How to Deal?
Question:
My parents won't let me get treatment because they don't want to spend money or something and want me to just tough it out.
I have been doing that for the last seven years though since it all started and it is so damn hard just to make it through each day without blasting myself out of here.
I try to just deal with it and hide my emotions but it is getting really bad.
Treatment isn't an option with my parents. Can someone give me any advice on how to deal with it?
I try to be normal, but it is so hard to be around other people especially because I can't have the same mood for more than an hour. I got really good at hiding it, but it is getting worse.
Please help.
Answers:
14 years old is usually a transitional stage in a lot of peoples lives. You are probably dealing with a lot of tough ****, but things will get better. Try to think really positively, and dont get too down on yourself. You are still young, so you could grow out of the OCD... and Bipolar depression too.
Dont focus on the bad qualities about yourself though, focus on the good things. If you are pissed at your parents, take out the aggression through school work. Go away to college so you dont have to see them every day. Now is a perfect time to start trying in school, because if you have to goto a community college and live at home with your parents, Depression will be the least of your worries.
You are in middle school... and you dont really have to work yet. Distract yourself with some friends... find some fun stuff to do.
Just try to distract yourself, and do well in school.
Your parents need to get you help for real. I know b/c I had problems like that myself and I am finally on Zoloft which makes me so much calmer and able to function normally. You need to talk to your parents or a school counselor-maybe she can help talk to your parents with you.
Your going to get a lot of "life is worth living". The "you can make it"s. But you are asking for actual help. I can not see how you will be able to deal with your array of emotional and mental issues without medication. My cousins have both ADHD and bipolar disorder, and they are impossible to be around without medication. I have OCD, but i take medication. So i do not know what to tell you.
Without the option of treatment, life can be very hard for someone with your problems. Truthfully, you need to just try and find a strong emotional base in maybe some close friends. One or two very close friends may be willing to accept you, as flawed as you may be, and may offer the support you need. Even if it is just venting on them. Without getting into the dangerous, and completely unworthy road of finding medication illegally, im not sure you will be able to overcome all these problems.
I have a huge problem with your parents refusing you treatment for conditions such as these. Go to someone such as your school counselor and tell them about these issues. They may be able to help you. Or at least talk your parents into helping you. If you go to them and seriously plead for help, they can not turn you down. Trust the counselors, as they are there to help you.
Im sorry, i hope you are eventually able to convince your parents to get you treatment.
I have anxiety/depression and a tad bit of OCD. I went thru my childhood and teen years AND my thirties with it! My parents never sought help for me either even tho it appears to be hereditary. ( gee, thanks for the inheritance!) When my daughter started with all my symptoms, I decided to get us help. Maybe your parents don't want to address the issue because it might make them look like bad parents. But it's a chemical imbalance! Maybe they are against meds. (Thanks Tom Cruise for your ignorant views!)...It's obviously reeking havoc on your well being and testing your sanity, right? But, be assured, your'e not insane. I felt like I wanted to "off" myself at one time too because life seemed hopeless and so "dark". BUT, there is hope, I PROMISE!!! Call mental health., yourself! Tell em your ordeal with mom and dad. Tell them how you feel, the suicidal thoughts especially. Don't candy coat your symptoms,ok? Maybe take a drastic measure and call the suicide hotline and tell them your a minor. They have to step in, especially after you give them your name and address...do it! And tell your school counselor when school starts. Use every avenue to get your "shout out". I am on meds and life is "Sweet" as Napolean Dynamite puts it! I waited sooooo long to get help, but am so glad I did. I never knew life could be so good , and it is! Hugs to you sweetie and do what I said, please! ooooooooooooooo
Several possibilities here:
1) You're 14. Many teenagers self- or peer-diagnose emotional issues that they don't actually suffer from. The world is tough for teens, and it's easy to feel depressed, or have mood swings, for various reasons, not least of which is the massive (and prolonged) change in your body chemistry. Your parents could be right.
2) Your parents could be dead wrong. If that's the case, you need to get what help you can, ASAP. You're limited in your options a bit, because you're a minor, but help is available (more on that later). If you feel you really are in danger, your parents cannot prevent you from getting help.
3) It's most likely a middle ground. You're dealing with some heavy loads, but it's not quite as bad as you think it is. In which case, there are options (see below).
Ok, options.
Step one is to get properly diagnosed by someone qualified to do so. You may have already done that, but I'm going to work from the assumption that we're working from square one. Go to the school nurse or advisors. Tell them you feel like you need counseling, and ask what kind of options are available. Failing that, look up the local "kids helpline," or "crisis hotline" in your local phone book - then call it.
