the message you're receiving from it is healthy on your mental health. if it's making you feel like crap, it should be abandoned or revised--i.e. god loves you even if you're gay.
all in all i don't think he needs psychological help but it may help. these are problems that can be overcome by most people, it just gets harder as you age because you've already developed yourself thus far and it's hard to change at a later point in your life. in youth it's a bit easier coming out and being comfortable with yourself.
he needs support from a friend most of all so that he can be assured he has help should he need it. it would be unfriendly to toss him into mental health care when these problems can easily be solved with the support of friends. i found friend support the best thing i could've had in my struggles coming out. don't underestimate the power of friends! he should confide in his friends and ask for their support if it's not given automatically.
a good group of friends friends, a good amount of self-confidence and support should be enough to conquer his insecurities.
Hey man, any depression or life disrupting mental state is worth going to counselling. The average person could probably use some time with a psychologist, nevermind someone with so much conflict.
Modern culture confuses things these days, but really it should be as simple as this: What does this person REALLY want? If they want children of their own, than they need to just look for that right woman who loves them and is okay with some bisexual tendancies... and believe me, there's plenty of them out there. Or, if they're strongly attracted to men, than just go with it and find a man to love and seek to adopt children down the line. Ignore what other people expect (but be ready for some disapproval), and do what you truly desire, because in the end, that strong of a want is really a need to make the best of your life.
I'm not a doctor, but I can give you some advice. I had a b/f one time who I always thought was gay...we were together for 3 years. I loved him so much, but one day he told me he was gay and my heart was broken for a long time. I talked to him about everything I could think of...about having a family. And he did want one, but his desire for men was much greater...its what made him truly happy. I guess what i'm trying to say is that you will always have this on your mind unless you do what makes you truly happy...do what your heart craves. And try not to fool yourself or those around you b/c you will only hurt them...and yourself. You musnt be insecure...and you must always be honest with yourself. Love who you are and dont conform to what others want you to be or think you should be.
I am gay, and I had the same issues before I totally came out. Look in the mirror, what you see is what you get. If your gay you can not change that. If you want kids Great. A relationship also great. But the first thing to do is admit that your gay. let all the other stuff work themselves out
Here is the deal, If you life is a wrech because you will not admit you are gay then you should not have kids anyway. Staying in the closet seems to be causing a train wreck so it is time to try something new
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