If you can get to see a no/low-cost Psychologist/Counsellor, and give them an HONEST assessment of what you're going through (don't use terms like OCD/bipolar unless you've been diagnosed with them. Don't go look up the symptoms and then describe your own symptoms so they'll match, etc.). You may well be bipolar/OCD/etc. Then again, you may have something else - let the professionals figure it out. They'll be more helpful that way.
IF you're properly diagnosed with a disorder, you can take that to your parents - it gives you more leverage. If they still refuse to help you get treatment, go for the free stuff. School counsellors, teen helplines, online support groups. They all exist, and they all try very hard to be easy to find.
If the diagnosis from the professionals is that you're OK, and just need some counselling or someone to talk to, BELIEVE THEM, and look for supportive people who will encourage the positive in your life.
No matter what the diagnosis, here are some options that can help you feel better.
1) Music. Music is powerful, and can evoke huge emotional responses from us. Seek out and listen to uplifting music. Whatever it is that makes you feel POSITIVE. That's different for everyone, though Classical music is actually good for most - it might make you cry, but that catharsis can be healing, and you can feel better afterwards. It doesn't matter what you listen to to, as long as it makes you feel better afterwards, and you stay away from music that makes you feel violent, angry, or depressed. Don't worry if others like it or not. If it makes you feel good to sing and dance to the music, do it (as appropriate - not in class, for example). If you prefer to just close your eyes and get lost in the sounds, do that. Whatever works for YOU.
2) Help lines. Sometimes you just need to talk it out. That's what they're there for. Most of the time they're free, and they can direct you to no/low-cost help if you need it.
3) Hobbies. Learn to play an instrument, pick up jigsaw puzzles, sudoku, chess - anything that interests you. Keeping your mind engaged in things you enjoy takes your mind off the negative junk in your life, and helps you learn new skills.
4) Sports. Like hobbies, they give you something else to do. Sports also get the blood pumping and allow the brain to release endorphins, which make you feel happier. Team sports can build friendships, allow you to feel accomplished, and give you a place to vent frustrations in a healthy manner. If you don't like team sports, do individual stuff - lot of the same benefits, without the peer issues. Jogging, working out, Ultimate Frisbee, whatever. Don't compare yourself to others, just do what you enjoy.
5) Reading/Writing. Find a genre of book you enjoy and read them. It gives your mind a place to go other than your own depression. It allows you to explore new ideas and break out of your cycle. Call it escapeism, fine. We all need to escape sometimes. Also, writing - keep a journal. Try to focus on the positives in your life when you write, but be honest also. It's similar to talking it out, just on paper. Also, trying to write something similar to what you like to read can be a great project. Try to stay away from depressing poetry. Everyone writes some in High School, and it's all bad. ;-)
6) Stay away from TV. The primary message in television is "comform, and while you're conforming, buy 'X'." What you see on TV IS NOT REAL, but it can have a very real effect on your emotional state. While good programming exists, it will come out on DVD later, without all the commercials. (I highly reccomend the Firefly series). If you're going to watch TV, watch the History Channel, Discovery, or something like that. Sports are ok (not great, but ok), but skip the commercials.
7) Choose to be happy. That's easier said than done, and it doesn't magically make everything better. If you decide to look at things as positively as possible though, even to the point of stopping yourself when you catch yourself thinking negatively, it will HELP (not fix, but help). Your stress levels will drop, and you'll feel more able to handle things as they come.
8) Don't believe the hype. You are who YOU want you to be. If you want to be a "pretty messed up," depressed teenager, you will be. Guaranteed. If you'd rather be a great kid, who's had to beat some tough challenges, but come through just fine, you will be. Both take work and sacrifice. The negative one seems easier now, but you sacrifice the rest of your life, and you'll work hard every day, just to justify staying alive. The positive path may take some hard work now - you may have some serious issues to deal with, but the sacrifice you make now, in time, in effort, will leave you with a future that YOU can shape in the way you choose. You can train yourself now to work through adversity and make your life better, or you can train yourself to believe you have no choice, and accept any crap you're offered. Which one sounds better?
One more option is to check out Simpleology (www.simpleology.com). Simpleology 101 is a free course that teaches you how to look at the world a bit differently, to set goals, and to achieve them. It teaches you a daily routine that will help you to honestly evaluate yourself, and find ways to improve, little-by-little, every day. I'm not affiliated with Simpleology at all. I recieve no payment or compensation in any way by mentioning it. I do use it in my life, and it's helped - that's all I'm saying.
I wish you well. Life is tough as a teen. I've been there, I've worked with kids in your situation. It WILL get better if you want it to, I promise.
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